Do you get annoyed with people who marry up financially?
This is something that has irritated me for a long time.
I have messed up a bit because of my health, so it's a real possibility that I'll have to put in 40 hour weeks at tesco or something just to get by...I'm sure some of you have an idea of how painful that will be.
Currently, I get up at 7 every day and commute 3 hours to uni (can't live there because of medical issues), then spend the whole day at uni. I hate it, but I have to do it in the hope of getting a job that pays half as well as certain people get "paid" for doing **** all but marrying a rich person. I actually have a very easy life compared to most people who are trying to earn their own living in the world.
I know of one woman who wasn't even that attractive and gave up (fairly low-paid) work at about 30 when she was married to someone earning 100k a year and had kids...the father did most of the work bringing up the kids and she spent all her time drinking alcohol and going clubbing. The kids are now adults and she still doesn't do anything productive.
She gets off with this, while we have shows like benefits street which demonise people who behave in much the same way.
You may say, the man has voluntarily paid her, while benefits aren't voluntarily paid for. But I feel that her behaviour is actually worse, because she's exploiting this man's feelings of love for money...how do we know she even cares about him? She doesn't lift a finger to help him. His "one true love", one of the most important things in life, is a lie, and it's her fault.
You might say, if I'm so jealous, why don't I do the same thing. Partly, for moral reasons. And partly because I'm an introverted male with mental health issues, and it's harder for a male to do this, I think: in surveys, women have mostly answered that they want a man who marries the same or more, and men have mostly answered that they don't care what their wife earns.
I also feel bad for the richer partner, as I feel like it's very possible they have been exploited a bit and cheated out of finding "true love" after all the hard work they've put in...they may have worked hard for the whole of school, done 5 years of medical school, and then done a highly stressful job not getting paid that well for 10 years until they rise up to their 100k salary, and then, for whatever reason, they let this other person live off them without lifting a finger...criminal.
I have messed up a bit because of my health, so it's a real possibility that I'll have to put in 40 hour weeks at tesco or something just to get by...I'm sure some of you have an idea of how painful that will be.
Currently, I get up at 7 every day and commute 3 hours to uni (can't live there because of medical issues), then spend the whole day at uni. I hate it, but I have to do it in the hope of getting a job that pays half as well as certain people get "paid" for doing **** all but marrying a rich person. I actually have a very easy life compared to most people who are trying to earn their own living in the world.
I know of one woman who wasn't even that attractive and gave up (fairly low-paid) work at about 30 when she was married to someone earning 100k a year and had kids...the father did most of the work bringing up the kids and she spent all her time drinking alcohol and going clubbing. The kids are now adults and she still doesn't do anything productive.
She gets off with this, while we have shows like benefits street which demonise people who behave in much the same way.
You may say, the man has voluntarily paid her, while benefits aren't voluntarily paid for. But I feel that her behaviour is actually worse, because she's exploiting this man's feelings of love for money...how do we know she even cares about him? She doesn't lift a finger to help him. His "one true love", one of the most important things in life, is a lie, and it's her fault.
You might say, if I'm so jealous, why don't I do the same thing. Partly, for moral reasons. And partly because I'm an introverted male with mental health issues, and it's harder for a male to do this, I think: in surveys, women have mostly answered that they want a man who marries the same or more, and men have mostly answered that they don't care what their wife earns.
I also feel bad for the richer partner, as I feel like it's very possible they have been exploited a bit and cheated out of finding "true love" after all the hard work they've put in...they may have worked hard for the whole of school, done 5 years of medical school, and then done a highly stressful job not getting paid that well for 10 years until they rise up to their 100k salary, and then, for whatever reason, they let this other person live off them without lifting a finger...criminal.
(edited 10 years ago)
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Speaking as a career-driven male, it would be my preference to have a loving wife who stayed at home while I worked because I have traditional values and believe this to be the best family dynamic. I would be more than happy to support my wife and family, and give them a comfortable lifestyle. I would rather she have the luxury of not being required to work.
As long as all involved are consenting adults, the only one getting butthurt is you.
As long as all involved are consenting adults, the only one getting butthurt is you.
(edited 10 years ago)
It's not something that concerns me. If other people want to do it then fine by them.
Although another point you raised about getting a degree in the hopes of earning as much as those who marry up, I disagree with. First of all, there is no guarantee that a degree will even land you a job, never mind a well paying one. It saddens me how many people just get a job for the money. I'm going after the job I love, that is the best way to spend your life.
Although another point you raised about getting a degree in the hopes of earning as much as those who marry up, I disagree with. First of all, there is no guarantee that a degree will even land you a job, never mind a well paying one. It saddens me how many people just get a job for the money. I'm going after the job I love, that is the best way to spend your life.
I wouldn't say annoyed as such - other people's choices are their own - but it wouldn't be a life I wanted myself. Call me naïve, but I wouldn't feel happy living off someone else's money. Having your own career means security.
Original post by shiggydiggy
Speaking as a career-driven male, it would be my preference to have a loving wife who stayed at home while I worked because I have traditional values and believe this to be the best family dynamic. I would be more than happy to support my wife and family, and give them a comfortable lifestyle. I would rather she have the luxury of not having to work.
As long as all involved are consenting adults, the only one getting butthurt is you.
As long as all involved are consenting adults, the only one getting butthurt is you.
Wouldn't a "loving wife" want to contribute some money to the household? You have to ask yourself, what do you get out of the relationship, and what does she get? You get her love, she gets your love and your big salary...how do you know that she cares about you, and not just your salary?
Also, isn't it a bit boring to have a wife who sits at home all day? Would you never feel resentful, when you're getting up at 7 and working hard to support her, while she gets to stay home all day?
Original post by Kilroy8
It's not something that concerns me. If other people want to do it then fine by them.
Although another point you raised about getting a degree in the hopes of earning as much as those who marry up, I disagree with. First of all, there is no guarantee that a degree will even land you a job, never mind a well paying one. It saddens me how many people just get a job for the money. I'm going after the job I love, that is the best way to spend your life.
Although another point you raised about getting a degree in the hopes of earning as much as those who marry up, I disagree with. First of all, there is no guarantee that a degree will even land you a job, never mind a well paying one. It saddens me how many people just get a job for the money. I'm going after the job I love, that is the best way to spend your life.
If anything, the fact that you think my degree won't even get me a high-paying job reinforces my overall point about people marrying up and how unfair it is.
Anyway, I have no real marketable skills without getting a degree, so I have to do a degree to have any hope of getting a job paying above minimum wage, or even minimum wage (if I drop out, I'll have a 4 year gap on my CV). The actual hope of me getting a good job is slim, I agree.
Original post by nohomo
Wouldn't a "loving wife" want to contribute some money to the household? You have to ask yourself, what do you get out of the relationship, and what does she get? You get her love, she gets your love and your big salary...how do you know that she cares about you, and not just your salary?
Also, isn't it a bit boring to have a wife who sits at home all day? Would you never feel resentful, when you're getting up at 7 and working hard to support her, while she gets to stay home all day?
Also, isn't it a bit boring to have a wife who sits at home all day? Would you never feel resentful, when you're getting up at 7 and working hard to support her, while she gets to stay home all day?
I think I am ambitious enough to not need her to contribute money to the household. I would rather her contribute to the family dynamic by raising the kids during the day and keeping the house running.
I'm not particularly interested in keeping tabs on who contributes what. As long as she is a kind wife and loving mother, I will do the rest because I believe it to be the right thing to do.
I don't have a problem with someone marrying up/down (although I'm not entirley comfortable with the phrase) per se
What I do have a problem with is people who will immediatley discount a potential partner based solely on their bank balance / earning potential. I've met girls (I imagine men of this sort exist too) who will simply refuse to go out with guys who don't fit what they see as being well off, which normally ends up being far above where they would be placed on the social/class ladder.
As for gender roles within the home... does it really matter? as long as what needs to get done gets done then it doesn't make a difference who makes the money/who's home with the kids/who does the washing up/etc
What I do have a problem with is people who will immediatley discount a potential partner based solely on their bank balance / earning potential. I've met girls (I imagine men of this sort exist too) who will simply refuse to go out with guys who don't fit what they see as being well off, which normally ends up being far above where they would be placed on the social/class ladder.
As for gender roles within the home... does it really matter? as long as what needs to get done gets done then it doesn't make a difference who makes the money/who's home with the kids/who does the washing up/etc
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by nohomo
If anything, the fact that you think my degree won't even get me a high-paying job reinforces my overall point about people marrying up and how unfair it is.
Anyway, I have no real marketable skills without getting a degree, so I have to do a degree to have any hope of getting a job paying above minimum wage, or even minimum wage (if I drop out, I'll have a 4 year gap on my CV). The actual hope of me getting a good job is slim, I agree.
Anyway, I have no real marketable skills without getting a degree, so I have to do a degree to have any hope of getting a job paying above minimum wage, or even minimum wage (if I drop out, I'll have a 4 year gap on my CV). The actual hope of me getting a good job is slim, I agree.
If you don't mind me asking:
What degree are you doing?
What job are you aiming to do?
What job would you really like to do?
Original post by shiggydiggy
I think I am ambitious enough to not need her to contribute money to the household. I would rather her contribute to the family dynamic by raising the kids during the day and keeping the house running.
I'm not particularly interested in keeping tabs on who contributes what. As long as she is a kind wife and loving mother, I will do the rest because I believe it to be the right thing to do.
I'm not particularly interested in keeping tabs on who contributes what. As long as she is a kind wife and loving mother, I will do the rest because I believe it to be the right thing to do.
Have fun being exploited...
Original post by shiggydiggy
Speaking as a career-driven male, it would be my preference to have a loving wife who stayed at home while I worked because I have traditional values and believe this to be the best family dynamic. I would be more than happy to support my wife and family, and give them a comfortable lifestyle. I would rather she have the luxury of not being required to work.
As long as all involved are consenting adults, the only one getting butthurt is you.
As long as all involved are consenting adults, the only one getting butthurt is you.
That is all well and good, and for the most part I agree. But what if she cheats? What then? This all relies on faithfulness and her feeling the same way, you can't control how another human being thinks funnily enough.
Original post by nohomo
Have fun being exploited...
Have fun quibbling over petty contributions to the joint bank account and having your kids raised by some poverty day care because you're too beta to step up and provide for a family.
Original post by Mr_Vain
That is all well and good, and for the most part I agree. But what if she cheats? What then? This all relies on faithfulness and her feeling the same way, you can't control how another human being thinks funnily enough.
The same as if she cheats in any other arrangement. Regardless of whether or not she has a job, it's still cheating. The relationship would be ****ed at the end of the day. Her financial contribution makes no difference in that situation. It's a terribly contrived example.
Are you implying that a housewife is more likely to cheat?
Original post by Kilroy8
If you don't mind me asking:
What degree are you doing?
What job are you aiming to do?
What job would you really like to do?
What degree are you doing?
What job are you aiming to do?
What job would you really like to do?
I am studying a mathematics degree.
I'm not sure what job I am aiming to do. I have a serious mental health condition, which makes even my degree a struggle. I'm considering jobs within a bank which use my mathematics knowledge...not a "banker".
My three dream jobs are mathematician (this is what I entered uni wanting to do), author or musician.
Original post by shiggydiggy
The same as if she cheats in any other arrangement. Regardless of whether or not she has a job, it's still cheating. The relationship would be ****ed at the end of the day. Her financial contribution makes no difference in that situation. It's a terribly contrived example.
Are you implying that a housewife is more likely to cheat?
Are you implying that a housewife is more likely to cheat?
No but unless you sign a prenup, she could take you for everything you have in the divorce, potentially.
It's easy to look at other people and feel resentful. No good will come of it though, so concentrate on your own life.
Original post by nohomo
No but unless you sign a prenup, she could take you for everything you have in the divorce, potentially.
This applies regardless.
there are far greater injustices in the world lol
Original post by shiggydiggy
The same as if she cheats in any other arrangement. Regardless of whether or not she has a job, it's still cheating. The relationship would be ****ed at the end of the day. Her financial contribution makes no difference in that situation. It's a terribly contrived example.
Are you implying that a housewife is more likely to cheat?
Are you implying that a housewife is more likely to cheat?
I just think that legally you are leaving yourself in a very precarious position (i say that as a law graduate) in terms of the splitting of your assets even if she does cheat. And of course a housewife is not more likely to cheat but she is equally susceptible to the human error of cheating.
My family are fine with me not marrying, all I have to do is produce and heir to pass on our family assets and name. Marriage is just a money/family social position device to me.
Original post by shiggydiggy
This applies regardless.
Indeed, in Britain a prenup will not really help you as they are not really legally binding in the courts.
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