The Student Room Group

Relationship HELP!

All throughout my life, I wanted a partner of my religion and culture. Since starting uni, I've had a relationship where my partner is not my religion or culture. Bare in mind, before I met him I was in a very toxic relationship with a guy, so my friend thinks I went to the next thing that gave me happiness. Me and my partner have been together for more than a year now, and talks of marriage has always been an open communication with us, and we want to marry each other. Ideally, my parents would also want me to marry a guy of my religion and culture, but I am willing to try to convince them because I love my boyfriend and want to marry him. My friend thinks I might change my mind in the future and decide I do want a guy of my religion and culture, because I've always said I want someone in that criteria, and I've also raised doubts about my boyfriend and whether I'd be happy in the future or change my mind if I do see a guy that's my religion and culture. My friend is concerned and is discussing this with me, because she knows how much I change my mind and overthink as I want to stuff to be perfect, and she rather me think about these things now and figure out what I really want than when I am married. Also I have never dated a guy of my culture and religion because I haven't met anyone that I would date as of yet. So since my friend has questioned it, I feel like I don't know if I am missing out on anything by marrying someone of my culture and religion. I also got asked by my friend, that if a guy my type 100% walks in and I get to know him, as a friend, and he has all the traits I like, would I be tempted, I said yes but now I'm not sure and I need advice because I love my boyfriend and I have already planned out our future in my head but now I am thinking about these things as this has been bought up in conversation with my friend.
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
My friend thinks I might change my mind in the future and decide I do want a guy of my religion and culture, because I've always said I want someone in that criteria, and I've also raised doubts about my boyfriend and whether I'd be happy in the future or change my mind if I do see a guy that's my religion and culture.

So what doubts are you having about your boyfriend? Are they about him personally or because he's not your type?
Reply 2
Original post by Surnia
So what doubts are you having about your boyfriend? Are they about him personally or because he's not your type?

My doubts are to do with the fact that he doesn't speak the same language as me and he isn't the same culture/ religion either. Since I have never dated anyone of the same culture/ language as me, I don't know if I am missing out on anything by wanting to marry my bf. It is not necessarily doubts about my boyfriend, it is the fact that I do tend to overthink and always want the best, I am a perfectionist, and yes I am happy with my boyfriend and he does treat me amazingly and has the exact personality I want in a guy, but because I haven't had that experience dating a guy my culture/religion which is something I really wanted in a guy I married, before I met my boyfriend, I don't know if I will regret not marrying someone in that criteria in the future, when I shouldn't be thinking like that, i.e. if I am married to my boyfriend.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
My doubts are to do with the fact that he doesn't speak the same language as me and he isn't the same culture/ religion either. Since I have never dated anyone of the same culture/ language as me, I don't know if I am missing out on anything by wanting to marry my bf. It is not necessarily doubts about my boyfriend, it is the fact that I do tend to overthink and always want the best, I am a perfectionist, and yes I am happy with my boyfriend and he does treat me amazingly and has the exact personality I want in a guy, but because I haven't had that experience dating a guy my culture/religion which is something I really wanted in a guy I married, before I met my boyfriend, I don't know if I will regret not marrying someone in that criteria in the future, when I shouldn't be thinking like that, i.e. if I am married to my boyfriend.

Are you both taking steps to overcome the language barrier? Do you respect each other's practice of religion and have you discussed how that would work with children, if that's in the future? Do your financial views align?

A lot of people are in relationships with someone of another, or no, religion; I am, and I have family members who are. Culture is different, but my boyfriend and I have quite contrasting personalities and our own interests and hobbies; we met because we were in the same line of work. I hadn't been out with someone of my religion or who shared my hobbies before I met him, and i don't feel I've missed out. I'm just saying it can work with someone you never thought you'd be with.
Reply 4
Original post by Surnia
Are you both taking steps to overcome the language barrier? Do you respect each other's practice of religion and have you discussed how that would work with children, if that's in the future? Do your financial views align?

A lot of people are in relationships with someone of another, or no, religion; I am, and I have family members who are. Culture is different, but my boyfriend and I have quite contrasting personalities and our own interests and hobbies; we met because we were in the same line of work. I hadn't been out with someone of my religion or who shared my hobbies before I met him, and i don't feel I've missed out. I'm just saying it can work with someone you never thought you'd be with.

Since the first day I met him, I’ve told him that if he wants to be with me then he should learn my language and I am also more than willing to learn his as I want to communicate with his family, so the language is not the issue for me. We have discussed religion and he is half of my religion, I am Hindu and he is Sikh but he also worships Hindu Gods in his household, he has also come with me to the temple before, but since I have never prayed to Sikh Gods, it is more of a jump for me than it is for me. I have never been to Gurudwara before but I am open to going for him because at the end of the day God is God. With children, we will probably bring them up with both of our religion since his family also worshipped Hindu Gods as well. And yes our financial views align.

Thank you for sharing about your personal experience.

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