Yeah i want you....but no i don't...

AAAaaaah ok people, please help me. I am so so confused about my ex. Basically I started going out with this guy about a month ago but I broke up with him because I thought I didnt want a relationship. Before we started going out we were best friends and about as close as a boy and girl could be. When we are together we get on so well, we are absoloutly perfect yet there was something that just wasnt quite right and I cant work out what it is.

At times, as a couple i didnt feel attracted enough to him to be going out with him, yet at other times the chemisty was so strong...I thought we were better as friends and broke up with him, and recently i spent an evening with him and we were just holding hands because i was trying to get the closeness back that we had as friends, but one part of me wanted to be back with him so badly whilst another was like, NO YOU dont love him in that kind of way....But ive never been so close to someone and never loved any other guy more. Sometimes I want him physically, other times i dont.

I love going out and being with other guys so i was thinking maybe it's a commitment issue, but i know it's not because ive been in past relationships that have lasted way longer. I know that if i met the right guy i would be faithful and that...BUT WHY do i keep feeling so confused about my ex/best friend? Do i want him back? Or do i want to be friends like we were? I almost feel as though i want him to be a part time lover which i know is awful and not possible! But this is how mixed up im feeling! I love him with all my heart and want him to be happy. So why cant i be happy with him? WHY are my feelings constantly changing!!!! PLEASE try and help me....

Reply 1

generalebriety

Think about it this way. Could you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy? Even when things got difficult? Could you be there to support him if a sibling got ill, or a parent died, or he came down with Alzheimer's? If the answer is no, forget it. If the answer is yes, then great. If the answer is you don't know... can you see yourself having sex with him? Maybe even bringing up his child?

I think you might just be great friends with this guy, which is fine in itself, but don't confuse that with love or attraction in any other way, please. :smile:

Try and figure out what you think a relationship for you would mean, then see if he matches the description. And if not, fine - stay great friends. But if they do, go for it and don't look back.

Reply 2

dead antics

what does subbing mean?

Reply 3

sheryl06

generalebriety

Think about it this way. Could you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy? Even when things got difficult? Could you be there to support him if a sibling got ill, or a parent died, or he came down with Alzheimer's? If the answer is no, forget it. If the answer is yes, then great. If the answer is you don't know... can you see yourself having sex with him? Maybe even bringing up his child?
I think you might just be great friends with this guy, which is fine in itself, but don't confuse that with love or attraction in any other way, please. :smile:

Try and figure out what you think a relationship for you would mean, then see if he matches the description. And if not, fine - stay great friends. But if they do, go for it and don't look back.

shes isn't planning on marrying him is she??

Reply 4

generalebriety

antics

what does subbing mean?

Subscribing. It's in the FAQ.

sheryl06

shes isn't planning on marrying him is she??

That's the point. If you can't see yourselves being together for the rest of your lives, and you don't want a sexual relationship, then it's more than likely you're just good friends.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I would love to marry him one day, when I'm a bit more settled and I know he'd marry me too. Ive never met a guy i love so much and who loves me back in the same way. Im wondering whether I just feel too young for these kinds of feelings and so Im picking at small problems to put me off having the relationship. Sometimes i wonder if im ..well using him in a way i guess...as a boyfriend because ive not met anyone else i want as one. I know that seems really harsh but could that be something i might be doing unintentionally? Ive already had sex with him, that wasnt a problem....its more the attraction thing.

Reply 6

That artistic one

maybe just stay as friends for now and see what happens, if you're going to be together you will make it work

p.s. been in a similar situation

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Im feeling like ive asked an impossible question or something and have no more idea what to do than i did when i first posted...

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

HELP, he's now deleted all my comments and stuff from him, and all the photos he had of me. I feel so awful...

Reply 9

generalebriety

Can you blame him? Honestly? It's probably for his sanity, rather than at the expense of yours, that he's done that.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Are you saying he's mad at me because I dont know what i want? Or that he's trying to get over me...he was my best friend though, how can he just blank me out of his life...

Reply 11

username47781

Anonymous

Are you saying he's mad at me because I dont know what i want? Or that he's trying to get over me...he was my best friend though, how can he just blank me out of his life...

I'm sorry but when you dump someone like that, they can do that, he might be hurt so naturally he does not wanna hear from you no more, dont mean this to sound harsh but he probably feels the best way to get over it is to forget you. Understandably you didn't want a relationship so you did the right thing ended it before you got to far, but this is why you gotta think before you start a relationship, Do i really want this?

Reply 12

lilac!!

you do sound as if you love him! maybe you breaking up with him was a mistake? now tell him how you feel! i mean you guys were best friends and if you dont want to refer to you personally tell him a story about this "guy" and "girl" he'll get the massage

Reply 13

Zafda

gah you are pretty confused, i'd be.

err i dunno, you don't necessarily have to be labelled boyfriend and girlfriend to have a relationship. i'm sure you could have an openish one and slowly/gradually if it works out you'll both be in a pretty faithful relationship.

lol looks like you need to sort out what you really want. do you want him want him, or do you just wanna be friends?

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

i'm in a similar situation atm.. i'm best friends with this girl who wants to go out with me and says that she loves me, and i equally feel the same however i don't want to threat loosing her when i go to uni! Try and have some time apart to reevaluate things, then your true feelings may come even more apparant. Discuss this with your ex, to let him know how you feel and how you can both sort out something which is the best for both of you :smile:

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Ive written him this email which basically lays my heart on the line and says everything ive been trying to say without making any promises. Im just not sure whether to send it because some of you have said to leave him alone...aaaaaah ive been like crying everyday over this whole mess!

Reply 16

username39618

Anonymous

I think you should send it. If you don't, then you could well regret it, and continue to think about all that could have been.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Ok we're back together and I am actually going to fight to make this work!xx

Reply 18

Azzle

this situation is so like miine. i was with my ex for 6 months and i realised i didnt want a relationship and all that stuff, and that i was too young and needed to "mess around with boys". so we split up, i wasnt that upset at first, i was content being single, going out and pulling and that. then it hit me. me and him kept seeing eachother, we would be sleeping together 5 times a week. I had my A levels, so had to cool it for a bit. i was about to lay my heart on the line and tell him i loved him and wanted him back - when he told me he was with someone else. I was gutted. I cried myself to sleep every night. him and his gf have split up now. since then, me and him have been seeing eachother a lot, and sleeping together aswell. I keep telling him i've changed and I know exactly what i want now. he knows i love him and that i want to be back with him.

he's now saying that he loves me, but doesnt know what he wants, he does want to be with me, but because i've finished him twice before, he cant trust me not to do it again.

help!