Cons of getting married young? I've been given an attractive proposition! Advise!!!!!
My mum has been approached by a number of other ethnic mothers over the past few years who ask about my attitude toward marriage, if I'm interested in their sons etc. My parents are relaxed about it but my Dad feels it's not a good idea as uni should be my main focus right now. It sounds weird but it's actually very common in our community and an aspect I really respect.
I felt, at times, that it wasn't for me. I went through a phase of thinking that I couldn't possibly marry Ali from the block, he'd be too boring. I thought a Simon from Plymouth would be best but you know... compatibility issues. I'd now rather end up with a Hussein from London.
I've was given a proposition from a really attractive guy's family. He's in his 3rd year of medicine and I'm in my third of aeronautical engineering.
The closest type of person I could say he resembles is this kind of guy:
I'm no sausage roll myself so he's given his mother his approval. We speak constantly on the phone/text. I like him and he's expressed that we've "clicked". I've found my Hussein!
HOWEVER.
I'm worried about the negative implications on my future. He's Arab too and so... he/his mother might expect me to make tea and massage his feet after work. Treat him like a king. Who would look after our kids? My future isn't dim, I'll have to pursue my own career. However, religiously, this is best. I don't want to be a forty year old virgin lol! I'm already gagging for it, I tell ya.
Are there any young people who have married young? What was it like? Would you recommend it? What do non Muslims think? Please remember that I'm chaste. Never kissed a boy, spent time with a boy romantically, had sex. Nothing. So, this is a pretty decent route in terms of my religious convictions for me to go down. Thanks.
I felt, at times, that it wasn't for me. I went through a phase of thinking that I couldn't possibly marry Ali from the block, he'd be too boring. I thought a Simon from Plymouth would be best but you know... compatibility issues. I'd now rather end up with a Hussein from London.
I've was given a proposition from a really attractive guy's family. He's in his 3rd year of medicine and I'm in my third of aeronautical engineering.
The closest type of person I could say he resembles is this kind of guy:
I'm no sausage roll myself so he's given his mother his approval. We speak constantly on the phone/text. I like him and he's expressed that we've "clicked". I've found my Hussein!
HOWEVER.
I'm worried about the negative implications on my future. He's Arab too and so... he/his mother might expect me to make tea and massage his feet after work. Treat him like a king. Who would look after our kids? My future isn't dim, I'll have to pursue my own career. However, religiously, this is best. I don't want to be a forty year old virgin lol! I'm already gagging for it, I tell ya.
Are there any young people who have married young? What was it like? Would you recommend it? What do non Muslims think? Please remember that I'm chaste. Never kissed a boy, spent time with a boy romantically, had sex. Nothing. So, this is a pretty decent route in terms of my religious convictions for me to go down. Thanks.
Original post by problems33
My mum has been approached by a number of other ethnic mothers over the past few years who ask about my attitude toward marriage, if I'm interested in their sons etc. My parents are relaxed about it but my Dad feels it's not a good idea as uni should be my main focus right now. It sounds weird but it's actually very common in our community and an aspect I really respect.
I felt, at times, that it wasn't for me. I went through a phase of thinking that I couldn't possibly marry Ali from the block, he'd be too boring. I thought a Simon from Plymouth would be best but you know... compatibility issues. I'd now rather end up with a Hussein from London.
I've was given a proposition from a really attractive guy's family. He's in his 3rd year of medicine and I'm in my third of aeronautical engineering.
The closest type of person I could say he resembles is this kind of guy:
I'm no sausage roll myself so he's given his mother his approval. We speak constantly on the phone/text. I like him and he's expressed that we've "clicked". I've found my Hussein!
HOWEVER.
I'm worried about the negative implications on my future. He's Arab too and so... he/his mother might expect me to make tea and massage his feet after work. Treat him like a king. Who would look after our kids? My future isn't dim, I'll have to pursue my own career. However, religiously, this is best. I don't want to be a forty year old virgin lol! I'm already gagging for it, I tell ya.
Are there any young people who have married young? What was it like? Would you recommend it? What do non Muslims think? Please remember that I'm chaste. Never kissed a boy, spent time with a boy romantically, had sex. Nothing. So, this is a pretty decent route in terms of my religious convictions for me to go down. Thanks.
I felt, at times, that it wasn't for me. I went through a phase of thinking that I couldn't possibly marry Ali from the block, he'd be too boring. I thought a Simon from Plymouth would be best but you know... compatibility issues. I'd now rather end up with a Hussein from London.
I've was given a proposition from a really attractive guy's family. He's in his 3rd year of medicine and I'm in my third of aeronautical engineering.
The closest type of person I could say he resembles is this kind of guy:
I'm no sausage roll myself so he's given his mother his approval. We speak constantly on the phone/text. I like him and he's expressed that we've "clicked". I've found my Hussein!
HOWEVER.
I'm worried about the negative implications on my future. He's Arab too and so... he/his mother might expect me to make tea and massage his feet after work. Treat him like a king. Who would look after our kids? My future isn't dim, I'll have to pursue my own career. However, religiously, this is best. I don't want to be a forty year old virgin lol! I'm already gagging for it, I tell ya.
Are there any young people who have married young? What was it like? Would you recommend it? What do non Muslims think? Please remember that I'm chaste. Never kissed a boy, spent time with a boy romantically, had sex. Nothing. So, this is a pretty decent route in terms of my religious convictions for me to go down. Thanks.
Can you discuss with him/his family/your family the terms of the marriage and how it will go? E.g. Put forth questions about whether you will be able to continue your career and not be expected to look after the children or act as a servant to your husband. Make your expectations clear or at least know what you're getting into.
I'm Arab too and my best friend did this and has regretted it. They got married last year and she wishes she never got married when she was so young and in an arranged marriage because now her husband expects her to cook and clean even though he told her she could work before they got married. It seems scary to me.
PM me if you want to talk more!!
PM me if you want to talk more!!
You obviously need to discuss expectations for the future.
However, I have to say that your only reason for marriage seems to be ex, you're 'gagging for it', 'don't want to be a 40 year old Virgin'. That seems like a pretty bad reason to get married - wouldn't you rather it were because you found someone you loved and wanted to spend your life with?
However, I have to say that your only reason for marriage seems to be ex, you're 'gagging for it', 'don't want to be a 40 year old Virgin'. That seems like a pretty bad reason to get married - wouldn't you rather it were because you found someone you loved and wanted to spend your life with?
Original post by problems33
My mum has been approached by a number of other ethnic mothers over the past few years who ask about my attitude toward marriage, if I'm interested in their sons etc. My parents are relaxed about it but my Dad feels it's not a good idea as uni should be my main focus right now. It sounds weird but it's actually very common in our community and an aspect I really respect.
I felt, at times, that it wasn't for me. I went through a phase of thinking that I couldn't possibly marry Ali from the block, he'd be too boring. I thought a Simon from Plymouth would be best but you know... compatibility issues. I'd now rather end up with a Hussein from London.
I've was given a proposition from a really attractive guy's family. He's in his 3rd year of medicine and I'm in my third of aeronautical engineering.
The closest type of person I could say he resembles is this kind of guy:
I'm no sausage roll myself so he's given his mother his approval. We speak constantly on the phone/text. I like him and he's expressed that we've "clicked". I've found my Hussein!
HOWEVER.
I'm worried about the negative implications on my future. He's Arab too and so... he/his mother might expect me to make tea and massage his feet after work. Treat him like a king. Who would look after our kids? My future isn't dim, I'll have to pursue my own career. However, religiously, this is best. I don't want to be a forty year old virgin lol! I'm already gagging for it, I tell ya.
Are there any young people who have married young? What was it like? Would you recommend it? What do non Muslims think? Please remember that I'm chaste. Never kissed a boy, spent time with a boy romantically, had sex. Nothing. So, this is a pretty decent route in terms of my religious convictions for me to go down. Thanks.
I felt, at times, that it wasn't for me. I went through a phase of thinking that I couldn't possibly marry Ali from the block, he'd be too boring. I thought a Simon from Plymouth would be best but you know... compatibility issues. I'd now rather end up with a Hussein from London.
I've was given a proposition from a really attractive guy's family. He's in his 3rd year of medicine and I'm in my third of aeronautical engineering.
The closest type of person I could say he resembles is this kind of guy:
I'm no sausage roll myself so he's given his mother his approval. We speak constantly on the phone/text. I like him and he's expressed that we've "clicked". I've found my Hussein!
HOWEVER.
I'm worried about the negative implications on my future. He's Arab too and so... he/his mother might expect me to make tea and massage his feet after work. Treat him like a king. Who would look after our kids? My future isn't dim, I'll have to pursue my own career. However, religiously, this is best. I don't want to be a forty year old virgin lol! I'm already gagging for it, I tell ya.
Are there any young people who have married young? What was it like? Would you recommend it? What do non Muslims think? Please remember that I'm chaste. Never kissed a boy, spent time with a boy romantically, had sex. Nothing. So, this is a pretty decent route in terms of my religious convictions for me to go down. Thanks.
Get to know him better. Meet him in person, meet his family, see if your families are compatible. "Date" him for at least six months-this means continuing to talk to him, meeting up with him etc. Make sure you both know what you're getting yourself into.
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I feel very strongly on this matter so I'd like to opine the following:
I think the whole 'don't get married until you're in your thirties' stance is utter nonsense. Whatever disadvantages or problems you may end up facing, it has nothing to do with your age. There's always an excuse not to get married. Whether it's university, trying to secure a decent job, trying to build up enough savings, trying to buy a house, waiting until you become established in your career...you can always find an excuse not to get married and easily find yourself well into your 30s, unmarried and still working towards furthering your career. Education/work seems to be a never-ending commitment at times, it consumes massive chunks of people's lives, so there's really no sense in delaying things because of it. There's no point of putting the rest of your life on hold just because you're at university and aren't financially established yet or not yet in full time employment.
I'm NOT saying you should rush into it blindly and get married straight away. But don't make the mistake of thinking that age is the issue here. It's not. You should consider yourself very fortunate that this option has become available to you at such an early (well, relatively early) stage in your life, there are plenty of people who are seeking this chance (myself included) but don't really find themselves in any position at all to even consider it. As long as your parents and family are supportive, the decision making process should be pretty smooth and straightforward.
As with many other things in life, there's never any guarantee that marriage will always remain flawless and without problems. Even if you were older, well into your career and become financially established, it doesn't necessarily guarantee that you'll have a smooth marriage without any trouble. It's your duty to try hard to make it work. You have to put effort into it obviously. Don't be too put off by age, you should consider everything, there are lots of other aspects. Discuss with family and seek advice and guidance. Don't make any hasty decisions, you should only go into it if you're completely confident and have a rough plan for the immediate, the near future, and long term as well, with regards to your education and work especially. If you feel like you need to finish your studies first, then that would be understandable, again I can't really say which way you should go in this matter. But you should be able to justify whatever decision you make.
I think the whole 'don't get married until you're in your thirties' stance is utter nonsense. Whatever disadvantages or problems you may end up facing, it has nothing to do with your age. There's always an excuse not to get married. Whether it's university, trying to secure a decent job, trying to build up enough savings, trying to buy a house, waiting until you become established in your career...you can always find an excuse not to get married and easily find yourself well into your 30s, unmarried and still working towards furthering your career. Education/work seems to be a never-ending commitment at times, it consumes massive chunks of people's lives, so there's really no sense in delaying things because of it. There's no point of putting the rest of your life on hold just because you're at university and aren't financially established yet or not yet in full time employment.
I'm NOT saying you should rush into it blindly and get married straight away. But don't make the mistake of thinking that age is the issue here. It's not. You should consider yourself very fortunate that this option has become available to you at such an early (well, relatively early) stage in your life, there are plenty of people who are seeking this chance (myself included) but don't really find themselves in any position at all to even consider it. As long as your parents and family are supportive, the decision making process should be pretty smooth and straightforward.
As with many other things in life, there's never any guarantee that marriage will always remain flawless and without problems. Even if you were older, well into your career and become financially established, it doesn't necessarily guarantee that you'll have a smooth marriage without any trouble. It's your duty to try hard to make it work. You have to put effort into it obviously. Don't be too put off by age, you should consider everything, there are lots of other aspects. Discuss with family and seek advice and guidance. Don't make any hasty decisions, you should only go into it if you're completely confident and have a rough plan for the immediate, the near future, and long term as well, with regards to your education and work especially. If you feel like you need to finish your studies first, then that would be understandable, again I can't really say which way you should go in this matter. But you should be able to justify whatever decision you make.
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