Can a relationship last with this much distance?
Hi there,
I met this guy online quite a while ago, at least 3 years ago, and we started talking and got on so well. His personality and humour are so similar to mine, and most of all his intelligence is something which really attracts me.
He is from New Zealand and I'm from England. We expressed that we both developed feelings for one another, but because I'm a rational person, I explained to him that I wanted to stop it before it went any further because realistically I believed it couldn't work. I have had a long distance relationship before (in comparison it isn't as far, he lived in Scotland), and he was my first love. We met quite a few times and things were going well, but we came to a mutual decision that ending the relationship would be best (he was starting uni, I was also starting uni). It absolutely broke my heart, and ever since then I haven't let any guy that close to me (irrespective of distance, I have a permanent barrier up!), apart from this guy in question.
Because of this first experience, like I said, I explained to him that it cannot work. He completely disagreed with me and said he was willing to make it work. I kind of dismissed it. Anyway, we've had each other on Facebook from the beginning, and a few months ago I made a rash decision to delete him as a friend. My reasoning behind this was because we never talked much (he was at university and busy with his studies, I'm not the kind of girl to pester, I did know this but in all honesty I must have had a bad day and I deleted quite a few people). A few weeks later he messaged me all upset, and I explained why I did it. When he sent a last message, I must've got busy, and never replied. So yesterday, I was thinking of him, and asked him if I could add him again. We then had a heart to heart and he said how much he missed me, and vice versa.
I know it isn't a relationship per se, and we haven't said that we're an item. But I have a soft spot for him and I think about him most days. Deleting him from my Facebook was a conscious effort to remove him from my life, but it goes to show that I lasted a few months and messaged him, I couldn't leave it. He also says to me that his family are quite wealthy and that he wants to come and see me when his studies are finished (next year).
What would you do in this situation? Shall I try and forget the feelings I have or hold on to a chance that we may meet one day?
I met this guy online quite a while ago, at least 3 years ago, and we started talking and got on so well. His personality and humour are so similar to mine, and most of all his intelligence is something which really attracts me.
He is from New Zealand and I'm from England. We expressed that we both developed feelings for one another, but because I'm a rational person, I explained to him that I wanted to stop it before it went any further because realistically I believed it couldn't work. I have had a long distance relationship before (in comparison it isn't as far, he lived in Scotland), and he was my first love. We met quite a few times and things were going well, but we came to a mutual decision that ending the relationship would be best (he was starting uni, I was also starting uni). It absolutely broke my heart, and ever since then I haven't let any guy that close to me (irrespective of distance, I have a permanent barrier up!), apart from this guy in question.
Because of this first experience, like I said, I explained to him that it cannot work. He completely disagreed with me and said he was willing to make it work. I kind of dismissed it. Anyway, we've had each other on Facebook from the beginning, and a few months ago I made a rash decision to delete him as a friend. My reasoning behind this was because we never talked much (he was at university and busy with his studies, I'm not the kind of girl to pester, I did know this but in all honesty I must have had a bad day and I deleted quite a few people). A few weeks later he messaged me all upset, and I explained why I did it. When he sent a last message, I must've got busy, and never replied. So yesterday, I was thinking of him, and asked him if I could add him again. We then had a heart to heart and he said how much he missed me, and vice versa.
I know it isn't a relationship per se, and we haven't said that we're an item. But I have a soft spot for him and I think about him most days. Deleting him from my Facebook was a conscious effort to remove him from my life, but it goes to show that I lasted a few months and messaged him, I couldn't leave it. He also says to me that his family are quite wealthy and that he wants to come and see me when his studies are finished (next year).
What would you do in this situation? Shall I try and forget the feelings I have or hold on to a chance that we may meet one day?
It can work if you both want to make it work and have the means to visit each other. In the long term, one of you would probably have to make the committment to move the distance assuming you wanted to live together.
Its all about whether both of you want to make it work and are committed to make it work despite the distance. If one of your hearts isn't really in it, it probably won't work out.
Saying that, with all the will in the world, maintaining a long distance relationship isn't easy. I've done a long distance relationship in the past within the same country, and that was difficult and didn't work in the end because we didn't have enough in common.
That's no reason you can't maintain a long distance friendship though.
Its all about whether both of you want to make it work and are committed to make it work despite the distance. If one of your hearts isn't really in it, it probably won't work out.
Saying that, with all the will in the world, maintaining a long distance relationship isn't easy. I've done a long distance relationship in the past within the same country, and that was difficult and didn't work in the end because we didn't have enough in common.
That's no reason you can't maintain a long distance friendship though.
Original post by Kabloomybuzz
It can work if you both want to make it work and have the means to visit each other. In the long term, one of you would probably have to make the committment to move the distance assuming you wanted to live together.
Its all about whether both of you want to make it work and are committed to make it work despite the distance. If one of your hearts isn't really in it, it probably won't work out.
Saying that, with all the will in the world, maintaining a long distance relationship isn't easy. I've done a long distance relationship in the past within the same country, and that was difficult and didn't work in the end because we didn't have enough in common.
That's no reason you can't maintain a long distance friendship though.
Its all about whether both of you want to make it work and are committed to make it work despite the distance. If one of your hearts isn't really in it, it probably won't work out.
Saying that, with all the will in the world, maintaining a long distance relationship isn't easy. I've done a long distance relationship in the past within the same country, and that was difficult and didn't work in the end because we didn't have enough in common.
That's no reason you can't maintain a long distance friendship though.
Just an FYI from my own experience -
I was in a long distant relationship for 2 years due to universities ( Im in the UK and he is in California).
I loved talking to him on the phone first few months and he would fly out every couple of months.
The problem with this - is that each time he came for 2 weeks for example - it was like a honey moon.
When I finally moved in with him September of 2013 - I realised - I didn't know **** about this guy - and I call it an 'arranged relationship' - in the sense that i made him come around the world to be with me etc - so I was like hell yeah I am going to try and make this work.
Still trying - but relationships are hard - the good ones are worth sticking it out for.
Good luck.
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