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Help me!

So I was seeing this guy for around a year and 2 months and I think I honestly do love him, he told me he loves me and our relationship was so good, I am 20 and he is 21. But around 2 weeks ago he dropped a bombshell and told me that he's not coming back for his third year of University and that it would be best if we ended it here. Our Uni is in the North and he is moving back to Exeter, so it's a 6 hour drive.

I am completely heartbroken by this, I tried to talk him around, I tried everything really but he was certain that we shouldn't be together even in a LDR. I feel so down, have been crying on a daily basis. The only thing I can seem to think about is him :frown:

I feel like I am completely obsessed.

We ended it in a friendly way and he's now started treating me as a mate. He will message me on whatsapp asking me how I am and how I'm doing. The worst part is that this actually brightens up my day a little, when I see that he's messaged me I feel better, when he doesn't message me for a day I feel awful. I know it sounds extremely sad and I should just delete him but I can't bring myself to do it.

I have never ever felt like this before and I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me :frown:

I don't know how to make all these horrible feelings stop.

Please help me!

Reply 1

Scott.

Bit odd that he's still messaging you.

Stop talking to him, and concentrate on uni.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I agree with above post. Things happen in life that may feel like the end of the world at the time. This bloke has made a decision that he feels is best for him and doesn't feel a LDR is feasible. Ok , tough on you but he can't then have it both ways. By still messaging you leaves you in a state of suspension. It's very difficult to stay as mates especially if it wasn't a mutual decision to separate in the first place. I would message him and ask him to give you a bit of distance for a while and crack on with your studies. I can almost guarantee one of two things will happen:

1. You'll look back with fond memories of this point in your life
or
2. He'll realise what he's missing and want to get back together. At that point it's up to you whether you want to or not.

Life's too short to be 'dangling' in someone else's life.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

Your torturing yourself, if he's adamant he wont come back to you cut him off entirely. Not to be mean, just that you wont recover until you get the space without him popping up on whatsapp every day

Reply 4

lilymoran

So he doesn't feel the same about you as you do about him.

If he did it wouldn't matter if you were in New York!

The only thing to do is get on with life. You really don't have a choice. Better to know he 'wasn't that into you' sooner rather than later when you'd wasted maybe years of your life.

Don't contact him, ask him not to contact you. You need to make the break as absolute as possible if you are to speed up the recovery.

Make a list of all the things you don't like about him,
1) Stringing me along when he wasn't really interested.
2) Keeping ringing me up though he must know it's upsetting to me
3) Thoughtlessness
4) Lying to me about loving me
5) Still trying to string me along ( as an insurance policy?)
6) Untrustworthy
7) Not involving me/ keeping me in touch with his plans to go.
etc.

You've got the idea, and read them over when you feel yourself weakening.

Now another list - aren't I lucky because,
1) I've found out what he is really like before I married him.
2) Before I had children with him.
3) Before I was inextricably entwined in his life
4) What a duff parent he would have been to our children - unreliable and untrustworthy.

Keep adding things.

Good luck.

Oh and get out, don't allow yourself to have time to think about it too much.
You need time and distance to do its work , visit friends, join clubs, visit family, make plans for holidays etc.