How do you cope with jealousy?

How do you deal with jealousy?

I am very much in love with my boyfriend, and I know he is as equally madly in love with me.

Yet I do sometimes feel a twinge of jealousy when he goes out with a friend of his, who just happens to be an ex-girlfriend. Childhood sweetheart, type of thing.

And I do trust him completely, and I do know it was him who broke up with her, and that it was many years ago, and that she's seeing someone else, and that nothing would ever happen, and all that...

But the twinge is still there. She really wants to meet me, and he wants me to meet her... but a part of me really doesn't want to.

It's entirely irrational, but very much there.

So, how do you deal with (irrational) jealousy?

Reply 1

username47781

20

You feel jealous and you say you trust him, how does that work?

What I will say is your boyfriend is perfectly entitled to life outside the relationship with his friends, least he tells you who he goes out with (not meaning to sound harsh).

Remember he is with you because he wants you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

It's my life

You feel jealous and you say you trust him, how does that work?

Perfectly well unfortunately. This is why it's commonly an irrational jealousy.

Reply 3

gCarroll

gCarroll just realises his own superiority, then the only thing remaining to be jealous of, is God.

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

I deal with jealous by making the person feel really bad.

Reply 5

username47781

20

Anonymous

I deal with jealous by making the person feel really bad.

Bad idea because then if you do that you are more likely to drive the person away.

Reply 6

Louise88

People always say that if you are jealous then you quite clearly can't trust them, they are wrong. I trust my boyfriend completely, I trust him more than i've ever trusted anyone in my life. I love him very much and he feels the same way but sometimes I still get that little twinge of jealousy. It's not about thinking he will cheat, because I know he wont. That's exactly why it is irrational, there is no real reason to be jealous it's just something you feel sometimes.

I just ignore it because I know it's completely irrational. When I feel like that I just leave it and i'll soon forget about it. If I don't make a big deal out of it, i'll forget that I felt that way. Knowing it is irrational is enough for me to snap out of it. There is no reason behind it as such, you just feel so strongly about someone that you do feel like that sometimes.

Irrational jealousy doesn't have anything to do with trust. You could trust a person completely and you could still feel jealous. That's just how it is i'm afraid though lots of people will never accept that. People who argue that that is exactly what it is, I don't think have experienced it.

Reply 7

Yellowmarshmellow

I'm a very jealous person and recently it's been making me and my best friend drift apart loads and was one of the reasons an ex of mine and me split up because i hated him seeing other girls and it annoyed him loads....so now i just try to tell myself that my bf and best mates aren't going to leave me and have more fun with me than other people (i hope) etc... it's hard though but if you let jealousy control you it'll destroy relationships :frown:

Reply 8

Anonymous #4

I try and pretend it isn't there.

Reply 9

pollystyrene07

1

i hate to admit it but i'm a really jealous person as well. to be honest i think it's all down to insecurity and low self-esteem rather than lack of trust. my bf has quite a lot of female friends & although i know he's not gonna run off with any of them, i'm just scared that they have more to offer him than i do (e.g. might be funnier, more intelligent etc.) but i guess he's with me for a reason & the same goes to you. i do think jealousy can drive partners away coz i wouldn't like it if he was jealous of my male friends so the trick is to just not show it & try & convince youself that you have no real reason to be jealous. you've admitted that it's irrational so that's a start! good luck.

Reply 10

Chocolate AssCream

Anonymous

So, how do you deal with (irrational) jealousy?

Badly...

What can I say, it's a powerful emotion. I don't think anyone can really control it, the most we can do is try and hide it I'm afraid.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Louise88

People always say that if you are jealous then you quite clearly can't trust them, they are wrong. I trust my boyfriend completely, I trust him more than i've ever trusted anyone in my life. I love him very much and he feels the same way but sometimes I still get that little twinge of jealousy. It's not about thinking he will cheat, because I know he wont. That's exactly why it is irrational, there is no real reason to be jealous it's just something you feel sometimes.

I just ignore it because I know it's completely irrational. When I feel like that I just leave it and i'll soon forget about it. If I don't make a big deal out of it, i'll forget that I felt that way. Knowing it is irrational is enough for me to snap out of it. There is no reason behind it as such, you just feel so strongly about someone that you do feel like that sometimes.

Irrational jealousy doesn't have anything to do with trust. You could trust a person completely and you could still feel jealous. That's just how it is i'm afraid though lots of people will never accept that. People who argue that that is exactly what it is, I don't think have experienced it.

Thank you. It's reassuring to know that there are others who feel the exact same way!

I trust my boyfriend entirely - I know exactly how he feels about me. There's no issue of him cheating - he wouldn't do that to me. I wouldn't ever tell him who he could and couldn't see. But... I do sometimes feel that twinge.

I did say it was irrational. :rolleyes: