I'm a bit wary of my date tomorrow.

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    I was walking to uni for a day of studying when a guy came along and started to chat to me. I was very closed off with him at first, as I am with every random guy who tries to chat with me but he was funny and good looking so I eventually warmed up. After a while of walking and chatting he asked me out and for some reason I agreed. I am seeing someone unofficially but we aren't committed and it isn't working out. This is the first time I accepted a date like this.

    The guy has a good career and is doing his masters now. I'm starting to wonder why he was chatting up a random girl when he should be able to meet lots of others. He said that he doesn't normally do this but that my smile drew him in (which I'm going to take with a grain of salt). How likely is it that a guy like this is a player looking to "score" as many girls as he can before dumping them? I was excited for the date at first but now I'm not so sure.
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was walking to uni for a day of studying when a guy came along and started to chat to me. I was very closed off with him at first, as I am with every random guy who tries to chat with me but he was funny and good looking so I eventually warmed up. After a while of walking and chatting he asked me out and for some reason I agreed. I am seeing someone unofficially but we aren't committed and it isn't working out. This is the first time I accepted a date like this.

    The guy has a good career and is doing his masters now. I'm starting to wonder why he was chatting up a random girl when he should be able to meet lots of others. He said that he doesn't normally do this but that my smile drew him in (which I'm going to take with a grain of salt). How likely is it that a guy like this is a player looking to "score" as many girls as he can before dumping them? I was excited for the date at first but now I'm not so sure.
    The fact that he said he doesn't do this often, means he deffo does.
    Look how confident he was to make a move. This guy has experiance.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was walking to uni for a day of studying when a guy came along and started to chat to me. I was very closed off with him at first, as I am with every random guy who tries to chat with me but he was funny and good looking so I eventually warmed up. After a while of walking and chatting he asked me out and for some reason I agreed. I am seeing someone unofficially but we aren't committed and it isn't working out. This is the first time I accepted a date like this.

    The guy has a good career and is doing his masters now. I'm starting to wonder why he was chatting up a random girl when he should be able to meet lots of others. He said that he doesn't normally do this but that my smile drew him in (which I'm going to take with a grain of salt). How likely is it that a guy like this is a player looking to "score" as many girls as he can before dumping them? I was excited for the date at first but now I'm not so sure.
    It does sound like an odd way to ask someone out but he may well have just plucked up the courage to ask you out for the reason he said, as long as you're meeting in a public place, tell people where you're going and don't let him pressure you into doing anything you don't want, I don't see the harm in one date. If you're worried about him trying to pick up random girls, hopefully you'll find out more about him on the date and if he tries anythin you can stay away. Obviously if you're feeling anxious and don't want to go, let him know in the most polite way possible that you'll have to cancel. Good luck either way!
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    Sounds quite exciting. Although he's clearly a smooth operator. No harm in a date and let us know how it goes.
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    I don't how all of that came from that encounter? Sounds like you're overthinking it. What are you afraid of? Nothing he has said or done has indicated that he is a player. You would have to get to know him and spend time with him to be able to tell.
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    Just go out and have fun and see how it goes hun.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    I don't how all of that came from that encounter? Sounds like you're overthinking it. What are you afraid of? Nothing he has said or done has indicated that he is a player. You would have to get to know him and spend time with him to be able to tell.
    I know I might sound a bit paranoid, I was just wondering why he would ask me out when I'm a random girl on the street, since he probably has lots of options.
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    Sounds quite exciting. Although he's clearly a smooth operator. No harm in a date and let us know how it goes.
    Will do
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How likely is it that a guy like this is a player looking to "score" as many girls as he can before dumping them? I was excited for the date at first but now I'm not so sure.
    Before the date (either by phone or text) or at the very start of the date, ask him straight up "What do you want from me...are you looking for a serious/monogamous girlfriend right now, or are you looking for casual sex/a fling?" This will put him in a position where he has to reveal his true romantic/sexual intentions to you. You can then decide whether you wish to reciprocate or reject him.

    If you're on the same page in terms of the type of relationship you both want, you can get together romantically/sexually. If you're not on the same page, don't waste any more time. End the date early, or don't go on the date at all.

    When you're upfront and direct with people, you force them to be the same towards you. Crystal clear verbal communication always trumps being vague and ambiguous, and clears up any confusion such as in your situation.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks guys, it looks like I was wrong about him because he was really sweet and quite the gentleman. The problem is that I'm still really hurt about the last guy so although I had a good time, my heart really wasn't in it (I tried to cancel the date and told him my situation so that I didn't end up stringing him along but he still wanted to go ahead with it). I feel that it would be wrong to keep letting this guy keep taking me on dates and insist on paying for everything if it's possible that this will go nowhere. Now I'm a bit stuck

    I don't know what's wrong with me, he seems great.
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks guys, it looks like I was wrong about him because he was really sweet and quite the gentleman. The problem is that I'm still really hurt about the last guy so although I had a good time, my heart really wasn't in it (I tried to cancel the date and told him my situation so that I didn't end up stringing him along but he still wanted to go ahead with it). I feel that it would be wrong to keep letting this guy keep taking me on dates and insist on paying for everything if it's possible that this will go nowhere. Now I'm a bit stuck

    I don't know what's wrong with me, he seems great.
    That's really good, what type of date did you go on?
    Usually if it's a drinks date, a guy just wants to sleep with you.

    Why do you think it won't go anywhere? And if you feel bad, suggest you split bill in half.
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    Follow your heart...
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    Not like you have to rush but why not go on another date, sounds like he really likes you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The fact that he said he doesn't do this often, means he deffo does.
    Look how confident he was to make a move. This guy has experiance.
    Not necessarily. One of my friends i hit it off with in a pub randomly after meeting her through a friend. I certainly do not normally bring anyone back to my house (my personal space) and she is not normally the most trusting of people and certainly not likely to go home with a stranger.

    Yet five months later we are very good friends are very close.

    Sometimes people just click.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's really good, what type of date did you go on?
    Usually if it's a drinks date, a guy just wants to sleep with you.

    Why do you think it won't go anywhere? And if you feel bad, suggest you split bill in half.
    We went for a meal then some drinks then he took me for a drive. I did try to pay more than once but he insisted on paying for everything every time. I can tell that he would spoil me if we were in a relationship but I just couldn't feel any chemistry. I must be crazy but I can't force what just isn't there. Besides, I want to take some time to look after myself and heal from past experiences. I'm not ready to date anyone just yet, even though it's possible I'll regret letting a guy like this go. It's not like they grow on trees.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Not like you have to rush but why not go on another date, sounds like he really likes you.
    I've considered it but worry that I'll end up wasting his time if this doesn't work out. Emotionally I'm a mess and can't be available for anyone just yet
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We went for a meal then some drinks then he took me for a drive. I did try to pay more than once but he insisted on paying for everything every time. I can tell that he would spoil me if we were in a relationship but I just couldn't feel any chemistry. I must be crazy but I can't force what just isn't there. Besides, I want to take some time to look after myself and heal from past experiences. I'm not ready to date anyone just yet, even though it's possible I'll regret letting a guy like this go. It's not like they grow on trees.
    Some of it is about timing. he's been nice so far, but really tou dont know him well enough.

    If he insists he pays all the time, then be careful he doesnt try and use the earnings imbalance. He should listen to you.

    You sound sensible, if theres no spark then its thanks but no thanks and then have a ime out for yourself. You cna let him down gently although be sure he doesnt get pushy. keep his contact and review it in a few months or whenever you feel ready. Dont let him pester you.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Some of it is about timing. he's been nice so far, but really tou dont know him well enough.

    If he insists he pays all the time, then be careful he doesnt try and use the earnings imbalance. He should listen to you.

    You sound sensible, if theres no spark then its thanks but no thanks and then have a ime out for yourself. You cna let him down gently although be sure he doesnt get pushy. keep his contact and review it in a few months or whenever you feel ready. Dont let him pester you.
    Thanks for your post . You are right; I know what I want at the moment and should not allow myself to be pressured into anything else.
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We went for a meal then some drinks then he took me for a drive. I did try to pay more than once but he insisted on paying for everything every time. I can tell that he would spoil me if we were in a relationship but I just couldn't feel any chemistry. I must be crazy but I can't force what just isn't there. Besides, I want to take some time to look after myself and heal from past experiences. I'm not ready to date anyone just yet, even though it's possible I'll regret letting a guy like this go. It's not like they grow on trees.
    If there is no chemistry then it's not meant to happen. And you are right; you can never force chemistry.

    I have been there, and tried to force it, such as robotic flirting and teasing. It worked well it the short term, but after a while I knew nothing was happening. And I wasted my time.

    All this while while I was forcing chemistry and wasting time, there was this girl who I had natural chemistry with, and always had fun. But as I put more attention on forcing chemistry with the other girl.

    The girl I had chemistry with, she eventually stopped making an effort with me, and I do feel I lost out on a friend and even a potential gf.

    So your right never try and force anything, it will never happen.
    You seem quite young? How old actually are you?
    Even if you are young, you are mature, you want to work on yourself
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've considered it but worry that I'll end up wasting his time if this doesn't work out. Emotionally I'm a mess and can't be available for anyone just yet
    How long was your last relationship? It seems to have taken a toll in you?
 
 
 
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