Is Romance Dead? What are romantic things you appreciate and do?
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Original post by SeanFM
I am all 3 of those things as well - trust me. You have to be aware of it and consciously try to change, even if it doesnt come naturally.
I suppose
ohhhh at ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Internet killed the romantic boyfriend star
Original post by BurstingBubbles
With modern technology such as dating apps, finding relationships seems to be much easier - but do they tend to last as long and be as romantic? 
Do couples still have date nights? Do people still put in enough effort into relationships? What are the romantic things you do/would like to do and receive back?
Do couples still have date nights? Do people still put in enough effort into relationships? What are the romantic things you do/would like to do and receive back?
Well I'm hopelss romantic, so is the guy I'm with sooooo... still excist its not history... yet.
Original post by Foo.mp3
No and no, and the related feeling of being disconnect only enhances the tech-addiction of youth culture (which is the main platform for the 'services' that enable these transient dalliances). It's a vicious circle
Some do, but it's less of a thing than it was 10-15 years ago among young professionals. Everyone seems to be stuck in lifestyles that keep them busy/occupied the whole time (not even giving themselves 'me'-time), and many have become very egocentric (not giving partners 'us'-time), but instead preferring to maintain 'independence' (distance) and treating girl/boy-friends more like social/sexual accessories than partners!
As above, post the 'century of self', this tends increasingly to be through an egotistical, rather than altruistic, frame e.g. instead of asking 'what can I give/provide' the internal question posed by anyone considering making more effort is 'what am I going to get out of this', 'what's in it for me', and often times: 'what's the point investing if I don't know where I'll be in 5 years time?'
Enhanced social mobility vs. the insecurity of the cost of living/housing crisis and labour market conditions mean that young people feel as though they have a less stable basis for a relationship/not such a strong sense for permanency
Personally I'm fairly unable to do romantic things all that often, and have yet to meet a girl who inspires true romance in me, but if I were able and willing I suppose some of the cliché stuff would be nice (punting, rowing, picnics, city breaks, etc) plus some more organic stuff like exploring common interests, nature and the wilds
Some do, but it's less of a thing than it was 10-15 years ago among young professionals. Everyone seems to be stuck in lifestyles that keep them busy/occupied the whole time (not even giving themselves 'me'-time), and many have become very egocentric (not giving partners 'us'-time), but instead preferring to maintain 'independence' (distance) and treating girl/boy-friends more like social/sexual accessories than partners!
As above, post the 'century of self', this tends increasingly to be through an egotistical, rather than altruistic, frame e.g. instead of asking 'what can I give/provide' the internal question posed by anyone considering making more effort is 'what am I going to get out of this', 'what's in it for me', and often times: 'what's the point investing if I don't know where I'll be in 5 years time?'
Enhanced social mobility vs. the insecurity of the cost of living/housing crisis and labour market conditions mean that young people feel as though they have a less stable basis for a relationship/not such a strong sense for permanency
Personally I'm fairly unable to do romantic things all that often, and have yet to meet a girl who inspires true romance in me, but if I were able and willing I suppose some of the cliché stuff would be nice (punting, rowing, picnics, city breaks, etc) plus some more organic stuff like exploring common interests, nature and the wilds
The psychological/sociological insights of your posts really interest me
I have realised that the most important part of romance is sincerity, even with the introduction of technology and less and less seemingly romantic gestures in our daily lives. I used to think romance was about all those cliche things you see in films, if someone did those things everything would surely be perfect and romantic, right? Wrong.
The thing is that I've had all of that. I've had chivalry, rose petals, candles, poetic messages, getaway breaks but none of it counts for anything now because it all falls away if there is no true chemistry and love, substance and sincerity to a relationship. No matter these things, it didn't change the person I was dating into any more of a romantic or suitable person for me. That's not to say that these things went unappreciated or that they're not romantic, because they are, I just don't think they stand on their own.
My boyfriend is not cliche. He didn't really "do" romance before he met me, in his own words. He simply didn't do "soppiness" either. But in the things he does, his sincere gestures of love, his honesty, his self-confessed "I don't know how to be romantic but I'm doing it for you" kind of ways he really makes me feel more loved than a bath full of rose petals and candles ever would. He doesn't do this stuff because it's a staple of any cliche way to make your relationship romantic, he does things genuinely out of loving me and him saying "I want to walk you home because I want extra time with you" or "I made you a tea because I know you're tired" or "I waited to watch this because I know you want to watch it too" are all, small but meaningful, things that matter so much more to me than any other kind of fantasy act of romance.
I used to feel pressured to be independent and confident. I was not allowed to cave into my anxiety or it would make me weak or pathetic. I couldn't moan or complain because I felt I needed to be a grown up, I needed to meet the standards that had been set out for me and in return I was then worthy of love.
Now I am worthy of love even when I am weak, when I'm anxious, when I have a breakdown. Now I can be safe, be me, free from judgement and criticism because neither of us want the other to change and that's just the way it should be. Romance is the feeling of being home, for me. Just spending a day with him would feel romantic even if we were mucking out a pig pen because time spent with each other is fun, funny and worthwhile.
I have grown a lot as a person but I also know that it's okay to be myself, it's okay to love each other so much that we miss each other and need each other. What's romantic is falling in through his doorway after a long day and snuggling up in our pyjamas with tea and something to watch together. Even if we don't speak that much or "do" anything in particular, it's just nice to feel that we want and need each others' company. What's romantic is when we're doing our university work together, me sat on his bed on the laptop and him on his computer and taking little tea breaks and earning little kisses from each other because we've worked so hard. I'M RAMBLING but what I'm saying is that romance is not dead. It might be a bit squished into our busy lives but if you love each other it really isn't hard to make that effort.
Sometimes he says he doesn't want to spend money because he's running a little low and instead of being annoyed that my man won't treat me out to dinner, I understand and either I pay or, if I'm also poor, we stay in and cook something that's in the fridge and have a laugh together in the kitchen. You can make romance every day if you choose to appreciate things that aren't always deemed romantic in the movies.
Thoughtfulness, sincerity, care and effort are all romantic for me, you just need to be open-minded and understanding and don't expect your relationship to look like a chick-flick. Just because you're going through those motions doesn't mean it will feel romantic.
The thing is that I've had all of that. I've had chivalry, rose petals, candles, poetic messages, getaway breaks but none of it counts for anything now because it all falls away if there is no true chemistry and love, substance and sincerity to a relationship. No matter these things, it didn't change the person I was dating into any more of a romantic or suitable person for me. That's not to say that these things went unappreciated or that they're not romantic, because they are, I just don't think they stand on their own.
My boyfriend is not cliche. He didn't really "do" romance before he met me, in his own words. He simply didn't do "soppiness" either. But in the things he does, his sincere gestures of love, his honesty, his self-confessed "I don't know how to be romantic but I'm doing it for you" kind of ways he really makes me feel more loved than a bath full of rose petals and candles ever would. He doesn't do this stuff because it's a staple of any cliche way to make your relationship romantic, he does things genuinely out of loving me and him saying "I want to walk you home because I want extra time with you" or "I made you a tea because I know you're tired" or "I waited to watch this because I know you want to watch it too" are all, small but meaningful, things that matter so much more to me than any other kind of fantasy act of romance.
I used to feel pressured to be independent and confident. I was not allowed to cave into my anxiety or it would make me weak or pathetic. I couldn't moan or complain because I felt I needed to be a grown up, I needed to meet the standards that had been set out for me and in return I was then worthy of love.
Now I am worthy of love even when I am weak, when I'm anxious, when I have a breakdown. Now I can be safe, be me, free from judgement and criticism because neither of us want the other to change and that's just the way it should be. Romance is the feeling of being home, for me. Just spending a day with him would feel romantic even if we were mucking out a pig pen because time spent with each other is fun, funny and worthwhile.
I have grown a lot as a person but I also know that it's okay to be myself, it's okay to love each other so much that we miss each other and need each other. What's romantic is falling in through his doorway after a long day and snuggling up in our pyjamas with tea and something to watch together. Even if we don't speak that much or "do" anything in particular, it's just nice to feel that we want and need each others' company. What's romantic is when we're doing our university work together, me sat on his bed on the laptop and him on his computer and taking little tea breaks and earning little kisses from each other because we've worked so hard. I'M RAMBLING but what I'm saying is that romance is not dead. It might be a bit squished into our busy lives but if you love each other it really isn't hard to make that effort.
Sometimes he says he doesn't want to spend money because he's running a little low and instead of being annoyed that my man won't treat me out to dinner, I understand and either I pay or, if I'm also poor, we stay in and cook something that's in the fridge and have a laugh together in the kitchen. You can make romance every day if you choose to appreciate things that aren't always deemed romantic in the movies.
Thoughtfulness, sincerity, care and effort are all romantic for me, you just need to be open-minded and understanding and don't expect your relationship to look like a chick-flick. Just because you're going through those motions doesn't mean it will feel romantic.
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