Never been in love
*please don't quote incase I delete. Thank you!
(Scroll down to bottom for summary version of all of this)
This is going to be really ranting for the most part. I'm 20 and I've never been in love. I know that's young and a lot of people will tell me to give it time but so far I feel like I'm a lost cause.
I don't believe in soulmates or about the "right person" who will magically walk into my life one day. I feel like being in love is basically just love -like friends/family but mixed in with lust and romantic/sexual attraction to someone. So far I've had officially 1 boyfriend and several "dates" with another currently as well as at least 4 other people in the past (which just didn't escalate past one date.)
The first boyfriend was hardly one I would consider today. I was 17 and he was basically someone I went into a relationship with because I felt pressured by all my friends getting into relationships. He was a year older than me and equally as shy but even more inexperienced than me. He had never kissed someone and I'm not a forward person so this lead to a lot of awkward going in for kiss turned to hugs. I eventually ended it pretty soon after the 3rd attempt.
The current guy I've been seeing I was talking to online for a year and a half before meeting in person. During that online period I genuinely thought I fell in love. It was only after meeting regularly I started to doubt this and now I'm sure that I'm not. I care deeply about him and may even have some form of platonic love for him but definitely not in love. He is convinced we are dating whereas I've made clear we are still friends. I'm especially sure I don't want to put a label on it now because if I was his girlfriend I'd *need* to be intimate with him and all that typical relationship things.
What these two have in common are that I met them both on dating sites and after meeting in person didn't feel particularly attracted to them. Not that they were ugly, they aren't. I just did/do not feel like I want to kiss them or do anything coupley with them. The thought makes me cringe.
Selfishly though I did/do enjoy the validation of someone loving me and wanting me. Although, I regularly struggle with self doubts about it and myself. I'm an extremely insecure person and I don't feel near as pretty enough to get someone I'd usually be attracted to in real life. Obviously, attractive people date other attractive people that's normal. I consider myself average, I'm average/thin-ish weight, young and female so even though I'm not that good looking I can still get a decent amount of matched on dating sites as its easier for women than men.
So once I discovered my first boyfriend basically tell me I was the only one who matched with him (at least the only one who would've kept talking to him) it made me feel like he just had no other choice so he pursued me. Same with the recent guy. He hasn't straight out said it besides a joke but judging by the stories I've heard from guys perspective on dating sites I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only choice with him as well. It just makes me feel like they'd do much better if given the option. Like I'm not special at all. Not saying I believe in a one and only, I think many people can fall in love with several other people but I question did they really love me for me or was I just the only option there? I cannot see how anyone with options would want to choose me though. I don't think my looks or personality is attractive but that might just be me throwing myself another insecure pity party again.
Am I shallow that I imagine someone would only truly want me if I was beautiful? Because I sometimes feel really shallow for not being attracted to the guys who "loved" me. I so wish I felt the same way. I think the reason I didn't fall in love with them is because of the lack of attraction. But again that's so shallow seeming to me. My goal is definitely not to just find the most attractive guy in the room. I probably wouldn't date above my league and I've not got super high standards like must be a 10/10, just someone I feel attracted to in general! I just want to find someone that I *want* to be intimate with and *want* to kiss. I want to want someone as much as they want me. Not just lust but fall in love.
Makes me question how so many people can fall for someone so easy? Usually average looking couples as well. You know with attractive couples that there will be lust there then they probably fell in love but with average looking people, not every time is there going to be an immediate attraction or lust. For example my dad is very unattractive (he's a bad person so I can criticise lol) and my step mum isn't exactly super attractive either yet she told me once that "you don't need to be attracted to them." When I talked about my issue with my ex. So are a fair amount of people just putting on some kind of an act? I know you can love someone and not have the hots for them but let's be real, for most people at the *start* that's a very important ingredient to eventually falling in love with someone.
---------
To sum up I feel like the guys who have claimed they loved me were just either desperate/lonely, or putting on an act to fit the usual romantic interest mold. And I also feel like as long as I'm not pretty I will never attract someone who I feel attracted to thus will never fall in love.
Thanks for reading my rant. I'd appreciate whatever advice or stories anyone has. 🙂
(Scroll down to bottom for summary version of all of this)
This is going to be really ranting for the most part. I'm 20 and I've never been in love. I know that's young and a lot of people will tell me to give it time but so far I feel like I'm a lost cause.
I don't believe in soulmates or about the "right person" who will magically walk into my life one day. I feel like being in love is basically just love -like friends/family but mixed in with lust and romantic/sexual attraction to someone. So far I've had officially 1 boyfriend and several "dates" with another currently as well as at least 4 other people in the past (which just didn't escalate past one date.)
The first boyfriend was hardly one I would consider today. I was 17 and he was basically someone I went into a relationship with because I felt pressured by all my friends getting into relationships. He was a year older than me and equally as shy but even more inexperienced than me. He had never kissed someone and I'm not a forward person so this lead to a lot of awkward going in for kiss turned to hugs. I eventually ended it pretty soon after the 3rd attempt.
The current guy I've been seeing I was talking to online for a year and a half before meeting in person. During that online period I genuinely thought I fell in love. It was only after meeting regularly I started to doubt this and now I'm sure that I'm not. I care deeply about him and may even have some form of platonic love for him but definitely not in love. He is convinced we are dating whereas I've made clear we are still friends. I'm especially sure I don't want to put a label on it now because if I was his girlfriend I'd *need* to be intimate with him and all that typical relationship things.
What these two have in common are that I met them both on dating sites and after meeting in person didn't feel particularly attracted to them. Not that they were ugly, they aren't. I just did/do not feel like I want to kiss them or do anything coupley with them. The thought makes me cringe.
Selfishly though I did/do enjoy the validation of someone loving me and wanting me. Although, I regularly struggle with self doubts about it and myself. I'm an extremely insecure person and I don't feel near as pretty enough to get someone I'd usually be attracted to in real life. Obviously, attractive people date other attractive people that's normal. I consider myself average, I'm average/thin-ish weight, young and female so even though I'm not that good looking I can still get a decent amount of matched on dating sites as its easier for women than men.
So once I discovered my first boyfriend basically tell me I was the only one who matched with him (at least the only one who would've kept talking to him) it made me feel like he just had no other choice so he pursued me. Same with the recent guy. He hasn't straight out said it besides a joke but judging by the stories I've heard from guys perspective on dating sites I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only choice with him as well. It just makes me feel like they'd do much better if given the option. Like I'm not special at all. Not saying I believe in a one and only, I think many people can fall in love with several other people but I question did they really love me for me or was I just the only option there? I cannot see how anyone with options would want to choose me though. I don't think my looks or personality is attractive but that might just be me throwing myself another insecure pity party again.
Am I shallow that I imagine someone would only truly want me if I was beautiful? Because I sometimes feel really shallow for not being attracted to the guys who "loved" me. I so wish I felt the same way. I think the reason I didn't fall in love with them is because of the lack of attraction. But again that's so shallow seeming to me. My goal is definitely not to just find the most attractive guy in the room. I probably wouldn't date above my league and I've not got super high standards like must be a 10/10, just someone I feel attracted to in general! I just want to find someone that I *want* to be intimate with and *want* to kiss. I want to want someone as much as they want me. Not just lust but fall in love.
Makes me question how so many people can fall for someone so easy? Usually average looking couples as well. You know with attractive couples that there will be lust there then they probably fell in love but with average looking people, not every time is there going to be an immediate attraction or lust. For example my dad is very unattractive (he's a bad person so I can criticise lol) and my step mum isn't exactly super attractive either yet she told me once that "you don't need to be attracted to them." When I talked about my issue with my ex. So are a fair amount of people just putting on some kind of an act? I know you can love someone and not have the hots for them but let's be real, for most people at the *start* that's a very important ingredient to eventually falling in love with someone.
---------
To sum up I feel like the guys who have claimed they loved me were just either desperate/lonely, or putting on an act to fit the usual romantic interest mold. And I also feel like as long as I'm not pretty I will never attract someone who I feel attracted to thus will never fall in love.
Thanks for reading my rant. I'd appreciate whatever advice or stories anyone has. 🙂
You sound to be very unhappy generally and maybe you should focus on finding your self confidence and knowledge of the world just now. Park the search for a relationship and a 'man' as not for you right now.
Yes be aware many men are manipulative, want sex and want power. This equals distress and unnecessary grief. If you search for a relationship when you don't understand who you are and what you actually want will lead to many men assuming the way is clear for them to 'walk' all over you. Go into any relationship with your eyes open. Ask yourself why someone is professing love in the way they do as yes they might be fake and want either sex or your money or a visa. If you don't feel love don't link in with them but keep them as a friend. It's ok not to love someone, and maybe you never will. But in the same way you like tea, coffee, water, juice you can decide to turn down a man and know they are not for you.
Have confidence to know you do not need to have a man to make life good. You might be surprised at how life pans out when you stop thinking you need someone to have a relationship. Just stop thinking that your number one issue is a lack of a relationship, it is much more common than you think and many people now don't find any 'love' until they are much older, in their 30's, 40's. Be choosy you need to meet many hundreds of men to find someone you love, and even then they might not love you back. Life is hard that way. Make sure who ever you have a relationship with is the right person for you and not just 'someone' because everyone else seems to be having a good time with a 'man' Looks are deceptive, and if you hook up with someone who does not treat you like a million dollars - ditch them.
Explore life as much as you can. If you work get to know your colleagues, go out with them at every opportunity. Find your own life interests and understand yourself much more. You do not need a 'man' to be happy but any relationships you do have should enhance life not make you feel far worse. If you don't work volunteer and meet others. Put your heart and soul into doing something for someone else to make their life a little bit better. Look at every single plus or positive you have that is good. Start physically with every part of you that works. If it doesn't work well, make it work better. Look at the world around you, get a passion for trees, for birds, for wildlife, for mountains, for boats, for planes, for how everything works and interacts. Look at everything in your life, diet, exercise etc. Start running, cycling and look for a group that meets and find your feet there. Join a walking group and join them, some are advertised at health centres, explore history around your area.
Keep trying everything there is on offer around you just once. Look at the Buddhist's principles of calm and way of life.
Yes be aware many men are manipulative, want sex and want power. This equals distress and unnecessary grief. If you search for a relationship when you don't understand who you are and what you actually want will lead to many men assuming the way is clear for them to 'walk' all over you. Go into any relationship with your eyes open. Ask yourself why someone is professing love in the way they do as yes they might be fake and want either sex or your money or a visa. If you don't feel love don't link in with them but keep them as a friend. It's ok not to love someone, and maybe you never will. But in the same way you like tea, coffee, water, juice you can decide to turn down a man and know they are not for you.
Have confidence to know you do not need to have a man to make life good. You might be surprised at how life pans out when you stop thinking you need someone to have a relationship. Just stop thinking that your number one issue is a lack of a relationship, it is much more common than you think and many people now don't find any 'love' until they are much older, in their 30's, 40's. Be choosy you need to meet many hundreds of men to find someone you love, and even then they might not love you back. Life is hard that way. Make sure who ever you have a relationship with is the right person for you and not just 'someone' because everyone else seems to be having a good time with a 'man' Looks are deceptive, and if you hook up with someone who does not treat you like a million dollars - ditch them.
Explore life as much as you can. If you work get to know your colleagues, go out with them at every opportunity. Find your own life interests and understand yourself much more. You do not need a 'man' to be happy but any relationships you do have should enhance life not make you feel far worse. If you don't work volunteer and meet others. Put your heart and soul into doing something for someone else to make their life a little bit better. Look at every single plus or positive you have that is good. Start physically with every part of you that works. If it doesn't work well, make it work better. Look at the world around you, get a passion for trees, for birds, for wildlife, for mountains, for boats, for planes, for how everything works and interacts. Look at everything in your life, diet, exercise etc. Start running, cycling and look for a group that meets and find your feet there. Join a walking group and join them, some are advertised at health centres, explore history around your area.
Keep trying everything there is on offer around you just once. Look at the Buddhist's principles of calm and way of life.
Original post by Beforesunsets
*please don't quote incase I delete. Thank you!
(Scroll down to bottom for summary version of all of this)
This is going to be really ranting for the most part. I'm 20 and I've never been in love. I know that's young and a lot of people will tell me to give it time but so far I feel like I'm a lost cause.
I don't believe in soulmates or about the "right person" who will magically walk into my life one day. I feel like being in love is basically just love -like friends/family but mixed in with lust and romantic/sexual attraction to someone. So far I've had officially 1 boyfriend and several "dates" with another currently as well as at least 4 other people in the past (which just didn't escalate past one date.)
The first boyfriend was hardly one I would consider today. I was 17 and he was basically someone I went into a relationship with because I felt pressured by all my friends getting into relationships. He was a year older than me and equally as shy but even more inexperienced than me. He had never kissed someone and I'm not a forward person so this lead to a lot of awkward going in for kiss turned to hugs. I eventually ended it pretty soon after the 3rd attempt.
The current guy I've been seeing I was talking to online for a year and a half before meeting in person. During that online period I genuinely thought I fell in love. It was only after meeting regularly I started to doubt this and now I'm sure that I'm not. I care deeply about him and may even have some form of platonic love for him but definitely not in love. He is convinced we are dating whereas I've made clear we are still friends. I'm especially sure I don't want to put a label on it now because if I was his girlfriend I'd *need* to be intimate with him and all that typical relationship things.
What these two have in common are that I met them both on dating sites and after meeting in person didn't feel particularly attracted to them. Not that they were ugly, they aren't. I just did/do not feel like I want to kiss them or do anything coupley with them. The thought makes me cringe.
Selfishly though I did/do enjoy the validation of someone loving me and wanting me. Although, I regularly struggle with self doubts about it and myself. I'm an extremely insecure person and I don't feel near as pretty enough to get someone I'd usually be attracted to in real life. Obviously, attractive people date other attractive people that's normal. I consider myself average, I'm average/thin-ish weight, young and female so even though I'm not that good looking I can still get a decent amount of matched on dating sites as its easier for women than men.
So once I discovered my first boyfriend basically tell me I was the only one who matched with him (at least the only one who would've kept talking to him) it made me feel like he just had no other choice so he pursued me. Same with the recent guy. He hasn't straight out said it besides a joke but judging by the stories I've heard from guys perspective on dating sites I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only choice with him as well. It just makes me feel like they'd do much better if given the option. Like I'm not special at all. Not saying I believe in a one and only, I think many people can fall in love with several other people but I question did they really love me for me or was I just the only option there? I cannot see how anyone with options would want to choose me though. I don't think my looks or personality is attractive but that might just be me throwing myself another insecure pity party again.
Am I shallow that I imagine someone would only truly want me if I was beautiful? Because I sometimes feel really shallow for not being attracted to the guys who "loved" me. I so wish I felt the same way. I think the reason I didn't fall in love with them is because of the lack of attraction. But again that's so shallow seeming to me. My goal is definitely not to just find the most attractive guy in the room. I probably wouldn't date above my league and I've not got super high standards like must be a 10/10, just someone I feel attracted to in general! I just want to find someone that I *want* to be intimate with and *want* to kiss. I want to want someone as much as they want me. Not just lust but fall in love.
Makes me question how so many people can fall for someone so easy? Usually average looking couples as well. You know with attractive couples that there will be lust there then they probably fell in love but with average looking people, not every time is there going to be an immediate attraction or lust. For example my dad is very unattractive (he's a bad person so I can criticise lol) and my step mum isn't exactly super attractive either yet she told me once that "you don't need to be attracted to them." When I talked about my issue with my ex. So are a fair amount of people just putting on some kind of an act? I know you can love someone and not have the hots for them but let's be real, for most people at the *start* that's a very important ingredient to eventually falling in love with someone.
---------
To sum up I feel like the guys who have claimed they loved me were just either desperate/lonely, or putting on an act to fit the usual romantic interest mold. And I also feel like as long as I'm not pretty I will never attract someone who I feel attracted to thus will never fall in love.
Thanks for reading my rant. I'd appreciate whatever advice or stories anyone has. 🙂
(Scroll down to bottom for summary version of all of this)
This is going to be really ranting for the most part. I'm 20 and I've never been in love. I know that's young and a lot of people will tell me to give it time but so far I feel like I'm a lost cause.
I don't believe in soulmates or about the "right person" who will magically walk into my life one day. I feel like being in love is basically just love -like friends/family but mixed in with lust and romantic/sexual attraction to someone. So far I've had officially 1 boyfriend and several "dates" with another currently as well as at least 4 other people in the past (which just didn't escalate past one date.)
The first boyfriend was hardly one I would consider today. I was 17 and he was basically someone I went into a relationship with because I felt pressured by all my friends getting into relationships. He was a year older than me and equally as shy but even more inexperienced than me. He had never kissed someone and I'm not a forward person so this lead to a lot of awkward going in for kiss turned to hugs. I eventually ended it pretty soon after the 3rd attempt.
The current guy I've been seeing I was talking to online for a year and a half before meeting in person. During that online period I genuinely thought I fell in love. It was only after meeting regularly I started to doubt this and now I'm sure that I'm not. I care deeply about him and may even have some form of platonic love for him but definitely not in love. He is convinced we are dating whereas I've made clear we are still friends. I'm especially sure I don't want to put a label on it now because if I was his girlfriend I'd *need* to be intimate with him and all that typical relationship things.
What these two have in common are that I met them both on dating sites and after meeting in person didn't feel particularly attracted to them. Not that they were ugly, they aren't. I just did/do not feel like I want to kiss them or do anything coupley with them. The thought makes me cringe.
Selfishly though I did/do enjoy the validation of someone loving me and wanting me. Although, I regularly struggle with self doubts about it and myself. I'm an extremely insecure person and I don't feel near as pretty enough to get someone I'd usually be attracted to in real life. Obviously, attractive people date other attractive people that's normal. I consider myself average, I'm average/thin-ish weight, young and female so even though I'm not that good looking I can still get a decent amount of matched on dating sites as its easier for women than men.
So once I discovered my first boyfriend basically tell me I was the only one who matched with him (at least the only one who would've kept talking to him) it made me feel like he just had no other choice so he pursued me. Same with the recent guy. He hasn't straight out said it besides a joke but judging by the stories I've heard from guys perspective on dating sites I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only choice with him as well. It just makes me feel like they'd do much better if given the option. Like I'm not special at all. Not saying I believe in a one and only, I think many people can fall in love with several other people but I question did they really love me for me or was I just the only option there? I cannot see how anyone with options would want to choose me though. I don't think my looks or personality is attractive but that might just be me throwing myself another insecure pity party again.
Am I shallow that I imagine someone would only truly want me if I was beautiful? Because I sometimes feel really shallow for not being attracted to the guys who "loved" me. I so wish I felt the same way. I think the reason I didn't fall in love with them is because of the lack of attraction. But again that's so shallow seeming to me. My goal is definitely not to just find the most attractive guy in the room. I probably wouldn't date above my league and I've not got super high standards like must be a 10/10, just someone I feel attracted to in general! I just want to find someone that I *want* to be intimate with and *want* to kiss. I want to want someone as much as they want me. Not just lust but fall in love.
Makes me question how so many people can fall for someone so easy? Usually average looking couples as well. You know with attractive couples that there will be lust there then they probably fell in love but with average looking people, not every time is there going to be an immediate attraction or lust. For example my dad is very unattractive (he's a bad person so I can criticise lol) and my step mum isn't exactly super attractive either yet she told me once that "you don't need to be attracted to them." When I talked about my issue with my ex. So are a fair amount of people just putting on some kind of an act? I know you can love someone and not have the hots for them but let's be real, for most people at the *start* that's a very important ingredient to eventually falling in love with someone.
---------
To sum up I feel like the guys who have claimed they loved me were just either desperate/lonely, or putting on an act to fit the usual romantic interest mold. And I also feel like as long as I'm not pretty I will never attract someone who I feel attracted to thus will never fall in love.
Thanks for reading my rant. I'd appreciate whatever advice or stories anyone has. 🙂
This is really long and I don’t have the capacity to read all of it, but based on the header I’d say lucky you
I'm also 20 and I've also never been in love. And that's ok.
I strongly believe that to fall in love with somebody else you must love yourself first. I think the best thing you could do for yourself right now is to stop going on these dating apps/sites and just focus on yourself and learn to love yourself, learn to appreciate your own company, and learn to like being single. Your worth is not defined by whether you're in a relationship or not. Don't try to rush it because you are young and falling in love doesn't have a specific timeline. It can happen to anybody at any time and I do think that it happens when we least expect it. But you need to be confident in yourself first so you know your self worth.
From your last paragraph, you attract what you radiate and right now you're stuck in that mindset of "I feel lonely rn, I want to fall in love so badly, but I'm not good enough" so you're more likely to stay in your comfort zone and not go for the guys you actually could have a chance with and you might deserve more than those who are just "settling" for you because you matched on an app. As long as you believe that you will never attract the people you are attracted to that will probably continue being the case. Your thoughts are powerful.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that I really really don't think that looks matter as much as personality does. Think about how many people crushed on Eddie Munson and how many hot women Pete Davidson has dated. These guys are not that physically attractive, but they're funny and caring and really interesting people who look quite fun to hang out with. Good looks will only get you so far, it's the personality that you fall in love with though. And people can fall in love on a purely romantic basis without any sexual attraction or lust involved. For example I'm asexual, and even though I've never fallen in love I have felt romantic feelings towards a couple of people.
In summary: You don't need to fall in love to be whole. You're not missing out on anything important (although I'm not saying that it's unimportant when it does happen). Your life can be fulfilling without romantic love. But you need to work on yourself so you can love yourself and fufil yourself with other things.
I strongly believe that to fall in love with somebody else you must love yourself first. I think the best thing you could do for yourself right now is to stop going on these dating apps/sites and just focus on yourself and learn to love yourself, learn to appreciate your own company, and learn to like being single. Your worth is not defined by whether you're in a relationship or not. Don't try to rush it because you are young and falling in love doesn't have a specific timeline. It can happen to anybody at any time and I do think that it happens when we least expect it. But you need to be confident in yourself first so you know your self worth.
From your last paragraph, you attract what you radiate and right now you're stuck in that mindset of "I feel lonely rn, I want to fall in love so badly, but I'm not good enough" so you're more likely to stay in your comfort zone and not go for the guys you actually could have a chance with and you might deserve more than those who are just "settling" for you because you matched on an app. As long as you believe that you will never attract the people you are attracted to that will probably continue being the case. Your thoughts are powerful.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that I really really don't think that looks matter as much as personality does. Think about how many people crushed on Eddie Munson and how many hot women Pete Davidson has dated. These guys are not that physically attractive, but they're funny and caring and really interesting people who look quite fun to hang out with. Good looks will only get you so far, it's the personality that you fall in love with though. And people can fall in love on a purely romantic basis without any sexual attraction or lust involved. For example I'm asexual, and even though I've never fallen in love I have felt romantic feelings towards a couple of people.
In summary: You don't need to fall in love to be whole. You're not missing out on anything important (although I'm not saying that it's unimportant when it does happen). Your life can be fulfilling without romantic love. But you need to work on yourself so you can love yourself and fufil yourself with other things.
Original post by Anonymous
This is really long and I don’t have the capacity to read all of it, but based on the header I’d say lucky you
I know this was posted a while ago but this reply is disrespectful. Litearlly the first two sentences I ask for you not to quote reply my post and that a brief summery is put at the bottom which is less than a standard paragraph amount. If you have nothing to bring to this conversation you should have not replied.
Thank you for your response. To be clear the post doesn't fully define me. I really do want to experience love however I am a very independent person. I 100% do not feel like I need a man. I could see myself dying alone hahaha. All I want is to experience it because I'm a big romantic when it comes to media - books, movies etc. And I struggle a lot with romance in real life for reasons I'm not entirely sure of but have a theory why which is too long to list rn.
I appreciate your advice. I think you're right about the whole attracting what you think you deserve. I'm very guilty of being hyper focused on my flaws and stumbling into weird red pill videos that tell you appearance is all that matters. I do not believe in that stuff but it puts fear into me that it's how men view women and dating. But I cannot generalise obviously. I'm just clearly consuming media that makes me feel worest about myself and society.
Anyways I'll spare the novel worth that I could write about all my feelings and thoughts. Thanks again for the response.
I appreciate your advice. I think you're right about the whole attracting what you think you deserve. I'm very guilty of being hyper focused on my flaws and stumbling into weird red pill videos that tell you appearance is all that matters. I do not believe in that stuff but it puts fear into me that it's how men view women and dating. But I cannot generalise obviously. I'm just clearly consuming media that makes me feel worest about myself and society.
Anyways I'll spare the novel worth that I could write about all my feelings and thoughts. Thanks again for the response.
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