In love with her - she just wants to be my friend

Gonna be contrarian as a grey-ace lesbian.

Honestly… just communicate. Just ask her what she meant by the things she’s done. Ask her where her boundaries are between friendship and romance. It’s important that you respect her boundaries and position to remain friends, but if you feel like you’re getting hurt, set some boundaries yourself, too. Be calm when you ask her. No demanding anything. Just… respectful and kind. Like friends talk when they’re doing anything besides playing Mario Kart.

Stay friends with her if you can, because it’s clear you care for her, but be honest with yourself about what you want out of it. If you want to stay friends because she makes you happy and laugh and smile and she’s there for you when you’re feeling low and you’re there for her in the same way AS FRIENDS, that’s a good reason. If you want to stay friends in case she changes her mind, that’s not a good reason, because chances are she won’t. Some girls really do just want to be friends with guys (I’m assuming you’re a guy because you said “other lads”, but please correct me if I’m wrong)

(though I hear het/het-passing relationships sometimes have like. a testing stage???? where one party is like “I don’t love you! 😣” to see if the other party will chase after them????????? I have never understood this. I have never witnessed it. still, something to consider which again I’m fairly certain could be resolved by just having a conversation with her and asking.)

I don’t know how much this applies to dynamics in your area, but friendships can be affectionate, too. Not to the extent or intensity as physical relationships, but sometimes it’s nice to be hugged by a friend, or lean on them while watching a show, or mess up each other’s hair or platonic forehead kisses and suchlike. Again, boundaries boundaries boundaries boundaries, but something else to bear in mind.

FRIENDSHIPS 👏 AREN’T 👏 LESSER 👏 THAN 👏 ROMANTIC 👏 RELATIONSHIPS. 👏👏👏 I feel like that’s something people forget. We don’t end up having no friendships when we fall in love, and we don’t fall in love with everyone we’re friends with. Platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships have different purposes. Sometimes they overlap. None is lesser to the other. I feel like that’s something allo het people forget a lot.

I highly doubt she’s playing you. Alcohol’s a weird thing.

tldr: there’s no harm in asking, though I am a very straightforward person when it comes to things like this. Best case scenario, turns out she is into you, or you set some boundaries and you can have a fantastic friendship together. Worst case scenario, you find a better friend and/or partner.

I would love to sit and talk to her about it but im really **** at talking about my feelings n that i just feel like im being a bother and that i should be able to deal with it myself so i dont get to the important things i trail off and change the subject

I can absolutely be just friends with her its just every time i get to the point of seeing her as just my mate she says or does something that makes me think theres a chance. It could very well be coincidences but its happened a few times now so its seeming more like shes playing me about.

and about the cuddling yeah i understand a having a hug with your pal is nice but cuddling in bed half naked is very different than having your arm round them watching tv. I really do think she wants to keep me liking her but i dont understand why like what benefit she gets from that besides maybe a couple drinks here and there.