The Student Room Group

Asking a girl out with the help of a mate

Gonna keep this short, I like a girl, but I haven't seen her for a long time (cause different classes, timetables, friendship groups) so can't do anything about my feelings for her. But a good mate is friends with her and her group and speaks with her regularly. I don't like putting my feelings out there but I feel like as a last resort I should tell my mate I like her so he can try and organise a situation where I can speak to her. Just need to know if it's a good idea. To make clear, I don't want him to ask her out on my behalf or whatever but want to be put in a situation where I can chat to her like I used to in school! Thanks.
Of course it's a good idea. Definitely worth a shot
yep
Reply 3
He can try to set you up to talk with each other but don't use him as the middle man to ask her out for you, that doesn't bode well.
Reply 4
Is there any sign she likes you?

I get the feeling you will embarrass yourself. :redface:
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
Gonna keep this short, I like a girl, but I haven't seen her for a long time (cause different classes, timetables, friendship groups) so can't do anything about my feelings for her. But a good mate is friends with her and her group and speaks with her regularly. I don't like putting my feelings out there but I feel like as a last resort I should tell my mate I like her so he can try and organise a situation where I can speak to her. Just need to know if it's a good idea. To make clear, I don't want him to ask her out on my behalf or whatever but want to be put in a situation where I can chat to her like I used to in school! Thanks.


100% just go for it. Maybe ask your mate if he can try to mention you and see how she reacts/feels about you?
Reply 6
Original post by stefano865
Is there any sign she likes you?

I get the feeling you will embarrass yourself. :redface:


I haven't spoken to her for so long, so can't really say to be honest. We used to flirt a little bit back in school but my mind was so focused on "don't screw up around her, don't be clumsy, act cool bro" that I never looked to notice for any signs. She's confident anyway so was like this with a few guys.

Impossible for me. I need to do it for my own peace of mind, if she says yes I'm elated obviously, she says no and my mind is clear and I never have to see her again cause of uni coming up and that. It's just to clear my head and give me the confidence to move forward knowing I did ask a girl out, I have put my feelings on the line etc and that's great. An important life lesson for me no matter how it goes. And I'm not gonna make an elaborate deal of things if that's what you mean, just a casual catch up kinda thing then ask for her number.
Reply 7
Original post by Baz997
100% just go for it. Maybe ask your mate if he can try to mention you and see how she reacts/feels about you?


Yep good idea, was gonna mention her beforehand too just on the off chance he says anything I don't know about her.
Reply 8
always keep your friend in the middle
Reply 9
Original post by UWS
He can try to set you up to talk with each other but don't use him as the middle man to ask her out for you, that doesn't bode well.


True, no intention to. The reason I've been reluctant to reach out to her via Facebook or something is cause I know that I need to be confident and show the best me, can't do that through someone else or through text. Just don't want him accidentally blurting it out.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
Gonna keep this short, I like a girl, but I haven't seen her for a long time (cause different classes, timetables, friendship groups) so can't do anything about my feelings for her. But a good mate is friends with her and her group and speaks with her regularly. I don't like putting my feelings out there but I feel like as a last resort I should tell my mate I like her so he can try and organise a situation where I can speak to her. Just need to know if it's a good idea. To make clear, I don't want him to ask her out on my behalf or whatever but want to be put in a situation where I can chat to her like I used to in school! Thanks.


An alternate option would be to add her on Facebook (unless you already have her as a friend there obviously) and try and strike up a conversation there. It makes it more personal than a friend trying to stage a conversation for you, plus at least you know for sure what is being said - because you're the one saying it. Just strike things up by asking how she is "Hey, long time no see! how are you?" You could even show you remember what she is interested in by mentioning it - be that a book, film, band etc.
If you don't have her on social media - it seems like you have mutual friends so it wouldn't be strange to add her because it is likely she would've popped up in the 'people you may know' section, plus she already knows you so I doubt she's going to reject your social media request at least. At least then it also removes the idea of the friend trying to schedule a chance where you can meet and then it not going to plan - it might feel a bit less awkward for you.
Original post by EmmaCx
An alternate option would be to add her on Facebook (unless you already have her as a friend there obviously) and try and strike up a conversation there. It makes it more personal than a friend trying to stage a conversation for you, plus at least you know for sure what is being said - because you're the one saying it. Just strike things up by asking how she is "Hey, long time no see! how are you?" You could even show you remember what she is interested in by mentioning it - be that a book, film, band etc.
If you don't have her on social media - it seems like you have mutual friends so it wouldn't be strange to add her because it is likely she would've popped up in the 'people you may know' section, plus she already knows you so I doubt she's going to reject your social media request at least. At least then it also removes the idea of the friend trying to schedule a chance where you can meet and then it not going to plan - it might feel a bit less awkward for you.


Good point, just don't want it to seem too awkward on Facebook. It turns me away in that if it's really awkward it can be screenshotted etc. If you have an awkward conversation (which won't happen) it's fine. Striking up a conversation is so much more natural in public if you bump into each other but Facebook makes it seem like I've been thinking about her which could actually be a good thing and agh why can't I make this easy for myself. I've been focusing on not messing up when I do re-initiate contact that I haven't given myself a chance to even try
Original post by Foo.mp3
If he's trustworthy, and halfway smooth, then sure, why not. Once you're committed to this course of action, make no apologies


Agree, just want it to go well so wouldn't want him to mess up.
Reply 13
It's typically just a bit of an embarrassment go get others involved in dating quests, particularly if it doesn't work out. Far better just to have the courage to go for it on your own somehow. If she's interested it will work out and if she's not best to find out where you stand and move on.
Reply 14
Go for it. At your level of maturity, you need a couple of rejections under your belt to propel you forward and make you stronger for the future.
lol
Original post by Zarek
It's typically just a bit of an embarrassment go get others involved in dating quests, particularly if it doesn't work out. Far better just to have the courage to go for it on your own somehow. If she's interested it will work out and if she's not best to find out where you stand and move on.


Would agree but I'm not that bothered. I don't expect her to go out with me but I have to do it to clear my head. If she says no there's relief and confidence that I told a girl I liked her and no nerves next time, if she says yes I'm elated.

I would love to do it on my own but I can simply not get into the situation to do so.

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