schizophrenia and pregnancy - am I being idiotic?
I've been married for 6 years and recently we spoke about having a baby. I'm 30 and it's always been my dream to have a kid but I've been putting it off because of my mental health.
I'm ok at the moment and I was thinking of starting trying if I stay stable this year. However, would this be completely idiotic? I know my partner and I have the relationship stability and funds and home situation perfect for having a kid. The only problem is my mental health - but I'm getting older and don't want to risk the increased problems that babies born to older women can have.
I know most people here are too young to give advice over pregnancy but does anyone here have a parent with serious mental illness and could maybe give me their experience growing up in a family with that? How was it for you?
Thanks!
I'm ok at the moment and I was thinking of starting trying if I stay stable this year. However, would this be completely idiotic? I know my partner and I have the relationship stability and funds and home situation perfect for having a kid. The only problem is my mental health - but I'm getting older and don't want to risk the increased problems that babies born to older women can have.
I know most people here are too young to give advice over pregnancy but does anyone here have a parent with serious mental illness and could maybe give me their experience growing up in a family with that? How was it for you?
Thanks!
If you feel ready then go for it and be sure to get advice from your doctor and who else is looking after you
You're always going to have this mental health problem sadly so its not like there will be a 'best time' to have children for you. best thing you can do is prepare for the worst, although if you feel stable and healthy and are keeping on top of your medication and your family and friends and medical advisers know about you planning a child theres no reason why you should have a relapse
You're always going to have this mental health problem sadly so its not like there will be a 'best time' to have children for you. best thing you can do is prepare for the worst, although if you feel stable and healthy and are keeping on top of your medication and your family and friends and medical advisers know about you planning a child theres no reason why you should have a relapse
It was hell, my mum didn’t raise me because of it and I was raised by my grandparents. HOWEVER, my mum proved time and time again I wasn’t a priority and that she was selfish. So, go for it. If you’re willing to put your child(ren) first, then you can be as good a mother as any. There’s no reason you and your children can’t have an amazing relationship because of your mental health
Edit: please don’t not have children because of the fear of guilt. Nobody should ever make you feel like you don’t deserve and shouldn’t have children.
Edit: please don’t not have children because of the fear of guilt. Nobody should ever make you feel like you don’t deserve and shouldn’t have children.
(edited 6 years ago)
You probably already know this, but schizophrenia can be hereditary. So if you do have a baby, do you think you’re okay with seeing your child go through what you did? Are you prepared to look after a kid with severe mental health issues?
Of course this doesn’t happen in ever case. My mental health issues are hereditary, many members of my family have severe issues. If I had a kid, I sure as hell wouldn’t want it to go through what I did. I know I could never provide the care my parents have for me. I couldn’t live through my child’s suicide attempts and depression knowing that I caused it. I couldn’t even take that chance, to have a baby who cries it’s self to sleep every night about how much it just wants to die.
This isn’t just a question of your ability to be a mum, but also the life of your child. I really hope this doesn’t come off as mean and I’m not trying to tell you what to do. If you can handle it, and you want it, you do it. If I ever have kids I want to adopt so they miss my genes, and I want to have a stable partner that will be able to take care of them when I go off the wagon again. You can still be an amazing mum, mental health issues are an obstacle not a brick wall.
Of course this doesn’t happen in ever case. My mental health issues are hereditary, many members of my family have severe issues. If I had a kid, I sure as hell wouldn’t want it to go through what I did. I know I could never provide the care my parents have for me. I couldn’t live through my child’s suicide attempts and depression knowing that I caused it. I couldn’t even take that chance, to have a baby who cries it’s self to sleep every night about how much it just wants to die.
This isn’t just a question of your ability to be a mum, but also the life of your child. I really hope this doesn’t come off as mean and I’m not trying to tell you what to do. If you can handle it, and you want it, you do it. If I ever have kids I want to adopt so they miss my genes, and I want to have a stable partner that will be able to take care of them when I go off the wagon again. You can still be an amazing mum, mental health issues are an obstacle not a brick wall.
No one can make the decision for you. As someone else said mental health can be hereditary so you need to be OK if your child develops symptoms too. I have worked with many kids who have mentally ill parents and it's very hard for them. However a lot depends on the parents - having one stable parent makes a big difference ecause then the kids don't end up in care if their parents have an episode. It also makes a big difference if you prioritise your kids despite being sick or whether your mental health prevents you from showing love/affection etc. You should also bear in mind the risk during pregnancy when you may not want to take medications (depends what you're on).
Original post by Anonymous
I've been married for 6 years and recently we spoke about having a baby. I'm 30 and it's always been my dream to have a kid but I've been putting it off because of my mental health.
I'm ok at the moment and I was thinking of starting trying if I stay stable this year. However, would this be completely idiotic? I know my partner and I have the relationship stability and funds and home situation perfect for having a kid. The only problem is my mental health - but I'm getting older and don't want to risk the increased problems that babies born to older women can have.
I know most people here are too young to give advice over pregnancy but does anyone here have a parent with serious mental illness and could maybe give me their experience growing up in a family with that? How was it for you?
Thanks!
I'm ok at the moment and I was thinking of starting trying if I stay stable this year. However, would this be completely idiotic? I know my partner and I have the relationship stability and funds and home situation perfect for having a kid. The only problem is my mental health - but I'm getting older and don't want to risk the increased problems that babies born to older women can have.
I know most people here are too young to give advice over pregnancy but does anyone here have a parent with serious mental illness and could maybe give me their experience growing up in a family with that? How was it for you?
Thanks!
It’s seems that you have received some input. The only thing I can think of to add is that there may be more to think about than just that you’re in a stable relationship, are mentally well, have a home and financially secure.
Some questions (no need to answer, its to think about so you are prepared) which may or may not apply to you. Has your history of schizophrenia ever included violence and/or any harm to others? I know not all schizophrenia is associated with this so please don’t think I’m stereotyping.
Exactly how bad have you been during your illest? How much input have you had from mental health services, how intensive? Have you ever been sectioned? Exactly how long have you been stable for, and what is the longest time you have been stable before becoming unwell again?
The reason I ask these, which I’m not expecting you to answer as it is way too personal, is because there is a chance that social services may become involved when you become pregnant. It can take many people by surprise because they may not realise that they are on their “radar” and then they suddenly get a letter and/or phone call during their pregnancy and are unprepared. The stress of this alone can make someone feel unwell again.
Depending on your own answers to my above questions, which you will know yourself, then you may want to do your research, get prepared and maybe even consider legal advice depending on how things go.
I wish you lots of luck
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