Feeling used without reason
I'm not sure how to bring this thread about but I'd appreciate some advice or input from you guys.
I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, and recently had my first kiss with a guy I'm no longer dating. Being older than me and knowing I'd never experienced any form of intimacy with anyone, he never tried to initiate anything physical with me. At most, it was a peck on the lips and cuddling whenever I'd hang out at his. He seemed happy with my intentions and it made me at ease.
We stopped dating after a very short while, and almost 2 months on I can't get over the guilt I'm feeling. I feel ashamed, and dirty - even though I know I have absolutely no reason to. I don't even know why. I'm not a strongly opinionated person and in my opinion, a girl/guy has a right to do what they please in terms of their sexuality, I'd never look down on someone for the choices they make. But when it comes to my own experience, as small as it may have been, I feel worthless and empty. Almost devalued without reason why.
I'm too embarrassed to talk to people close to me about this out of fear that they'll think I'm crazy for feeling the way I do.
Recently the guy I'd been dating, after 2 months of no contact, texts me casually to initiate some sort of hook up. I obviously didn't agree, but it still hurt nonetheless for him to think I would, especially considering we aren't in any from of relationship and he hadn't spoken to me since we cut contact. He never made those assumptions towards me when we were spending time together, so why now? Jokingly he made a comment about the risks of pregnancy and told me I'd make a great single mother, which made me feel totally degraded and disrespected.
I'm not a sensitive person but whenever I think about how little he must value me it hurts to the point where I struggle to not cry.
I tried to end the conversation on a good note out of he politeness of my nature, to which he completely ignored me. Was he just trying his luck and trying to use me for sex? I feel awful, even though it never happened.
I just wish I'd have been more stern about how his attitude towards me hurt and how belittled I felt, but I didn't do that in fear of looking like I was over reacting. I feel used to big up his ego of wanting contact with me when it suits him and u see the supposed circumstances he wants them.
Thanks guys.
I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, and recently had my first kiss with a guy I'm no longer dating. Being older than me and knowing I'd never experienced any form of intimacy with anyone, he never tried to initiate anything physical with me. At most, it was a peck on the lips and cuddling whenever I'd hang out at his. He seemed happy with my intentions and it made me at ease.
We stopped dating after a very short while, and almost 2 months on I can't get over the guilt I'm feeling. I feel ashamed, and dirty - even though I know I have absolutely no reason to. I don't even know why. I'm not a strongly opinionated person and in my opinion, a girl/guy has a right to do what they please in terms of their sexuality, I'd never look down on someone for the choices they make. But when it comes to my own experience, as small as it may have been, I feel worthless and empty. Almost devalued without reason why.
I'm too embarrassed to talk to people close to me about this out of fear that they'll think I'm crazy for feeling the way I do.
Recently the guy I'd been dating, after 2 months of no contact, texts me casually to initiate some sort of hook up. I obviously didn't agree, but it still hurt nonetheless for him to think I would, especially considering we aren't in any from of relationship and he hadn't spoken to me since we cut contact. He never made those assumptions towards me when we were spending time together, so why now? Jokingly he made a comment about the risks of pregnancy and told me I'd make a great single mother, which made me feel totally degraded and disrespected.
I'm not a sensitive person but whenever I think about how little he must value me it hurts to the point where I struggle to not cry.
I tried to end the conversation on a good note out of he politeness of my nature, to which he completely ignored me. Was he just trying his luck and trying to use me for sex? I feel awful, even though it never happened.
I just wish I'd have been more stern about how his attitude towards me hurt and how belittled I felt, but I didn't do that in fear of looking like I was over reacting. I feel used to big up his ego of wanting contact with me when it suits him and u see the supposed circumstances he wants them.
Thanks guys.
More so that fact that he assumed I'd be willing to have sex with him. When I never gave in to his offer, he ignored me. I feel belittled and likes he's made me only feel good enough for sleeping with. I'm just regret getting close to him. I have this weird complex, that I somehow just feel easy?
Original post by Anonymous
More so that fact that he assumed I'd be willing to have sex with him. When I never gave in to his offer, he ignored me. I feel belittled and likes he's made me only feel good enough for sleeping with. I'm just regret getting close to him. I have this weird complex, that I somehow just feel easy?
This is a reflection of him, not you. Men will always want to have sex - that is biology and has nothing to do with how you personally come across. Many men are in relationship largely for the sex. It's a fact of life that just has to be accepted.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
More so that fact that he assumed I'd be willing to have sex with him. When I never gave in to his offer, he ignored me. I feel belittled and likes he's made me only feel good enough for sleeping with. I'm just regret getting close to him. I have this weird complex, that I somehow just feel easy?
Original post by black tea
This is a reflection of him, not you. Men will always want to have sex - that is biology and has nothing to do with how you personally come across. Many men are in relationship largely for the sex. It's a fact of life that just has to be accepted.
Basically what @black tea said. OP. Don’t feel down tho. There’s plenty of guys who aren’t all about sex and will generally treat you right. It may feel impossible now but you can still find your dream guy.
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