My Family Are Controlling 2

*WARNING THIS IS A VERY LONG READ! ONLY READ IF YOU HAVE TIME AND IF YOU WANT TO HELP*

Ok this has been annoying me for quite a while now. Im 21 years of age and im a boy. Im still living at my parents house, rent free. I help in chores such as drying dishes, iron clothes etc. But other than that everything else is done for me.*

However, there is one problem!! My family are very controlling as they still treat me as a child.

I live with my parents and younger siblings. My parents are obviously the controlling ones. They are stubborn and often very petty and negative minded. They can only see things from their point of view and would like things to go their way. Its either it goes their way or no way.*

Other members of my family are also very controlling. This includes my grandparents and my aunt and uncle. They all have the same mindset as my parents.*

Now I know a lot of you would tell me to move out as i could do what i want as im old enough. But this unfortunately wouldnt work for me, as if i was to tell them im moving out it would cause a huge problem between me and my family. Also trying to talk to my family maturely about the way they are, would cause problems as they would be stubborn and would not accept my opinion. And this would lead to a major argument.*

I do have a part time job but unfortunately not enough money to rent a place as far im concerned. Plus renting a place is not a option as it would lead to major conflict between me and my family.

I will outline a few events in which my family have been petty or controlling. Remember im 21 years old and get treated like a 10 year old.

1. I have to let my family know where i am going. Even if im going to work, i have to tell them the times im working and what time i'll be leaving and what time i'll be back

2. I am not allowed to have chocolate cereals for breakfast on weekdays.

3. I am on the hunt for a graduate job. I want to relocate and live out as it allows me to grow up and be independent. However some members of my family want me to work in Leeds as its closer to home but this is where the opportunities are less for my profession (Art & Design). I want to venture out and mature up. But unfortunately their little minds wont allow it. Majority of the good grad jobs are down south.

Talking to my family members about their mindset will only make matters 100 times worse regardless about my approach. Doing things without their permission will also make matters worse. My only option is trying to change their mindset by showing them im old enough and mature. But the thing is how do i do this?

So the ultimate question is:

"How do I change my family's mentality and views of me without them realising i'm trying to change them?"

Remember i just want to be mature and need them to treat me like im 21.

I thank all of you guys who have taken time to read this and advise me. I strongly request that you guys follow this thread as I want it to be a open discussion on how i can change the approach and mentality of my family without them realising im trying to adapt their mentality.

Reply 1

londonmyst

You can't change their mindset or family traditions, only try to escape from having them ruin your life and reputation. :smile:

It is your future and your choice.
Either stay and have them continue with the same habits, opinions and imposition that they have done for decades.
Or widen your skillset, employment history and contacts.
As you quietly save up enough money to leave, knowing that in order to break the cycle forever you will never be able to come back nor have any contact/respond to their demands for interaction, photos or information about your life.

I grew up in a very controlling & toxic household surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed themselves and their bizarre lifestyles upon me.
I worked as many jobs as I could to build up enough savings to fund uni accomodation so that I could move out for uni and got very sneaky.
Unfortunately things did not work out as I had planned.
But I did escape before a levels were over nearly 9 years ago and am unlikely to ever speak to any of my 3 surving ancestors or their vile pals again.
My only regrets are that my lifesavings and I couldn't leave together & I couldn't get away earlier.
Good luck!