I wish I still wanted to be with my bf

I've recently graduated and moved home with my boyfriend to my home town, he's made this big commitment to me by moving but he just doesn't fit here. My family are farmers and very traditional, he can't drink milk because he's lactose intolerant and he has allergies. I never even saw these things as negative before but now I feel as if I'm comparing him to my family all the time and seeing him through their eyes all the time. It's given me the ick but I still really want to love him and be with him, we've been together for 4 years and he's been my only confident for some pretty bad times in my life. I used to think he was perfect and now I only notice his flaws. What do I do?

Lactose intolerance and allergies aren't things he can help and it's a bit of a stretch to call these flaws. You've not given any criticisms of him as a person or examples of why he doesn't "fit" that pertain to things he can control. What is actually so bad about him?

Reply 2

Aucu

OP

8

Original post by 1582

Lactose intolerance and allergies aren't things he can help and it's a bit of a stretch to call these flaws. You've not given any criticisms of him as a person or examples of why he doesn't "fit" that pertain to things he can control. What is actually so bad about him?

That's what I'm trying to say, I know they aren't flaws and that they're something he can't help but my family don't see it like that and therefore like him less. But I'm very very close with my family and sort of feel like I have to choose them

Reply 3

billawarra

11

Original post by Aucu

That's what I'm trying to say, I know they aren't flaws and that they're something he can't help but my family don't see it like that and therefore like him less. But I'm very very close with my family and sort of feel like I have to choose them

has your family told you they dont like him because of his lactose intolerance lol

Reply 4

BurstingBubbles

Life & Style Forum Helper

20

Original post by Aucu

I've recently graduated and moved home with my boyfriend to my home town, he's made this big commitment to me by moving but he just doesn't fit here. My family are farmers and very traditional, he can't drink milk because he's lactose intolerant and he has allergies. I never even saw these things as negative before but now I feel as if I'm comparing him to my family all the time and seeing him through their eyes all the time. It's given me the ick but I still really want to love him and be with him, we've been together for 4 years and he's been my only confident for some pretty bad times in my life. I used to think he was perfect and now I only notice his flaws. What do I do?

As other people have said, he can't help this. If he had a nut allergy or another medical condition like asthma where he needed medication and it impacted on joining in some activities, would you feel the same (even though it's not his fault)? If you can't love him for who he is with medical things out of his control then that's a conversation you need to have with him and potentially break things off. It's not fair on him for you to have the ick and not want to be with him, but continue to do so. He could find someone that will love and want to be with him regardless of his intolerance/allergies and you could find someone that you actually want to be with. I know family are important in these things but they shouldn't influence over who you love. I hope it works out okay either way :smile:

Reply 5

Sorcerer's Storm

20

I mean tbh I think it's actually your family which is the problem here for disliking him due to allergies and an intolerance, neither of which he can control. And those are such minor things anyway and certainly shouldn't be giving you the ick if you actually like his personality...

I wish I still wanted to be with my bf

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