Muslim boy low on iman.

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Similar story here.

I suppose you need to start read and understand the Quran. Look up on how to get khusso (dunno if I spelt that right) in your prayer (concentration). You need to start building healthy habits such as managing stress, involving in activities which you love and maintain a social life etc.

Breakups suck and the pain of regret at loneliness hits hard as well. I don't think your 'desires' are in any way 'sinful' but are natural and you are just longing for affection. Well, I just hug a flipping pillow lol.

Jokes aside, I'd recommend that you focus on yourself before you go out and find a woman of your dreams.

I have an intense longing for affection and desire to talk to a girl who would understand me, but I guess I have to wait.

If you are non Muslim then please kindly refrain from answering.
If you are racist then don't even bother.
If you are Muslim but want to criticize me or state what I'm doing is 'haram' then don't answer...

Now let me begin.

I'm a Pakistani male in the UK. I have very low iman. I can't seem to find Allah anywhere and my connection with him is bad. I just don't care about Islam much although I believe everything about it. There is a backstory behind this...

I used to be very religious. Almost orthodox I'd say. I went for umrah in April 2018. I prayed to Allah that I would find a girl whom I could love. You see I'm a diehard romantic by nature. Since childhood. If you want just think I'm a Majnuun basically. I just wanted love and a woman I could love with all my heart, take care of and I'd get some affection. I believe that having a girlfriend is fine as long as intention is marriage in a few years once you earn.
Anyways after that I went to Pakistan to visit after three years. There I met a girl. I won't tell my love story with her. I'll just say I met her, fancied her a lot but I had to go to UK so I kept a long distance relationship. I loved her with all my heart so much. I just wanted my princess to be happy. I was very thankful to Allah. It was like my prayer was immediately answered. I was so happy.
When eid came for 4 days she didn't reply. Eventually she did reply but she wanted a break up with me. I let her go as she wished as I loved her so much I just wanted to see her happy (yes I know 2 months wasn't long but my intentions were just pure then.)

At the time I just figured that Allah will probably find someone better for me. I got over the girl quickly.

After couple of months the feeling of lonliness started to kick in. At this point I had okay iman. I prayed to Allah very passionately. In almost every prayer daily. That I get the love of my life who is a blessing to me and is my type. And whom I could eventually do nikkah with in few years.
I prayed every single damn day for this. I had full faith. I was hoping that after September when my new class started I'd find a girl.
September came and no one came. I figured oh well no problems.
I prayed more and more. Months passed by and no one came.

Around December my iman started getting low. I had mild depression back then. I was a crazy majnuun with only one wish. I missed the warm feelings of a relationship. A woman who'd always support you, love you, care for you, give you affection. I missed calling a girl sweet pet names, gazing in her eyes (though it was a long distance relationship) and etc. I started to loathe religious advice. I was reluctant to read Qur'an.
However I still prayed. Never left my 5 prayers. Never left dua.

Now present day. I'm out of that depression. But my iman is extremely low. Where is Allah? I can't find him. What is Allah's 'plan' for me? What is my naseeb? If there are two words I dislike they are 'InshaAllah' and 'sabar'. My heart sometimes cries. Literally. I believe in Allah, prophets, books and unseen. But I literally don't want to read Qur'an at all. Nor do I like religious advice much. I'm not spitting venom at Allah but I've lost him. There is a saying that if you go one step to Allah then Allah comes 100 steps closer. But where is he?! Even when I tried coming closer I never found him. Apart from praying and fasting I don't do anything. Infact I find more peace and comfort in my heritage, culture and roots than religion.
And I still pray 5 times a day and pray for my wish. However I lost passion in my duas. I don't care anymore. Whether my Laila will come or not I don't know. I've just accepted reality. Nothing seems to be happening anytime soon. Sometimes I wish to cry my eyes out to Allah but I don't have tears in me. My heart weeps instead.
Adding on to that I developed bad habits. To cope with all of this I sometimes flirt with different women online and in real life. I found myself watching porn a few times. Though I try and stop watching porn after 2 weeks I'd probably start again.
When I read Qur'an I get bored. I find no peace or vibe when reading. I don't have too much remorse in sins.
When I find a social media post about 'sabar', 'Allah' and etc I get so fed up I close it down.
The worst thing is temptations to do shirk. Alhamdulillah I have never done that and I battled them. Sometimes I wanted to drink or something but I haven't yet and I hope I don't.

Humans are impatient especially me.
Man is created weak.
But I want to know a few things.
Why did Allah give me my ex and then she left my life (not that I want her back but I just want to know).
Where and when will I get my true love.
What is Allah's plan for me.
Why is Allah doing this.
Where is Allah? Why can't I find him? Why is he so far from me (yes he is closer to you than jugular vein but it sure doesn't feel like it.)?
Why can't I find peace in Qur'an?

Oh yeah I do pray. But only because I don't want my ass to rot in the hellfire. I get no joy from praying or reading Qur'an. It becomes monotones and it's just rituals and I've been making dua in sajda for so long I don't even know what I'm saying now.

For those who will bash me saying bf gf is haram I just want to say that how will you marry a girl whom you never seen living on other side of mountain? How will you find a wife without looking? Don't we as humans desire love and companionship in life? Isn't it a man's need? By sitting in the mosque all day a hoor won't come dropping from the heavens infront of you.
You can call me a 'filmy' guy. But I just have a soft heart deep down. Since I was a little kid I always desired love and had always been having a cheesy personality. I write Urdu poetry sometimes to cope with my emotions. Also I can't do nikkah at this stage but InshaAllah maybe in a few years then why not. I personally don't see bf gf relationship wrong if your intention isn't bad. I don't want sex. I want love and affection. Companionship. A best friend I can tell all my secrets too. Someone who's arms I can lie in when I'm upset. I want to spoil her and treat her like a princess. I want someone to hear my sweet talks and fill my heart. I want someone that will never leave my hand. I want someone to pick up in my arms while she laughs and smiles. Are these all sinly desires? I don't think so.

Thank you if anyone can help me or share some words.
May Allah bless you and help us all.

Allah is testing u...
He us testing whether or not u will keep ur faith in him
Keep all faith in him, do everything u can, pray, read the Quran, make lots of dua during ramadan, go to masjid...
Focus on urself, isolate urself from friends and family if u have to, focus on ur I'm an this ramadan


I will give u advice from what I know on these relationships...(I'm not judging u, I'm just giving advice)
In the quran it says that ur meant to lower ur gaze from the opposite sex...basically since ur not married to them and to prevent sinful feelings
Im assuming u think its OK to (basically) 'date' as long as ur intention is marriage...ur not alone, a lot of men think this...but then are u looking for love islamically? Are the women ur looking for good with their Iman? Do they have mahrams with them if/when u meet? Do u do things the islam way?

(I'm not rly educated on this next part but) when my mum was on marriage sites and going to marriage events she always had a mahram and nvr went alone...she did those prayers when she met someone where Allah wud show u a sign thru a dream to see if the men were good for her and her iman...she eventually met someone this way and they've been married for a few yrs now

What I'm suggesting is researching islamic ways to find a partner...maybe this way u will have more luck as ur putting ur trust in Allah and solely in Allah to find a suitable wife u will benefit from and who ull be married to for a long time

Here's some links u may find useful on these matters:
U will find this one very useful

https://www.alislam.org/library/book/pathway-to-paradise/islamic-marriage-system/

-On this link it says:

•PREMARITAL CONDUCT

It should be perfectly clear by now that Islam does not permit sexual relations, even preliminary acts of physical love, outside of marriage. To remain sexually inactive and chaste before marriage is an extremely important injunction in the Holy Qur’an. Adultery, fornication and having secret relationships with the opposite sex is a heinous moral lapse which is categorically condemned in the strongest terms by Islam. This prohibition includes dating, secret paramours and experimental living together. As these are regarded as heavy sins, they carry severe penalties. (See Holy Qur’an, 24:3-4).

As you have already read in Chapter 2, the Holy Qur’an has provided the means for maintaining chastity. It directs believing men and women to restrain themselves from looking at each so openly as to be sexually excited by them. It further directs them to restrain their ears from listening to flirtatious and tempting talk and to avoid occasions which might lead to temptation. Fasting, dieting and exercise also help to control passions and maintain chastity.


It also says: “Some people marry for beauty, others for rank, and others for wealth; but you should marry a good and pious woman.”

Perhaps if u follow the Islamic teachings rather than ur own opinion, Allah will grant u a good wife who will love u

(None of what I said was stated in a rude way and I hope I haven't offended u...I'm simply trying to guide u and do what's best for u)

May Allah guide us all ❤