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She's my best friend, and I want to help her

So...me and my best friend have known each other for soooo long. And we are literally joint at the hip- she's Hindi, and I'm Muslim. If you're also Muslim, you'll understand 'shirk' (worshipping someone else, etc). And it hurts my heart knowing she's committing this.
Some context: She has alot of extended family, and friends and they have many cultural get-togethers, but I can tell she isn't emotionnaly connected to the religion, and doesn't understand the basics. She commits other sins too, but is miles more decent and respectable than muslim girls our age.
We're in a big friend group of other girls-who are all muslims too, so she knows quite a relative amount of Islam, and I never hesitate to explain misconceptions to her. She's shown regular interest, and it gives me hope.
I'm extremley tactful, but I'd still want some advice. It kills me to know what'll happen if she continues shirk. But I'm stuck. I love her, but I also love Islam.
Can anyone help?
(Muslim girls ONLY pls <3)
You should respect her religion as she respects yours. At the end of the day it's her choice what she believes in
Reply 2
Original post by thrivingfrog
You should respect her religion as she respects yours. At the end of the day it's her choice what she believes in

I don't think you understand- it's not about respect here, I've been completley respectful. And I have'nt forced her into anything, she's her own person, and has shown regular interest and now- as my duty as a Muslimah, I must help.
And like I said, I only wanted some Muslim's advice, I (respectfully) doubt anyone else would understand, so I appreciate it- but you've got it all wrong.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think you understand- it's not about respect here, I've been completley respectful. And I have'nt forced her into anything, she's her own person, and has shown regular interest and now- as my duty as a Muslimah, I must help.
And like I said, I only wanted some Muslim's advice, I (respectfully) doubt anyone else would understand, so I appreciate it- but you've got it all wrong.


I'm not saying you're being disrespectful and I don't intend to be either, what I'm saying is that you may want to help her and that's a really good thing, but if she's comfortable within her current religion then that's her choice. Obviously, you can give her your view on the situation and share your beliefs with her but it is her choice. (And I'm not a Muslim no, but I am religious)
Reply 4
Original post by thrivingfrog
I'm not saying you're being disrespectful and I don't intend to be either, what I'm saying is that you may want to help her and that's a really good thing, but if she's comfortable within her current religion then that's her choice. Obviously, you can give her your view on the situation and share your beliefs with her but it is her choice. (And I'm not a Muslim no, but I am religious)

I think you've misunderstood here- she's not religious at all, and neither is her family- so if there's no emotional connection, I don't see it as her 'choice' as such- more sort as a cultural practice- which she's admitted too. I am fully aware to remain within my limits, and we've sort of wavered the subject before, and she showed some interest. Of course, I would never overstep, and in any way disrespect her. 🙂
Original post by Anonymous #1
So...me and my best friend have known each other for soooo long. And we are literally joint at the hip- she's Hindi, and I'm Muslim. If you're also Muslim, you'll understand 'shirk' (worshipping someone else, etc). And it hurts my heart knowing she's committing this.
Some context: She has alot of extended family, and friends and they have many cultural get-togethers, but I can tell she isn't emotionnaly connected to the religion, and doesn't understand the basics. She commits other sins too, but is miles more decent and respectable than muslim girls our age.
We're in a big friend group of other girls-who are all muslims too, so she knows quite a relative amount of Islam, and I never hesitate to explain misconceptions to her. She's shown regular interest, and it gives me hope.
I'm extremley tactful, but I'd still want some advice. It kills me to know what'll happen if she continues shirk. But I'm stuck. I love her, but I also love Islam.
Can anyone help?
(Muslim girls ONLY pls <3)

Ok I am a Muslim but let me say this to you-let her practice her religion and you practice yours. If I'm not wrong (and I have only heard this from other muslims when talking about the Quran) but in the Quran it says 'to you is your religion and to me is mine' or something along those lines really. Let her do her thing and you do yours! I wouldn't worry about something like this at all to be honest with you. Hardly any of my really good friends are Muslim but we all get along really well and are good friends.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous #2
Ok I am a Muslim but let me say this to you-let her practice her religion and you practice yours. If I'm not wrong (and I have only heard this from other muslims when talking about the Quran) but in the Quran it says 'to you is your religion and to me is mine' or something along those lines really. Let her do her thing and you do yours! I wouldn't worry about something like this at all to be honest with you. Hardly any of my really good friends are Muslim but we all get along really well and are good friends.

Yes, it does say that, but I love her like a sister, and (i'm pretty sure this is correct), you'll be punished for shirk, so I'm just really worried for her? I'm just worried after reading this part of the quran: “Invite to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and reason with them in the better way. Indeed, your Lord knows best who has strayed from His Path and He is Best Aware of those who are rightly guided
I know alot of converts, and see many videos of friends guiding each other, which is another thing.
I don't know whether to advice her, or talk to her, or as you've said- drop it and stop worrying. 😅
Thanks so much tho- appreciate it
Original post by Anonymous #1
Yes, it does say that, but I love her like a sister, and (i'm pretty sure this is correct), you'll be punished for shirk, so I'm just really worried for her? I'm just worried after reading this part of the quran: “Invite to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and reason with them in the better way. Indeed, your Lord knows best who has strayed from His Path and He is Best Aware of those who are rightly guided
I know alot of converts, and see many videos of friends guiding each other, which is another thing.
I don't know whether to advice her, or talk to her, or as you've said- drop it and stop worrying. 😅
Thanks so much tho- appreciate it

No worries, I can see where you're coming from, but personally I wouldn't worry over this but that's just me. I think if someone wants to revert to Islam then it should be something they want to do and are completely ok with. And during that process they might reach out to a friend for some guidance maybe. If your friend is in that situation and you want to help her then yeah what you said makes sense but if she's happy with the way things are already going I wouldn't even discuss this. It's a sensitive and personal matter and should be up to the person themselves to decide what they want to do. So yeah that's my take on this but let's see what other people have to say on this.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous #1
So...me and my best friend have known each other for soooo long. And we are literally joint at the hip- she's Hindi, and I'm Muslim. If you're also Muslim, you'll understand 'shirk' (worshipping someone else, etc). And it hurts my heart knowing she's committing this.
Some context: She has alot of extended family, and friends and they have many cultural get-togethers, but I can tell she isn't emotionnaly connected to the religion, and doesn't understand the basics. She commits other sins too, but is miles more decent and respectable than muslim girls our age.
We're in a big friend group of other girls-who are all muslims too, so she knows quite a relative amount of Islam, and I never hesitate to explain misconceptions to her. She's shown regular interest, and it gives me hope.
I'm extremley tactful, but I'd still want some advice. It kills me to know what'll happen if she continues shirk. But I'm stuck. I love her, but I also love Islam.
Can anyone help?
(Muslim girls ONLY pls <3)

I am a Muslim, however I am not a girl but I see it necessary to give you advice regardless. You should NOT be friends with a mushrik due to numerous evidences in the Qur'ān and Sunnah warning from taking people who do not fear Allāh as friends. You must realise that Shirk is worse than any sin by far and it is the most destructive and dangerous of them all.

Even if your Muslim friends are falling short, they are miles better than a Mushrik because at least they have fulfilled the most important right upon them, which is to worship Allāh alone. Allāh said (meaning): {The Messiah has said, “O Children of Israel, worship Allah, my Lord and your Lord.” Indeed, he who associates others with Allah Allah has forbidden him Paradise, and his refuge is the Fire. And there are not for the wrongdoers any helpers.} [al-Mā’idah: 72]

As for some evidences warning against friendship with such people:
Abu Hurayrah reported: The Prophet said (meaning): A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends. [Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2378 - Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Nawawi]

Abu Musa reported: The Prophet said (meaning): Verily, the parable of good and bad company is that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. The seller of musk will give you perfume, you will buy some, or you will notice a pleasant smell. As for the blacksmith, he will burn your clothes, or you will notice a bad smell.” [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5534, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2628]

Allāh said (meaning): {Close friends on that Day will be enemies one to another except those who have taqwā} [az-Zukhruf 43:67] Talq ibn Habīb (a student of the Sahābah) defined taqwā as: "It is to act in obedience to Allah, upon a light from Allah (i.e. Eemān) and hoping for Allāh’s Mercy. And that you abandon disobedience to Allāh upon a light from Allāh and fearing the punishment of Allāh." [Reported by Ibn Abī Shaybah (11/33) and Ibnul Mubārak in Az-Zuhd 473]

Allāh said (meaning): {And (remember) the Day when the Zâlim (wrong-doer, oppressor, polytheist) will bite at his hands, he will say: "Oh would that I had taken a path with the Messenger! Oh woe to me! If only I had never taken so-and-so as a close friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder after it had come to me. And Shaitân is to man ever a deserter”} [al-Furqān 25:27-29]

Allāh said (meaning): {O you who believe! Take not My enemies and your enemies (i.e. disbelievers and polytheists) as friends, showing affection towards them, while they have disbelieved in what has come to you of the truth, and have driven out the Messenger and yourselves (from your homeland) because you believe in Allâh your Lord! If you have come forth to strive in My Cause and to seek My Good Pleasure, (then take not these disbelievers and polytheists as your friends). You show friendship to them in secret, while I am All-Aware of what you conceal and what you reveal. And whosoever of you (Muslims) does that, then indeed he has gone (far) astray from the Straight Path} [al-Mumtahanah 60:1]

Also read Sūrah al-Mumtahanah 60:4

These evidences point to the fact that we should only take Muslims who fear Allāh as friends, and warns of taking other than them as friends. This includes the kuffār/mushrikīn as well as "non-practicing Muslims" or those that clearly and openly disobey Allāh by being extremely negligent with sins. These are the ones who will lead you astray after the Reminder came to you. Their actions will rub off on you and affect you so that you become like them and follow their way.

I also had a friend who I knew for 14 years (we were inseparable for the last 5 and I am confident that we were much closer than you are with her) and I cut contact with him so don't use 'joint at the hip' as an excuse. Your religion and ākhirah are more important than these friendships. Allāh told us that everyone except those who have taqwā will be an enemy to us on the Day of Judgment. Do we not believe Him? Then why do we still continue befriending those who are the furthest from that (i.e. the mushrikīn)?

If you see that she may be inclined to Islām then give her da'wah, if you can (based on knowledge as Allāh said (meaning): {{Say (O Muhammad): "This is my way; I invite unto Allâh upon insight/sure knowledge, I and whosoever follows me} [Yūsuf 12:108]), to her without taking her as a close friend. I was in a is smilier situation and I still keep occasional contact with a kāfir friend I used to have in order to give him da'wah because he seems inclined to Islām. This way is best for you and them.
(edited 2 months ago)
Salaam sister.
I am not a girl, but I hope this might be of use, so please forgive me for replying.

Firstly, I really don't understand what the above post is all about, from what I understand, we are definitely not disallowed from being friends with non-Muslims. Else how would anyone ever revert?

I understand what you are feeling, in fact, I greatly respect it. It's a beautiful thing to want to guide someone you care about to the right path. I think that in order to protect your friendship and ensure no-one gets offended, you have to tread carefully. I think you said she isn't religious, just following culture, which makes it much easier I think. I'd suggest you continue to talk to her about Islam and iA over time, as she hears more and more about it, she will ask questions herself.

This isn't really a definitive answer, but I suppose I'm just saying that you should try and tell her about Islam as much as possible in conversation and iA a path could emerge to her wanting to know more and more and one day reverting.

I hope this helps a bit :smile:
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous #3
Salaam sister.
I am not a girl, but I hope this might be of use, so please forgive me for replying.

Firstly, I really don't understand what the above post is all about, from what I understand, we are definitely not disallowed from being friends with non-Muslims. Else how would anyone ever revert?

I understand what you are feeling, in fact, I greatly respect it. It's a beautiful thing to want to guide someone you care about to the right path. I think that in order to protect your friendship and ensure no-one gets offended, you have to tread carefully. I think you said she isn't religious, just following culture, which makes it much easier I think. I'd suggest you continue to talk to her about Islam and iA over time, as she hears more and more about it, she will ask questions herself.

This isn't really a definitive answer, but I suppose I'm just saying that you should try and tell her about Islam as much as possible in conversation and iA a path could emerge to her wanting to know more and more and one day reverting.

I hope this helps a bit :smile:

I posted numerous evidences from the Qur'ān and the Sunnah about why taking a non-Muslim as a friend is not allowed so there is no room for opinions unless you bring evidence. "Else how would they revert" is a very weak argument as you don't need to be friends to someone in order to give them da'wah and it is known that people gain interest in Islām by observing the actions and beliefs of the Muslims, even if they don't directly interact with them. Regardless, the evidences brought were sufficient.
Original post by I7V
I posted numerous evidences from the Qur'ān and the Sunnah about why taking a non-Muslim as a friend is not allowed so there is no room for opinions unless you bring evidence. "Else how would they revert" is a very weak argument as you don't need to be friends to someone in order to give them da'wah and it is known that people gain interest in Islām by observing the actions and beliefs of the Muslims, even if they don't directly interact with them. Regardless, the evidences brought were sufficient.

Ok, I understand what you’re saying. I apologise for my dismissive remark. However, you can surely see that Islam has to applied to the current position we find ourselves in, how can you live in the United Kingdom and not be friends or have extensive dealings with non-Muslims? Even if you could live, how could you progress and become a leader in your community or even country. You couldn’t, and Islam doesn’t advocate for us to live in caves and not contribute to society and progress the Islamic faith. At the time of the Prophet PBUH, it was possible not to have non-Muslim friends. It isn’t in the place we are living as Muslims now.
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous #3
Ok, I understand what you’re saying. I apologise for my dismissive remark. However, you can surely see that Islam has to applied to the current position we find ourselves in, how can you live in the United Kingdom and not be friends or have extensive dealings with non-Muslims? Even if you could live, how could you progress and become a leader in your community or even country. You couldn’t, and Islam doesn’t advocate for us to live in caves and not contribute to society and progress the Islamic faith. At the time of the Prophet PBUH, it was possible not to have non-Muslim friends. It isn’t in the place we are living as Muslims now.

We do not compromise on the aspects of our religion. Allāh said (meaning): {This day I have perfected for you your religion and completed My favor upon you and have approved for you Islām as religion.} [al-Mā'idah 5:3] so there is no trying to adapt Islām so it "fits current time", as some people try to do. This is a great mistake and is suggesting that Allāh did not perfect Islām for us.

Also, if you are saying that we have to compromise on our values because of living in non-Muslim lands then that is even more reason for the obligation of hijrah (migration) to the Muslim lands. Allāh said (meaning): {As for those whom the angels take (in death) while they are wronging themselves, they (angels) say (to them): "In what (condition) were you?" They reply: "We were weak and oppressed on the earth." They (angels) say: "Was not the earth of Allâh spacious enough for you to emigrate therein?" Such men will find their abode in Hell - What an evil destination!} [an-Nisā 4:97]

Furthermore, we as Muslims view the Afterlife as holding much more weight than this world. In the evidences I mention, it clearly shows that taking these people as friends will damage our religion and Afterlife severely. The āyāt that really frighten me are (meaning): {Oh woe to me! If only I had never taken so-and-so as a close friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder after it had come to me.} [al-Furqān 28-29] and {Close friends on that Day will be enemies one to another except those who have taqwā} [az-Zukhruf 43:67] (Note: disbelievers DO NOT have taqwa) We may see them in this life as a close friend who we trust, share our secrets with and spend time together but in reality they will end up as enemies to us and will betray us on the Day of Judgement and we will wish that we never took them as a close friend. The matters you mentioned in terms of "progressing" is not worth the price.

You hinted to the fact that we cannot become community leaders unless we take disbelievers as friends. This is certainly not the case. We see many leaders of Islamic communities that hold on to their values and do not befriend them. I don't understand how you have come to this conclusion. We can interact with them when needed but we do not take them as friends. Keep it to what is needed like if you have a disbelieving colleague at work then keep it to work related matters and don't talk extensively about your personal life and so on. We can certainly still contribute to society in this way.

I apologise if I come off harsh in this matter, it is just that I am upset by Muslims not taking this matter seriously and I see the damaging effects it has on us.
Have read what others have said and yes OP it is up to you to decide what course of action you'd like to take. All I'll say is this- it seems others are following a more strict interpretation of Islam and yes people can do as they please, the only thing that I'm against (and yes I say this as a Muslim) is when people are forcing their beliefs/opinions on others. I don't like that. Everyone can do what they want really, we should not be judging anyone. And I personally disagree with the take on not being good friends with non muslims. This is rather silly esp when you live in a country where the vast majority of people are not Muslims.Furthermore I think it's wrong to pick and choose friends based on their religion,etc. But that's my viewpoint, I won't say I'm right but this is what I feel on this issue. If someone who followed a different religion to me tried to talk me (even very calmly) into changing my faith or how I view certain things I wouldn't like it very much. So I wouldn't do that to someone else. That's all. OP I'd advise you to put yourself in your friends position and see how you'd react if she took up this matter with you. Then make a decision.

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