New driver : Unable to take sudden instructions on time
Rant ahead and need some advice.
So I was always an anxious driver. I started learning to drive with instructor and my hubby. I took around 30 professional lessons and some here and there with hubby. I now feel my anxiety has reduced quite a bit and I feel more confident on road but out of the blue I do something silly(or not upto the standards of my hubby) which takes my confidence to ground zero and makes me think whether should I be on the road or not. Like today- i was driving quite confidently when I came across an intersection. My light turned green and I was going straight ahead and I had the right of way. But because I was coming from this lonely hidden road, the cars turning left(I am in usa) didn't heeded me and came on full speed in my way. So I slowed down quite a bit. One car crossed me wrongfully, I slowed even more to avoid a crash. Then the next one behind this car was also trying to cut me but luckily this car saw me on time and stopped to give me the way. Now during all of this my hubby was shouting on me to toot the horn(to warn other cars from crossing my way) but I was so busy in my mind to avoid collisions that i really didn't pressed the horn but i at least stopped my car.
Now my hubby got terribly mad at me that I am so egoistic that I dont follow his instructions and that I should have known by now that I should toot the horn in this situation. He also said that I was unnecessarily giving the other cars way and confusing them and creating a situation of crash whereas I was just trying to slow down to not collide and yes I would give them way if they don't stop on me even if it's my right of way. Am I wrong here? I have observed I am unable to wrap my mind around his instructions if I have to do them in an instant. I need at least 3-4 seconds to process it in my head. It has created heated situations a lot of time for us. And he is not very patient. After I stopped in the parking, he shouted on me with full anger and pounding multiple times at the dashboard and even almost punched me in the face. And says I am so egoistic to not follow what he is saying and I am dumb. I understand he remains super nervous when he is on road with me because he says I am so unpredictable and wont take instructions at crucial times. But his temper doesn't helps. I have taken enough professional lessons from the last 2 years. I am yet to give my driving test as I keep procrastinating it because of my fear of driving. But I really want to learn as I can't find work if I don't drive. My city has very poor public transport and I have started to enjoy driving too but it looks like a distant dream that I will ever be so independent to drive alone. Pls dont give me degrading comments as I am very sad already and i know i can learn. Thankyou.
So I was always an anxious driver. I started learning to drive with instructor and my hubby. I took around 30 professional lessons and some here and there with hubby. I now feel my anxiety has reduced quite a bit and I feel more confident on road but out of the blue I do something silly(or not upto the standards of my hubby) which takes my confidence to ground zero and makes me think whether should I be on the road or not. Like today- i was driving quite confidently when I came across an intersection. My light turned green and I was going straight ahead and I had the right of way. But because I was coming from this lonely hidden road, the cars turning left(I am in usa) didn't heeded me and came on full speed in my way. So I slowed down quite a bit. One car crossed me wrongfully, I slowed even more to avoid a crash. Then the next one behind this car was also trying to cut me but luckily this car saw me on time and stopped to give me the way. Now during all of this my hubby was shouting on me to toot the horn(to warn other cars from crossing my way) but I was so busy in my mind to avoid collisions that i really didn't pressed the horn but i at least stopped my car.
Now my hubby got terribly mad at me that I am so egoistic that I dont follow his instructions and that I should have known by now that I should toot the horn in this situation. He also said that I was unnecessarily giving the other cars way and confusing them and creating a situation of crash whereas I was just trying to slow down to not collide and yes I would give them way if they don't stop on me even if it's my right of way. Am I wrong here? I have observed I am unable to wrap my mind around his instructions if I have to do them in an instant. I need at least 3-4 seconds to process it in my head. It has created heated situations a lot of time for us. And he is not very patient. After I stopped in the parking, he shouted on me with full anger and pounding multiple times at the dashboard and even almost punched me in the face. And says I am so egoistic to not follow what he is saying and I am dumb. I understand he remains super nervous when he is on road with me because he says I am so unpredictable and wont take instructions at crucial times. But his temper doesn't helps. I have taken enough professional lessons from the last 2 years. I am yet to give my driving test as I keep procrastinating it because of my fear of driving. But I really want to learn as I can't find work if I don't drive. My city has very poor public transport and I have started to enjoy driving too but it looks like a distant dream that I will ever be so independent to drive alone. Pls dont give me degrading comments as I am very sad already and i know i can learn. Thankyou.
(edited 4 years ago)
It sounds like your husbands attitude is more the issue than you not quite reacting to instructions in time. It's very easy to panic or mess up when we're told to do something and react to it almost instantly but this is where anticipation comes into it. This is why I never recommend that people get taught by anyone other than an instructor. Instructors have to be patient, otherwise they'd have no customers and would make no money as their reputation would be shocking but family and friends seem to think they have a free pass to get angry when we make a mistake. Is there anyone else you can practice with?
Thankyou Bones-McCoy. We dont have any family or friends here with whom I can practice. My next plan is to pass my test anyhow so that I can get license to practice alone. I will drive around the block at start and then work my way up little by little. There is no way I can practice with my hubby anymore. He has been a jerk so many times now. I want to know how many times in general you need guidance of someone else. When do you know that you are ready to go alone(ofcourse after passing the test). I have heard of so many people driving alone even on learners license which I am no way gonna do, I am too chicken to break the law. But I have experienced those people learn pretty fast(i personally know people doing that) than being reliant on someone who keeps shouting on you all the time making you feel less confident about yourself.
Original post by bones-mccoy
It sounds like your husbands attitude is more the issue than you not quite reacting to instructions in time. It's very easy to panic or mess up when we're told to do something and react to it almost instantly but this is where anticipation comes into it. This is why I never recommend that people get taught by anyone other than an instructor. Instructors have to be patient, otherwise they'd have no customers and would make no money as their reputation would be shocking but family and friends seem to think they have a free pass to get angry when we make a mistake. Is there anyone else you can practice with?
Original post by Learningtodrive
Thankyou Bones-McCoy. We dont have any family or friends here with whom I can practice. My next plan is to pass my test anyhow so that I can get license to practice alone. I will drive around the block at start and then work my way up little by little. There is no way I can practice with my hubby anymore. He has been a jerk so many times now. I want to know how many times in general you need guidance of someone else. When do you know that you are ready to go alone(ofcourse after passing the test). I have heard of so many people driving alone even on learners license which I am no way gonna do, I am too chicken to break the law. But I have experienced those people learn pretty fast(i personally know people doing that) than being reliant on someone who keeps shouting on you all the time making you feel less confident about yourself.
Exactly. I am in the same position in that I'm learning to drive and have just bought my first car, ready to take out provisional insurance on it so I can get practice inbetween lessons. I'll be driving with my partner and I know he won't shout at me or become aggressive, just frustrated perhaps. And even if he did go out of line, I've always got my parents who I can drive with as well. Good luck, I'm sure you'll pass your test soon!
Thankyou Bones-McCoy. I wish you too good luck for your practice. May success be ours. Cheers. :-)
Original post by bones-mccoy
Exactly. I am in the same position in that I'm learning to drive and have just bought my first car, ready to take out provisional insurance on it so I can get practice inbetween lessons. I'll be driving with my partner and I know he won't shout at me or become aggressive, just frustrated perhaps. And even if he did go out of line, I've always got my parents who I can drive with as well. Good luck, I'm sure you'll pass your test soon!
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