Gcse English language what grade would this story be aqa

‪...He was abandoned. Abandoned to the point he needed help desperately‬

‪Reluctantly, I edged myself closer to him, close enough that I could feel the warm burst of wheezing breeze caress my face, without my eyes leaving his face my hand glided over to his.‬

‪Silence! Was this silence one of peace or fear?‬

‪His eyes! his eyes. Eyes which I once knew as fearless diamonds , ones which hold his courageous story of fighting , war, his allegiance to our country. Instead, I felt as though I was staring into clear marble, which greyed with an almost timid look. They looked like the eyes of a frightened animal, the foldings of his lid falling over his grey iris like a curtain blocking out the light. The abandoned man was a shrivelled toothless creature, feeble and walked with a cane. He looks as though a puff of wind could blow him down. He had a hand tremor and constant waggling and bobbing of the head. The man’s deep wrinkles seemed to carve a map of his life on his still agile and mobile facial features. His twinkling eyes were framed by thick white eyebrows and on his stubbles chin where white whiskers.‬

‪My eyes climbed down the edges and curves of his face; a mosaic pattern etched with a meticulous care which could have only been carved by the sculpture of looking old.‬

‪The old man had a fringe of grey-white hair around his balding, mottled scalp. He had a wizened face and a back slightly hunched. With each movement there was the cream of old bones. He had the resigned look of one who knows that at his age life has stopped giving, and only takes away. ‬

‪The unnamed abandoned man was left to die in agony and pain in the cold London streets with no university degree‬

Reply 1

Davy611

12

There's a whiff of spam about this now. You've posted the same narrative several times in several different threads and haven't taken any of the advice you've been given. Instead, you've just posted it again. Other people have spent time reviewing your work and offered honest opinions.

Why have you posted this again?

Reply 2

DoIce

6

A variety in punctuation/sentence lengths would be recommended and also a clear structure/intention, what do you want us as a reader to gain from reading your work.. think about what you as the writer know and what you us as the reader to find out.

Reply 3

Omarri

OP

11

Original post by DoIce

A variety in punctuation/sentence lengths would be recommended and also a clear structure/intention, what do you want us as a reader to gain from reading your work.. think about what you as the writer know and what you us as the reader to find out.

Thank you what grade would you issue that and a mark out of 40 roughly?

Reply 4

Davy611

12

Original post by Omarri

Thank you what grade would you issue that and a mark out of 40 roughly?

You've had all this :smile:

Write something new....

Reply 5

ReusCrispies

13

Roughly between 26-34 imo.

Reply 6

Omarri

OP

11

Original post by Davy611

You've had all this :smile:

Write something new....

Thank u the thing is I wrote this exact thing in my eng Lang 2019 gcse paper which obviously makes me worried hope u get the results u desire btw

Reply 7

Davy611

12

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=84341704&highlight=

Reply 8

DoIce

6

Original post by Omarri

Thank you what grade would you issue that and a mark out of 40 roughly?

In terms of marks (not that great with Language marks as I am with literature) your content appears in the level 3 bracket (13-18 marks) and technical accuracy mark to be a low level 3 (9-10 marks) so in total 25-28 marks so you're looking at a low grade 7

Reply 9

Tolgash

21

After reading it again and again, it is quite average. I think you'd probably get something in the mid 20s (possibly a little higher).

I got full marks for my creative writing last year, and I make this judgement against my own standards.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 10

Omarri

OP

11

Original post by Tolgarda

After reading it again and again, it is quite average. I think you'd probably get something in the mid 20s (possibly a little higher).

I got full marks for my creative writing last year, and I make this judgement against my own standards.

Well done for full marks 😊

Reply 11

Omarri

OP

11

Original post by DoIce

In terms of marks (not that great with Language marks as I am with literature) your content appears in the level 3 bracket (13-18 marks) and technical accuracy mark to be a low level 3 (9-10 marks) so in total 25-28 marks so you're looking at a low grade 7

Thank you

Gcse English language what grade would this story be aqa

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