Not attracted to my boyfriend anymore Watch

Jade0919
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I know this is shallow of me, and before you blast me I hate me too.
We’ve been together over a year and a half now. When I first met him, I didn’t get the butterflies, he’s not the most handsome man. But I fell in love with him because he’s nothing like other guys. He’s gentle, warm and so so kind to me it’s amazing. He’s a beautiful soul and I love him.
I pushed flaws to the side because they didn’t matter to me (mostly). But now I just feel repulsed.
All I see is how overweight and hairy he is. I have really gotten into fitness, but he hasn’t even when I try to suggest exercise like a walk on a weekend. He either eats takeaway everyday or he eats an apple with oxyshred (fat burner) and that’s it. I am putting so much effort into my appearance, eat healthy to look good. He won’t go to the gym because he has no time - works as a forklift driver from 8-7pm.
The thought of sex has me hurling and cringing. He’s a bit smelly because he’s overweight and no amount of showering keeps down there smelling fresh for too long. It also has a horrible taste (unsure if this is because he’s uncircumcised - SORRY TMI) and he just has a large round hairy belly (I mean you can’t see skin).
Please help, I love him I truely do but I’m just not physically attracted anymore and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you
1
reply
Antonia1999
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#2
Report 3 weeks ago
#2
I think you know that you have already made up your own mind. Time to move on.
5
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#3
Report 3 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by Jade0919)
I know this is shallow of me, and before you blast me I hate me too.
We’ve been together over a year and a half now. When I first met him, I didn’t get the butterflies, he’s not the most handsome man. But I fell in love with him because he’s nothing like other guys. He’s gentle, warm and so so kind to me it’s amazing. He’s a beautiful soul and I love him.
I pushed flaws to the side because they didn’t matter to me (mostly). But now I just feel repulsed.
All I see is how overweight and hairy he is. I have really gotten into fitness, but he hasn’t even when I try to suggest exercise like a walk on a weekend. He either eats takeaway everyday or he eats an apple with oxyshred (fat burner) and that’s it. I am putting so much effort into my appearance, eat healthy to look good. He won’t go to the gym because he has no time - works as a forklift driver from 8-7pm.
The thought of sex has me hurling and cringing. He’s a bit smelly because he’s overweight and no amount of showering keeps down there smelling fresh for too long. It also has a horrible taste (unsure if this is because he’s uncircumcised - SORRY TMI) and he just has a large round hairy belly (I mean you can’t see skin).
Please help, I love him I truely do but I’m just not physically attracted anymore and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you
Don't hate yourself for it.

It is such a shame when someone is so beautiful on the inside - apart from 1 flaw, where he is taking his body so much for granted. It is, of course, entirely his choice what he chooses to eat. And what exercise he chooses to do, or not do.

Just as it is entirely your choice, every day when you wake up, whether to carry on living with him or not.

You only have 1 life. Do you want to spend any more of it with him?

You may never find anyone as gentle, warm and kind as him. But then again you might.

You'd be happier with someone that's more of an all-rounder. Someone that's not necessarily outstanding in any area, looks, personality, skills, talents, charisma, career wise. But someone that's not too bad in any area.
IE you may end up with someone that's not quite as nice as Mr Forklift Truck Driver, but you should be able to at least get someone that's not bad looking and with a not bad personality, set of skills, career etc.

Anyway, thank-you for creating this thread. I think your scenario illustrates why I gently recommend that every young person has 5 or 6 romantic relationships before settling down to marry someone. Because, so often, you meet someone, fall in love and then a year or so later realise that they are not the right person after all. But in the process you learn a lot about relationships and what to look out for in your next partner.

Should you decide to break with your boyfriend, I'd fully understand. He will probably take it hard. I think we can rely on you to let him down as easily as you can in the circumstances. Whilst being fully open and honest about your reasons for leaving him.
2
reply
IH8Studying
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#4
Report 3 weeks ago
#4
If encouraging him to be healthy doesn’t work then honestly i would leave the relationship. But i would definitely stay as friends.
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report 3 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by Jade0919)
I know this is shallow of me, and before you blast me I hate me too.
We’ve been together over a year and a half now. When I first met him, I didn’t get the butterflies, he’s not the most handsome man. But I fell in love with him because he’s nothing like other guys. He’s gentle, warm and so so kind to me it’s amazing. He’s a beautiful soul and I love him.
I pushed flaws to the side because they didn’t matter to me (mostly). But now I just feel repulsed.
All I see is how overweight and hairy he is. I have really gotten into fitness, but he hasn’t even when I try to suggest exercise like a walk on a weekend. He either eats takeaway everyday or he eats an apple with oxyshred (fat burner) and that’s it. I am putting so much effort into my appearance, eat healthy to look good. He won’t go to the gym because he has no time - works as a forklift driver from 8-7pm.
The thought of sex has me hurling and cringing. He’s a bit smelly because he’s overweight and no amount of showering keeps down there smelling fresh for too long. It also has a horrible taste (unsure if this is because he’s uncircumcised - SORRY TMI) and he just has a large round hairy belly (I mean you can’t see skin).
Please help, I love him I truely do but I’m just not physically attracted anymore and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you
.....Feel sorry for him, if things like that put you off you didn't love him the first place. Sorry if this seems mean.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report 3 weeks ago
#6
(Original post by Jade0919)
I know this is shallow of me, and before you blast me I hate me too.
We’ve been together over a year and a half now. When I first met him, I didn’t get the butterflies, he’s not the most handsome man. But I fell in love with him because he’s nothing like other guys. He’s gentle, warm and so so kind to me it’s amazing. He’s a beautiful soul and I love him.
I pushed flaws to the side because they didn’t matter to me (mostly). But now I just feel repulsed.
All I see is how overweight and hairy he is. I have really gotten into fitness, but he hasn’t even when I try to suggest exercise like a walk on a weekend. He either eats takeaway everyday or he eats an apple with oxyshred (fat burner) and that’s it. I am putting so much effort into my appearance, eat healthy to look good. He won’t go to the gym because he has no time - works as a forklift driver from 8-7pm.
The thought of sex has me hurling and cringing. He’s a bit smelly because he’s overweight and no amount of showering keeps down there smelling fresh for too long. It also has a horrible taste (unsure if this is because he’s uncircumcised - SORRY TMI) and he just has a large round hairy belly (I mean you can’t see skin).
Please help, I love him I truely do but I’m just not physically attracted anymore and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank
He'll be old soon and so will you, looks fade no matter who you're with. Attractive or not
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#7
Report 3 weeks ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
.....Feel sorry for him, if things like that put you off you didn't love him the first place. Sorry if this seems mean.
On the one hand my initial reaction is to feel sorry for him too. Because that's my natural reaction to seeing anyone with relatively self destructive behaviour.

His whole lifestyle is not good for his reserves of stamina. It's not good for his long term health prospects. It's not good for his romantic relationship.

But then again, he's an adult person. It's his choice. And I can't correct all the self-destructive behaviour that goes on in this world. He is the way he is because he likes his lifestyle. So it's more a case of me rooting for him to become less self destructive. And if that never happens then that's fine. He's still a great addition to the Human Race. Because of the good he brings to the people around him.

I think it's very clear that Jade0919 loves him very much. And the reason she hasn't left him already is because she loves him so much. And because she knows that leaving him will hurt him. And hurting him will hurt her very much too.

I don't agree with the school of thought that says that if you really love someone, you stick with them. Through thick and thin. Regardless of how thick the thick is and how thin the thin is, metaphorically and literally.
Whilst love is great, it's not enough. It's not enough for a happy long term relationship. As well as love you need compatibility in a few key areas. One of those areas is sexual compatibility. This is clearly lacking in this case.
There is no way that Jade0919 should sacrifice her long term domestic happiness for the sake of her love for this man. Because in the long term that would be an excessively self destructive decision on her part.

Edit: and on the getting old thing, it'll be 20 years before either of them are approaching anything like getting old. That's an awfully long time to put up with such an unpleasureable sex life.
Last edited by Dunnig Kruger; 3 weeks ago
0
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 3 weeks ago
#8
(Original post by Jade0919)
I know this is shallow of me, and before you blast me I hate me too.
We’ve been together over a year and a half now. When I first met him, I didn’t get the butterflies, he’s not the most handsome man. But I fell in love with him because he’s nothing like other guys. He’s gentle, warm and so so kind to me it’s amazing. He’s a beautiful soul and I love him.
I pushed flaws to the side because they didn’t matter to me (mostly). But now I just feel repulsed.
All I see is how overweight and hairy he is. I have really gotten into fitness, but he hasn’t even when I try to suggest exercise like a walk on a weekend. He either eats takeaway everyday or he eats an apple with oxyshred (fat burner) and that’s it. I am putting so much effort into my appearance, eat healthy to look good. He won’t go to the gym because he has no time - works as a forklift driver from 8-7pm.
The thought of sex has me hurling and cringing. He’s a bit smelly because he’s overweight and no amount of showering keeps down there smelling fresh for too long. It also has a horrible taste (unsure if this is because he’s uncircumcised - SORRY TMI) and he just has a large round hairy belly (I mean you can’t see skin).
Please help, I love him I truely do but I’m just not physically attracted anymore and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you
Ok. First. be honest with yourself. You no longer love this man. Perhaps you have both changed. He doesnt make an effort. His diet and would probably explain why he tastes bad. What you need to realise is that live does nit always last for ever in a relationship. So why beat yourself up about it? He is no longer the one for you. You are repulsed by the thought if having sex with a guy who is so physically unattractive to you! Respect yourself and move on!
1
reply
Rock Fan
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#9
Report 3 weeks ago
#9
(Original post by Jade0919)
I know this is shallow of me, and before you blast me I hate me too.
We’ve been together over a year and a half now. When I first met him, I didn’t get the butterflies, he’s not the most handsome man. But I fell in love with him because he’s nothing like other guys. He’s gentle, warm and so so kind to me it’s amazing. He’s a beautiful soul and I love him.
I pushed flaws to the side because they didn’t matter to me (mostly). But now I just feel repulsed.
All I see is how overweight and hairy he is. I have really gotten into fitness, but he hasn’t even when I try to suggest exercise like a walk on a weekend. He either eats takeaway everyday or he eats an apple with oxyshred (fat burner) and that’s it. I am putting so much effort into my appearance, eat healthy to look good. He won’t go to the gym because he has no time - works as a forklift driver from 8-7pm.
The thought of sex has me hurling and cringing. He’s a bit smelly because he’s overweight and no amount of showering keeps down there smelling fresh for too long. It also has a horrible taste (unsure if this is because he’s uncircumcised - SORRY TMI) and he just has a large round hairy belly (I mean you can’t see skin).
Please help, I love him I truely do but I’m just not physically attracted anymore and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you
Why stay with him if this is how you feel? Think you know what to do
0
reply
karl pilkington
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#10
Report 3 weeks ago
#10
How old are you both? Just dump him he prob wouldn't go out with you if you were fat.
Last edited by karl pilkington; 3 weeks ago
1
reply
SMEGGGY
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#11
Report 3 weeks ago
#11
Tell him it's over if he doesn't look after himself, it May give him the push lose weight or not. If latter leave him. It's not shallow at all. Be happy
0
reply
Faith.A
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#12
Report 3 weeks ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
He'll be old soon and so will you, looks fade no matter who you're with. Attractive or not
I understand the sentiment of this but at the same time can she not appreciate the fine things in life now? You only have one life you might as well enjoy it. Yes looks fade - but with time. Why should she suffer in youth and in old age. She can cross the bridge of looks fading with old age when she comes to it. Plus there are some very attractive older men. Like 50+ years old rocking a full beard and that fboy haircut. Just google "hot santa" the guy that comes up is Paul Mason and he's like 51 y.o.

Granted looks shouldn't be the be all and end all but OP has expressed her efforts to help him get healthier and the effort she puts in to stay attractive. I doubt OP's BF would find her as attractive if she gained 40+ pounds, stopped shaving and took little care in her appearance and hygiene.
Last edited by Faith.A; 3 weeks ago
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#13
Report 3 weeks ago
#13
(Original post by Faith.A)
I understand the sentiment of this but at the same time can she not appreciate the fine things in life now? You only have one life you might as well enjoy it. Yes looks fade - but with time. Why should she suffer in youth and in old age. She can cross the bridge of looks fading with old age when she comes to it. Plus there are some very attractive older men. Like 50+ years old rocking a full beard and that fboy haircut. Just google "hot santa" the guy that comes up is Paul Mason and he's like 51 y.o.

Granted looks shouldn't be the be all and end all but OP has expressed her efforts to help him get healthier and the effort she puts in to stay attractive. I doubt OP's BF would find her as attractive if she gained 40+ pounds, stopped shaving and took little care in her appearance and hygiene.
I get that he isn't looking after himself, but It's not going to happen so quickly. There must be ways to empower him to do so, maybe he doesn't see the point because he has a fit girlfriend.:cool: So he wouldn't think twice to lose weight, because if she has loved him at the start of the relationship when he was bigger and unattractive in her eyes then why would she stop now? I mean in my opinion that is just wheeling him on because she struggled to find good people who'll treat her right and so she decided to take a step down and choose the unattractive option.(to her) She did it to herself in my opinion. She decided to downgrade because she struggled to find good looking men that will treat her right. She can date who she wants at the end of the day but she should probably end it now. BTW you never know he might still like her if she gained 40+ pounds! Being fat doesn't necessarily make you less attractive. She can do what she want's there is no stopping her there! Do what you want! SOME PEOPLE HAVE PREFERENCES, WHICH YOU DO. So you choose.
0
reply
4StarsOutOf5
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#14
Report 3 weeks ago
#14
give him a chance to improve himself
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How has the start of this academic year been for you?

Loving it - gonna be a great year (131)
17.99%
It's just nice to be back! (197)
27.06%
Not great so far... (263)
36.13%
I want to drop out! (137)
18.82%

Watched Threads

View All