The Student Room Group

Comparing my love for bf with others.. am I loving him as much as I should be?

Something that’s been on my mind recently, we’ve gone to different unis and do text everyday, not all day but it might just be dull messages here and there like “going to lecture now” or “hi I just woke up” and we never really call or FaceTime. Those around me always tell me they forget I have a boyfriend because I never really speak about him. The reason I’m overthinking here, my friends who are in relationships seem to be texting their boyfriends all the time and mention them in conversation a lot. I feel as though I love being with him and when I’m with him it’s great, when we’re apart I’m very independent from him and he doesn’t cross my mind like how he should do when you’re in love. My flatmates boyfriend goes to the same uni and they still text all the time and she talks about him a lot. She texts him more than I text mine and they’re at the same uni. I talk about attractive men sometimes and my friends in relationships never do (not that I’d act on the attraction). I do miss him, mainly when I’m sad or in bed alone. I’m just worried that I’m not ‘in love’ and emotionally not involved with my boyfriend? I care about him a lot but I’d say he’s not like my partner in crime typa thing.
Reply 1
Sometimes emotions or feelings start to fade away slowly. Maybe that's what happening with you. If none of you are making enough effort to keep the relationship going, then it's a sign of a breakdown in the bond.
You are texting him too much. Your friends are texting their boyfriends far too much.

You are right to get on with your life when you are not with him. Anyone that says that that means that you don't love him enough is talking nonsense.

Life is better when you live it in the here and now. When you live day by day in daily buckets. Instead of living in the here and the past. Or the here and some other place.

There's the theory of being a "positive challenge". It says that people that are a positive challenge are the most attractive of all. So that you are charming and great company when you're with someone, but there's 3 things that they can never conquer: your sense of humour, your reactions, your time. Don't let your time when you are apart from someone be conquered by them.

Be aware that the majority of pre-uni relationships don't last through uni. Why should they? Why should you stay attached to someone that's far away when there's loads of great guys on your doorstep at your own uni?
Also be aware that it's better to be the dumper than the dumpee.
And be aware that the vast majority of uni students are hopeless at dating / romantic relationships. And that most of them luck into relationships and then don't behave very well within them. Meaning that most of your peers should not be used as your role models in this area.

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