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Older Man

suek

Yeah, that's worrying. I'd stay away.

Does seem a little, doesn't it. Although at least he waited until she was 18 to tell her this, which I suppose makes it a little better.

OP, I've had a similar situation with someone I know through my parents, except I was never tempted by him. He's 31, and a while ago started flirting with me, eventually asking if I'd like to go around to his for the night. To which I said a flat out no. We're still friends, but at least he knows where the boundaries lie - don't be afraid to say no if that's the way you feel. Never let yourself be pushed into something you don't want, no matter how harsh you feel in turning them down.

Reply 21

graemematt

12

OP, just wait til you go to university. Guys there are much more available, younger, and more of a laugh. Don't feel hindered by this man waiting for you!

Reply 22

pkiy

11

Phantom Phoenix

Well, if she does decide to go out with the older guy then she can break up with him later. I don't see why meeting new people automatically means she would cheat...and unless you know her personally, how you know 'she isn't strong enough' is beyond me.

My intuition tells me she s not strong enough!!!! I am intuitive!!!

Reply 23

Charlski

14

pkiy

My intuition tells me she s not strong enough!!!! I am intuitive!!!

Whatever

I'm sure she is perfectly capable of not cheating. Whatever your 'intuition' about someone you've never met on the internet says.

Reply 24

Segat1

16

galladriel

A friend of mine married when she was 19 a guy who was 31. We all told her it wasn't such a good idea but "he made her feel safe". He wanted the big family blah, blah, blah... Now she is 25 with 3 children and no work experience and he wants a divorce because "he shouldn't have shettled down so young, it was a mistake". I mean WHAT?????
Never plan your life with a man as a compass.
Edit: did I mentioned there is a 4rth child on the way?

Damn straight.

Reply 25

hannah_dru

2

Everyone who is saying that he's a bit weird etc is jumping to conclusions a bit. My ex knew me when I was 14 and he was 26. We got together when I was 16 and he was 28 and it lasted quite a long time.

I'd maybe give it a shot, but if you're not ready for it then maybe wait and see how you feel in a few months time.

Reply 26

Phantom Phoenix

13

pkiy

My intuition tells me she s not strong enough!!!! I am intuitive!!!

Well done, you've just found the world's thinnest argument. :wink:

Reply 27

*pitseleh*

20

TomQMU

I would avoid getting into anything with him. I was going out with someone who was 29 when I was 20, and even that was too much of a gap and destined to fail. As it did.
Go for someone your own age, it will be MUCH more fun.

Just because having a relationship with an age-gap wasn't suitable for you, doesn't mean that it would be the same for the OP... neither is there any logic in assuming that having a relationship with someone your own age is more "fun", nor indeed that having a "fun" relationship is the OP's primary concern. I have a couple of friends who are in a happy, stable, long-term relationship, and have a young daughter... there's a twenty-five year age-gap between them, and they got together when the younger person was the same age as the OP. Anecdotal evidence doesn't really mean anything, especially when it's possible for someone else to "prove" the opposite point of view is correct, by the same method.

OP: I do find it a little weird that he's known you since you were 14... but I suppose it doesn't necessarily mean he's been attracted to you all that time - perhaps he's only thought of you in that way more recently.

*shrugs*

If you want to go for it, then go for it.. but you should approach the relationship with a little bit of caution IMO.

Reply 28

Phantom Phoenix

13

If anecdotal evidence is useless, then maybe it's safer to stick with averages; on average, most people end up in a steady relationship with someone their own age and presumably there are reasons for this (whatever they may be). So the OP can give this relationship a go if she wants, but the likelihood is that it won't be forever. That said, maybe she doesn't want it to be.

I do stand by my first interpretation that this is the first time the OP has had a potential boyfriend and is flattered by the attention, however, so she should make absolutely sure it's what she wants. Particularly since she will be heading off to uni soon and will have to maintain an LDR, which will obviously be more difficult. Charlski's right - don't let yourself be pushed into anything.

Reply 29

pkiy

11

Phantom Phoenix

Well done, you've just found the world's thinnest argument. :wink:

You must understand intuition is very important. I am sure you will understand this point when you grow up. When you are tackling a problem, you always start with the result you intuition tells you, and then try to verify it backwards. Of course you must be intuitive.

Reply 30

Phantom Phoenix

13

pkiy

You must understand intuition is very important. I am sure you will understand this point when you grow up. When you are tackling a problem, you always start with the result you intuition tells you, and then try to verify it backwards. Of course you must be intuitive.

That's strange, I'm the same age as you. I must have missed someone handing out intuition-promoting pamphlets at some point.

Reply 31

Meep!

9

pkiy

You must understand intuition is very important. I am sure you will understand this point when you grow up. When you are tackling a problem, you always start with the result you intuition tells you, and then try to verify it backwards. Of course you must be intuitive.

Aha. See, I use my 'intuition', or 'gut feeling' a lot of the time when I'm not certain about something. However, I would not use it to justify the fact that someone I had never met was too weak to be capable of not cheating. I am nearly 22, nearly the same age as you, and yet I am struggling to see your point of view. So, what do you mean by 'when you grow up'? Will we all suddenly understand this at some particular age?

Older Man

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