Feel like my boyfriend forced me to have sex

Where did all of the amateur psychologists suddenly appear from?

And more to the point, when's the next train back?

Please stop discussing psychological issues as if they relied solely on physical possibility, it's ignorant and damaging.

Yeah I know what you mean but I guess it is an emotional shortcut for expressing the emotions that she has heard rape victims expressing etc. An analagy and i think a valid one but it is difficult around such an emotive topic, I mean if someone who had fallen and hurt themselves badly said "I feel like i've been in a car crash" then we would know that they were not saying that they had been, or taking away from the experiences of those who had, just trying to find a way to express what they are feeling. And this is how the word is being used here. Thats why I think it is a valid use of the word.

And of course media coverage of rape hasn't helped the case. the tabloid media seems to be actively against women who have been raped and are taking the country with them. Thats why they report massively on the 1 or 2 women a year who make false allegations and ignore the hundreds of women each month who suffer. If the conviction rate for any other crime was 5% the media would be screaming!

Anyway sorry about the off topicness op, I thik you need to talk frankly to your b/f and decide how you feel about it all. If you do stay in the relationship then maybe you need to work with him to express what you want in bed and let him know what is good/ bad.

Are you sure!?

Im sorry but no.

You're saying that people shouldn't be so judgemental as to say that "she could've just said no" as she may not have been able too.....

...and then going onto say "Men shouldn't be allowed to treat women as property they can abuse"

I'm sorry but that just seems to percepuate a double standard of treatment. To correct you, men aren't allowed to "abuse" women like propety and most men don't want too and try not too.

You're saying that this girl can't be blamedwho has made a mistake in assuming that his girlfriend is contenting...even thought she's nothing overwise

He took off your clothes and starting having sex with you even though you had not responded in anyway (physically or verbally)?
He shouldn't have just assumed consent like that.

Well sorry but what I said was a perfectly good reply which clearly a fair few people on here seem to agree with.

Your just talking complete rubbish

Well I don't think you're in any position to comment on the example I used. I was trying to put across that people don't understand that sometimes women are too scared to talk.

Even?

ridiculous

how many guys in relationships of over a year wake up the bird and say "excuse me my dear, fancy some intercourse?"

in my experience they love being woken for some loving alot of the time. its not a formal thing is it. her fault for not saying anything tbh

To be fair, if you didn't want to have sex with him, it's still rape, even if you didn't try to stop him.

ridiculous

how many guys in relationships of over a year wake up the bird and say "excuse me my dear, fancy some intercourse?"

in my experience they love being woken for some loving alot of the time. its not a formal thing is it. her fault for not saying anything tbh

So why use the example if you didnt want me to respond? You are out of order to assume that any partner I may or may not have would be in a bad situation in your opinion, simply based on 2 or 3 posts made on this forum.

I did not say that it was rape. See my other post. IMO it's just a dodgy middle ground thing. If the OP did not respond in any way, I'd imagine many men would wonder what was wrong and NOT continue with sex or whatever. However, if the OP objected she could have pushed him off etc. There are two sides to this.

If my boyfriend did this to me I would not accuse him of rape. But if I did not want the sex at that time I would tell him so.

The OP just needs to talk to her bf and see what he says.

Please keep as anon as my bf comes on here - if not please delete. Thank you.

I've been with my bf for well over a year now and we've been having sex for the majority of that time, so this is NOT about virginity-losing or anything.

Basically last night he stayed over at my house for the first time because I'm not usually allowed to have him stay the night. We had an argument earlier in the evening and went to bed in near silence. Then he suddenly climbed on top of me and pulled off my pyjamas and we had sex, and I didn't stop him but I really wasn't enjoying it and we just had sex in silence with him occasionally making a noise, and then he finished and rolled off and just went to sleep.

Now this morning I feel really dirty and really upset about it, I feel sick when I think about it, almost as if I'd been raped. I don't know what to do to make myself forget about it. Any help is much appreciated.

It was a throwaway comment, and I'm sure you would treat your partner wonderfully, but I don't appreciate being told I'm an idiot or out of order for expressing my own opinions. I'm sorry if it hurt you.

Please keep as anon as my bf comes on here - if not please delete. Thank you.

I've been with my bf for well over a year now and we've been having sex for the majority of that time, so this is NOT about virginity-losing or anything.

Basically last night he stayed over at my house for the first time because I'm not usually allowed to have him stay the night. We had an argument earlier in the evening and went to bed in near silence. Then he suddenly climbed on top of me and pulled off my pyjamas and we had sex, and I didn't stop him but I really wasn't enjoying it and we just had sex in silence with him occasionally making a noise, and then he finished and rolled off and just went to sleep.

Now this morning I feel really dirty and really upset about it, I feel sick when I think about it, almost as if I'd been raped. I don't know what to do to make myself forget about it. Any help is much appreciated.

Do you not think that she realises that she should have stopped it if she didnt want it to happen? I am sure part of what she is feeling is anger at herself for not speaking up, something else to add to the mix of negative emotions.

It is totally pointless to throw blame around and talk about legal definitions of rape, cant we try talking to the op about her feelings and supporting her in making positive changes for the future?

Yep. If they turn round the next day and says, "you raped me", by law you've no ground to stand on. The law was ushered in when many rape cases were being dismissed cause the defendant argued, "they were drunk and said yes".

I believe it falls under "diminished capacity". The argument is, because the person is drunk they are in no shape to make decisions and thus, nothing they say whilst drunk should be considered to be their actual thought on the subject, ie they have no idea what they are doing. Much like a crazy person cannot be held guilty of murder, they had no idea what they were doing, etc.