13/05/21
Ngl am feeling quite down, i was quite lonely today as everyone i have spoken to most were working from home so in my department there was just me and a couple others. One i am in a team with to do this little mini project which was fine i have been talking to him and stuff and i think we have done a good presentation. I did all the drawings and he did all the technical annotations but aside from that i didnt really speak to anyone.
Im quite intimidated by these two people as they seem to really know what they are doing and i tried to talk to one of them yesterday but it didnt really go anywhere.
I feel like they dont really like me, i know logically they probably have 0 opinion of me but im just getting that vibe. One of them is older and i feel like they probably think im some silly little child who doesnt know anything, but i want to learn.
I'm just finding it a bit hard to fit in i guess, even today there was some joke about parking which just went over my head since i cant drive. Then someone else is pregnant and it feels like that gets brought up rather regularly. I'm not going to go into a long post about infertility but i feel a bit less than compared to other people even though i've never had a maternal instinct for sproglets of my own.
I guess im just missing my friends from the factory floor, there were some annoying/moody people there but if you take them out of the equation i was quite almost popular i guess with everyone else. I got to the point where i knew pretty much everyone and most people would smile and wave at me. I suppose its just getting to that point again but i dont know if that will happen. I probably put everyone off by being awkward and shy.
Part of me worries i wont be good at the job as well because i feel like im forgetting things and having to re-ask for help but its like information overload at the moment. I'm trying to take notes where i can and pin the file paths to the start and things like that but even so its a lot to take on board.
The actual job is much better than being an inspector but i just worry about the social side. In some ways i feel like ive lived about 50 lives in 22 years because so much has happened but in otherways i feel really young for my age and behind everyone else.