Switching unis for the third time

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Okay, right before the official start of my first university year, I dropped out from my dream university in England (2020). It was everything I had ever worked for, but with the pandemic, I wasn't getting any in-person classes and I didn't want to spend half of my course 'settling' due to the circumstances, especially given how expensive it was. So I dropped out because I couldn't defer thanks to Brexit. This uni my mother's dream too... My dad's dream was for me to end up at a university in Italy, my home country. So, when I dropped out of the English university, he helped me start again in Italy one month later and succeeded, my mum was devastated, she couldn't believe I had made such a decision because really, England was everything I had ever wanted. Thanks to my dad's and my own efforts I joined my class in Italy one month late, without having to wait a year (2020). I thought this was what I needed. I haven't lived in Italy in a while (we lived in Austria), so when I realised that I wasn't going to stay in England I REALLY convinced myself that Italy was the best, and I convinced everyone else too - it felt like an anxiety rush in a way, I don't know. I thought it'd be good to learn in Italian instead of English, finally live with my siblings, immerse myself in my culture again, etc. Still, after a week of the honeymoon phase in Italy, I faced the harshest culture shock ever. In Austria, I went to an incredibly diverse international school, so fitting in in England wasn't hard at all. But where I live in Italy, and especially in this uni, the lack of diversity is very difficult for me. I'm not used to being with just Italians, speaking only Italian and never English. The course is nice and well and at the beginning I really liked it but it is too region-specific, and I don't want to work in Italy. I know I don't. All of my friends are either in Austria or The Netherlands. And I have been missing my old life a lot too. Nothing turned out how I wanted it to. I didn't want to come back to Italy and I was set on living in England during my uni years. Now I'm in Italy, but I don't regret leaving England. I didn't want to be there in that situation, I want to go back once I can on my own terms. The real issue starts here: I don't want to stay in Italy nor go back to England. I want to go to The Netherlands for the course starting in Sep 2021. I recently visited and I fell in love with three cities and their unis, but I had never seriously considered going there before because my parents didn't support that. My friends are incredibly happy there and I keep on yearning for the type of life I like, the type of cities and people and diversity and learning systems I like. I know I won't be with my friends, it's not about that, even though I miss them, it's about what I want from my future and my uni life. I don't want to live with my family because as much as I love them, I want to be by myself and become my own person and have my own life separated for them (I know how it sounds, but I truly do love them). I want to keep learning in English and I want to have that international life. Anyway, I have applied to three unis in The Netherlands because they honestly seem like the right fit for me. I don't know what to do though, I haven't told my parents yet. They paid a lot for England and are paying A LOT more for Italy. The Netherlands is cheaper than both of them, but it isn't about that for them. I don't know how to tell them and I also don't know when I should. I'm gonna wait until I get my admissions results back from the universities but I'm worried they might not let me go if I get in. I already made a mess with the England thing. Still, this is my future and I don't want the life I have here right now, I don't even want to wait one year to start in 2021, even though I will have to, which is okay as long as I get to go; also, it'll be good to wait it out a bit to see if the situation changes (I honestly don't think I'll change my mind because I really wanted a life like the one in England or The Netherlands, the only reason I wanted to go back to Italy is because I created impossible expectations for it because I missed it when I was in Austria). I'm not too sure what I'm asking, any advice would be good. I need them to understand me, which they rarely do because of the generational gap - their way of thinking is much different than mine. My whole family's is way different than mine, so I'm worried about rejection and shame. Also, I will be ruining both of my parents' dreams for me. I wish I could just decide this for myself and go, but that's not how it works in my family, everyone has a say, aunts and uncles included - we're very traditional. I also doubt my dad will let me leave his uni, he is very particular about it and he needs my siblings and I to be saints for this uni, if that makes sense. The Netherlands is MUCH cheaper but they will say that it's not about that. I want them to take me seriously though. I'm afraid they will use the England ordeal to stop me from leaving. I just need to know that my future is in my hands, but I don't know how to get through my parents. I know I will be happier there than in England or Italy.
If you have read all the way down to here, thanks any help would be great.
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Johndoe1765
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Send me a private message buddy and we can have a chat. I also studied in Italy for my bachelors and even though the course was taught in English, there were maybe 6 non Italians in the 100+ people in my year so I hear what your saying about a lack of international presence.
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Johndoe1765
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I also followed my parents hopes for my first bachelor's and left after two and a half years even though I was unhappy from week 1. It ended up bearing a heavy cost beyond simply monetary. We can have a chat and hopefully I can help you out
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