The Student Room Group

I feel ignored and overlooked at uni

Hello,

I am half British but was raised abroad. I recently moved to the UK for uni and have been finding it difficult to interact with my peers.

I am often invited to go out with them to go to the pub, etc. but I rarely enjoy it because I feel left out. I try making conversation with people, but I almost always end up carrying it, get short answers and no questions asked back. When it comes to interacting with groups, I am talked over or ignored, sometimes they don’t even look at me. Multiple times I felt like people tried to get rid off me and de-escalate conversations. At first I thought they were just simply rude, but I feel it more and more. Why is this and how can I change to avoid it ever happening again?

For more context: I moved to London and the people on my course are mostly 1-2 years younger than I am. Some of them knew each other from before. Financially I am lucky to say that I am pretty well off, although I never show off, boast about anything or act snobbish. I am well-educated, I speak 4 languages and was fortunate enough to have travelled to many amazing places. I have a lot to give and it feels like nobody wants it here. Back at home, I have loads of friends who love me for who I am and consider me popular.

I don’t know what exactly the problem with me is. I honestly feel like I have thought about every single aspect.
However, because of all this I have started to feel anxious and awkward. I feel like people don’t take me seriously, that I am being dismissed or that I have no importance. This makes me want to go into my shy, introverted bubble. I would like to mention that I am NOT an introvert, actually my personality type is ENFJ and I feel the best when I am amongst others.

How can I make myself heard, make others want to engage in conversation with me? Why is this happening now, when it’s never been an issue? Am I not British enough? Why aren’t they opening up to me?
Original post by Anonymous
Hello,

I am half British but was raised abroad. I recently moved to the UK for uni and have been finding it difficult to interact with my peers.

I am often invited to go out with them to go to the pub, etc. but I rarely enjoy it because I feel left out. I try making conversation with people, but I almost always end up carrying it, get short answers and no questions asked back. When it comes to interacting with groups, I am talked over or ignored, sometimes they don’t even look at me. Multiple times I felt like people tried to get rid off me and de-escalate conversations. At first I thought they were just simply rude, but I feel it more and more. Why is this and how can I change to avoid it ever happening again?

For more context: I moved to London and the people on my course are mostly 1-2 years younger than I am. Some of them knew each other from before. Financially I am lucky to say that I am pretty well off, although I never show off, boast about anything or act snobbish. I am well-educated, I speak 4 languages and was fortunate enough to have travelled to many amazing places. I have a lot to give and it feels like nobody wants it here. Back at home, I have loads of friends who love me for who I am and consider me popular.

I don’t know what exactly the problem with me is. I honestly feel like I have thought about every single aspect.
However, because of all this I have started to feel anxious and awkward. I feel like people don’t take me seriously, that I am being dismissed or that I have no importance. This makes me want to go into my shy, introverted bubble. I would like to mention that I am NOT an introvert, actually my personality type is ENFJ and I feel the best when I am amongst others.

How can I make myself heard, make others want to engage in conversation with me? Why is this happening now, when it’s never been an issue? Am I not British enough? Why aren’t they opening up to me?

The problem is with the other people not you. Any group that makes one person feel isolated are cruel. Sometimes I find one on one conversations can help as people often behave differently often more friendly and open when they are not in a large group.
Don’t let it get you down, at the end of the day you’re there for the education and some of those people you won’t ever see again. Good luck xx
Reply 2
Original post by Blake2010
The problem is with the other people not you. Any group that makes one person feel isolated are cruel. Sometimes I find one on one conversations can help as people often behave differently often more friendly and open when they are not in a large group.
Don’t let it get you down, at the end of the day you’re there for the education and some of those people you won’t ever see again. Good luck xx

Thank you for hearing me out and understanding, this makes me feel a whole lot better. I will try hanging out with them one on one, that’s great advice. I still think there must be something off-putting about me, perhaps some cultural differences or some trait that I have recently developed. But you’re right about the education part too and I will try to keep that in mind. Thanks again xxx
I'd say don't go with them anymore. Find like minded friends, you won't feel like that with real friends. Those people do that because they are insecure because it makes their ego feel good.

Take it easy, if they ignore, ignore them, no pressure.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I'd say don't go with them anymore. Find like minded friends, you won't feel like that with real friends. Those people do that because they are insecure because it makes their ego feel good.

Take it easy, if they ignore, ignore them, no pressure.

Thank you for taking your time to read my post and answer, I really appreciate it. I will take your advice, maybe I just haven’t found the right people to hang out with. Have a nice day
I feel like I can relate to this as well. I am asian but have lived in the UK all my life. I can make friends pretty easily with other asians but with british people it is much harder. Whenever I talk to them I often get one worded replies. Also in my perspective it seems like some of them talk down to me. I don't know if this is a cultural thing but this also happends to my other friends as well. None of them have like close british (or white rather) friends.
Original post by Anonymous
I feel like I can relate to this as well. I am asian but have lived in the UK all my life. I can make friends pretty easily with other asians but with british people it is much harder. Whenever I talk to them I often get one worded replies. Also in my perspective it seems like some of them talk down to me. I don't know if this is a cultural thing but this also happends to my other friends as well. None of them have like close british (or white rather

I get that people are free to chose their own friends but in a group I think it very mean that one person is left feeling isolated. I hope this person gets the best marks out of the group and has a fantastic future as she seems very determined which is inspirational! X
(edited 3 years ago)

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