Anonymous #1
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I started university at the University of Edinburgh in Sept 2020 and since moving my mum has completely cleared out my room and turned it into a room for my three year old half sister and her old room into a study for my step-dad, so now when I go back I have to sleep on the floor in my other sister’s room. At first I was okay with it but now that I’ve come home over Easter I feel so displaced and unwelcome. We only moved to this house in 2017 and I’ve never felt like it is really my home because we moved in with my mum’s new husband and they had a baby that year too, so I’ve always felt quite displaced. Since moving out, I feel more displaced. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I overreacting? Why do you think she did this?
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RamseyGOAT
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I started university at the University of Edinburgh in Sept 2020 and since moving my mum has completely cleared out my room and turned it into a room for my three year old half sister and her old room into a study for my step-dad, so now when I go back I have to sleep on the floor in my other sister’s room. At first I was okay with it but now that I’ve come home over Easter I feel so displaced and unwelcome. We only moved to this house in 2017 and I’ve never felt like it is really my home because we moved in with my mum’s new husband and they had a baby that year too, so I’ve always felt quite displaced. Since moving out, I feel more displaced. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I overreacting? Why do you think she did this?
Depends how many bedrooms you have. If it’s just them 3 and you and you have 3 bedrooms than you should bring it up. Any less and I think it’s fair.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RamseyGOAT)
Depends how many bedrooms you have. If it’s just them 3 and you and you have 3 bedrooms than you should bring it up. Any less and I think it’s fair.
There was 5 bedrooms (one for me, my baby sister, my other sister, my brother, and my mum and her husband) but now I’ve moved out they moved my baby sister to my room (which is bigger than hers) and made her old room into a study.
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Anonymous #2
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You're an adult who is transitioning to full independence.

Were you expecting to move back after graduation? Can you stay in your uni accommodation during the holidays? Are you planning to work while you study?

Sounds like space is tight there and you are away at uni around 30 or more weeks per year.

When I went to Uni, I never really went back home apart from social visits. I got work near the Uni for all my studies.

I remember one of my pals going back home during the holidays and her folks asked her why she kept coming back...'you dont live here anymore..'

You dont need to sleep on the floor, you can arrange a more comfortable foldaway/camp bed/roll-up futon cushion that fits in the bedroom or ask if you can sleep in the study.
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RamseyGOAT
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You're an adult who is transitioning to full independence.

Were you expecting to move back after graduation? Can you stay in your uni accommodation during the holidays? Are you planning to work while you study?

Sounds like space is tight there and you are away at uni around 30 or more weeks per year.

When I went to Uni, I never really went back home apart from social visits. I got work near the Uni for all my studies.

I remember one of my pals going back home during the holidays and her folks asked her why she kept coming back...'you dont live here anymore..'

You dont need to sleep on the floor, you can arrange a more comfortable foldaway/camp bed/roll-up futon cushion that fits in the bedroom or ask if you can sleep in the study.
Wow that’s very harsh I feel (ur mates story). My siblings are always coming back just because my parents miss them and ask to see them more often.
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RamseyGOAT
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(Original post by Anonymous)
There was 5 bedrooms (one for me, my baby sister, my other sister, my brother, and my mum and her husband) but now I’ve moved out they moved my baby sister to my room (which is bigger than hers) and made her old room into a study.
That’s very harsh imo, you could take it up with ur parents or just not go back until they realise how much they miss you
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Jakov
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I remember one of my pals going back home during the holidays and her folks asked her why she kept coming back...'you dont live here anymore..'
Wow...I really don't understand the people who have children and then treat them in that manner. If I had kids I'd want them to come home. I think it's part of the culture in the UK/USA where parents ask for rent/kick children out at early ages. That doesn't happen in most other cultures
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Debs25
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I started university at the University of Edinburgh in Sept 2020 and since moving my mum has completely cleared out my room and turned it into a room for my three year old half sister and her old room into a study for my step-dad, so now when I go back I have to sleep on the floor in my other sister’s room. At first I was okay with it but now that I’ve come home over Easter I feel so displaced and unwelcome. We only moved to this house in 2017 and I’ve never felt like it is really my home because we moved in with my mum’s new husband and they had a baby that year too, so I’ve always felt quite displaced. Since moving out, I feel more displaced. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I overreacting? Why do you think she did this?
I feel very sorry for you. As a mother with two daughters at university I live for the time when they come home and wouldn't dream of changing rooms or moving them out until they at least graduate. I don't think you're overreacting. Have you tried telling your mum how you feel? At least you should have a camp bed in the study.

Your mum could possibly be missing you more than you think and by making changes to the rooms, could be her way of coming to terms with you moving out and in her mind, moving on. I'd seriously try to talk to her about how you feel. You're still her daughter at the end of the day and you need to feel loved, accepted and not that you've been pushed out.
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ThomH97
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I started university at the University of Edinburgh in Sept 2020 and since moving my mum has completely cleared out my room and turned it into a room for my three year old half sister and her old room into a study for my step-dad, so now when I go back I have to sleep on the floor in my other sister’s room. At first I was okay with it but now that I’ve come home over Easter I feel so displaced and unwelcome. We only moved to this house in 2017 and I’ve never felt like it is really my home because we moved in with my mum’s new husband and they had a baby that year too, so I’ve always felt quite displaced. Since moving out, I feel more displaced. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I overreacting? Why do you think she did this?
The bold bit is the key. You've pretty much left the home already, and they're making best use of the space.

If they're putting you in someone else's room when you visit, I imagine there isn't a spare bedroom? Without knowing your family dynamic better, I would say this was bound to happen once you left, and not anybody trying to displace you. You actually had your own room in the new home, so I doubt there was anything deliberate being done there to make you feel unwelcome or displaced.

Having said that, why do you feel unwelcome? Is their behaviour different towards you, in a way that can't be explained by not having seen you for several months?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
There was 5 bedrooms (one for me, my baby sister, my other sister, my brother, and my mum and her husband) but now I’ve moved out they moved my baby sister to my room (which is bigger than hers) and made her old room into a study.
Wow, a really big place so not necessarily a space issue but a reconfiguration problem.

There is room for everychild but theyve decided a study is more important than showing you that you're welcome and makimg you have the same standard of living as your siblings?

Can you chat to your mum about how you feel and whether she can transform the study into a bedroom for you or whether baby and sis can double up when you're home?
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Anonymous #2
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If there's no compromise, I guess you have to give up going home during the holidays if you dont want to be treated as an inconvenience by them.
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