is this abuse?

my bf of 2 years just constantly puts me down, he says he's the best/smartest/greatest person all the time whilst he says im dumb, stupid, that without him im screwed, (even though we both got into the same uni), is this normal for a relationship or is he being bad to me? this is my first relationship ever and I dont wanna embarrass myself by taking to my friends about this

Reply 1

A_J_B

19

Original post by Anonymous

my bf of 2 years just constantly puts me down, he says he's the best/smartest/greatest person all the time whilst he says im dumb, stupid, that without him im screwed, (even though we both got into the same uni), is this normal for a relationship or is he being bad to me? this is my first relationship ever and I dont wanna embarrass myself by taking to my friends about this

He's clearly very narcissistic, patronising and looks down upon you-this seems like a toxic relationship to me.
Nobody should be insulting you like that

Reply 2

Thoth's World

19

Original post by Anonymous

my bf of 2 years just constantly puts me down, he says he's the best/smartest/greatest person all the time whilst he says im dumb, stupid, that without him im screwed, (even though we both got into the same uni), is this normal for a relationship or is he being bad to me? this is my first relationship ever and I dont wanna embarrass myself by taking to my friends about this

I do not know the truth value. However If you are unhappy but dependent on him then you should start to look for other friends to speak and play with, or speak to your boyfriend and tell him the problems so you can both solve it out. Does your college have a relationship counselor? Perhaps speaking to it could improve your relationship and your life quality.

Reply 3

username5398004

20

Without proper context or insight, I can not give a 100% definite answer. However, this sounds like a toxic relationship and that he is trying to manipulate you or mentally/emotionally abuse you. I'd talk to a family member or friend for further advice.

Reply 4

username4449440

21

Original post by Anonymous

my bf of 2 years just constantly puts me down, he says he's the best/smartest/greatest person all the time whilst he says im dumb, stupid, that without him im screwed, (even though we both got into the same uni), is this normal for a relationship or is he being bad to me? this is my first relationship ever and I dont wanna embarrass myself by taking to my friends about this

Well when you say it like that he sounds bad

altho he could've been saying it as a joke to tease you or smthn

Reply 5

username5398004

20

Original post by the_pharaoh

Well when you say it like that he sounds bad

altho he could've been saying it as a joke to tease you or smthn

I agree with this. He could have been messing around and not realising that he was insulting you. This is why I said we can't give definitive answers without context or insight.

Emotional abuse

Original post by Anonymous

my bf of 2 years just constantly puts me down, he says he's the best/smartest/greatest person all the time whilst he says im dumb, stupid, that without him im screwed, (even though we both got into the same uni), is this normal for a relationship or is he being bad to me? this is my first relationship ever and I dont wanna embarrass myself by taking to my friends about this

A person who truly loves you and cares for you would uplift you and encourage you.
My ex used to do it too, it usually happens when a guy is insecure about losing you, he tries to control you by lowering your self-esteem or making you believe you are nothing without him. I know you probably love him, but trust me, this is toxic and not normal. The sooner you leave the better, your future self will thank you because from experience it does get worse.

Reply 8

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by Anonymous

my bf of 2 years just constantly puts me down, he says he's the best/smartest/greatest person all the time whilst he says im dumb, stupid, that without him im screwed, (even though we both got into the same uni), is this normal for a relationship or is he being bad to me? this is my first relationship ever and I dont wanna embarrass myself by taking to my friends about this

Surely your friends have already seen how he speaks about you and interacts with you when you are out socialising?
Surely they already know that he has a horrible "I'm OK, you're not OK" attitude? That he's an annoying big-headed boast. Combined with him being far too judgemental and overly negative and critical of you.

He says these things because he's a horrible, immature man that has no idea how to get along with his girlfriend. You could be the Virgin Mary and he'd still find lots of things to criticise you over.

The only embarrassing thing is that you didn't dump him 1 year and 11 months ago.

Even if he was saying this stuff as a "joke" or "to tease you", this form of humour is not acceptable. If he came out with this sort of joke twice a year that would be acceptable. But to constantly put you down is mental abuse and psychological bullying.

A man like him does not deserve to have a girlfriend or a wife.

His whole attitude stinks.

None of what he says has any basis in reality. You are not dumb or stupid. And you would thrive without him. He's holding you back.
He one of those guys that's so full of excrement that whatever he says, if you take the opposite, that will be closer to the truth.
EG he says he's the best = he's the worst
He says you're dumb and stupid = you are clever and well educated
He says you're screwed without him = you're screwed with him and you'd thrive without him.

The best solution is for you to dump him today. Sunday 16th May 2021. It will be the best day of your life so far. With lockdown restrictions easing tomorrow - you can look ahead with a lot of optimism - as this will pave the way for you to go out and get yourself a supportive boyfriend. One that treats you as an equal partner in the relationship.
Treat you starting this thread today as a big omen in your life. As a fateful decision. As an important day in your life. As the closing of one chapter and the start of another.

Don't beat yourself up about wasting 2 years with this scum. It's your first relationship. You've been learning. And now in this thread you've finally had the veil drawn from your eyes. And you can see the clear path that you should take now.

Your boyfriend has been so nasty to you that you are now quite entitled to dump him in the rudest and most abrupt manner. Use your friends as supoort in this. They will be on your side, not his.

Reply 9

Ivyreign

17

Drop that ******* no question

Reply 10

bones-mccoy

19

Have you spoken to him about it before now? It's a long shot but he may genuinely be joking and not realising that he's hurting you.

But it's more likely he's well aware that he's being an arrogant POS and you could better without him. You deserve to give your time to someone who builds you up and supports you, not brings you down all the time.

is this abuse?

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