I want a FwB with my ex's ex, what should I do?

My ex and I of two years split up 3 months ago (we are both bisexual and female). Her ex from 8 years before but were best friends, decided to cut contact from my ex whilst we was together only in the last 6 months. My ex couldn't understand why and was in bits about it. My ex was extremely abusive physically and emotionally, and would tell people I was gaslighting and emotionally manipulating her so I wouldn't have friends. I got into contact with my ex's ex to find some closure and to understand why he didn't want anything to do with my ex. I have been emotionally suffering recently, and really needed to talk to someone who had also been abused.
We met up recently (we both have no contact with our ex) and it felt so easy and nice, and we discussed exploring the possibility of a friends with benefits situation.
I feel there are a lot of ethical implications to this- especially as we both have history of our ex, and if our ex ever did find out it would destroy her. I was wondering what would you do in the situation, and whether it is a really unethical thing to do?

Reply 1

Sorcerer's Storm

20

I suspect there are many different takes on this but I personally wouldn't really consider the ex in this situation, especially as she was horribly manipulative and abusive. If I wanted a fwb situation and the other party wanted it too then I'd go for it. Obviously I wouldn't flaunt it in front of this abusive ex and would try and keep it from her as much as is possible to not enrage the bull so to speak, but I wouldn't potentially sacrifice an amazing fwb situation purely because it may make an abuser cry. And anyway, if you've both blocked her and completely cut her out of your lives then it hopefully shouldn't have major repercussions in your lives even if she does find out.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Sorcerer of Old

I suspect there are many different takes on this but I personally wouldn't really consider the ex in this situation, especially as she was horribly manipulative and abusive. If I wanted a fwb situation and the other party wanted it too then I'd go for it. Obviously I wouldn't flaunt it in front of this abusive ex and would try and keep it from her as much as is possible to not enrage the bull so to speak, but I wouldn't potentially sacrifice an amazing fwb situation purely because it may make an abuser cry. And anyway, if you've both blocked her and completely cut her out of your lives then it hopefully shouldn't have major repercussions in your lives even if she does find out.

Thank you for the reply! Yeah, I think if a FwB was to occur it would be a secret as neither of us want to be reminded of our past. I just worry she would try to kill me if it ever got out- and also what other people would think of me- I don't want to cause harm to anyone.

Reply 3

Surnia

20

FWB can get messy if one person is more emotionally dependent on the other or one starts to fall for the other.

Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons and with the right person, and that you are prepared to deal with the fallout of it potentially not working out how you want. Don't use each other as a crutch for the mutual ex.