What do I do?!

So this is going to be long so i do apologise in advance. I have a huge crush on my best friend H and recently I also found out that she likes me the same way. However, she has a boyfriend (A) who is so abusive and toxic.

The other night I went out with them because H has told me what A gets like when he is drunk and I wanted to be there if anything were to happen. That night we were in a club and I was getting some drinks and when I turned around I saw him grab her by her hair and drag her outside. I instantly ran after them to find him shouting at her in the street so I shoved him and asked him that the hell he was doing talking to and treating her like that. I told him to go ahead and treat me the way he treats her and he got so manipulative and started gaslighting me saying that I was only saying these things because I was drunk and he was only trying to talk to her.

I know the stories of what he's like when he's drunk and I really kicked off at him. I then walked away because I couldn't stand being near him and H came over to me, thanking me for sticking up for her. I said that's fine but I wasn't getting in the same uber as him (he is staying in our flat for the week because his parents are away and don't trust him alone in their house). She then got in an uber with him, left me in the middle of town by myself at 3am surrounded by drunk people. I was so angry and hurt that she had done that to me, especially seeing how he was towards both him and me.

I stood against a wall and a guy came over to me and I was ranting to him about the situation. He then grabbed me by my waist, wrapped his arms around my waist so tight I couldn't get away and started kissing me. I told him I was a lesbian and he carried on. I managed to pull away eventually and walked back inside and got another drink where he followed me and sat down with me though I didn't engage with him, hoping he would just go away. My friend then came and picked me up when I told her what had happened.

A is still staying at the flat, and they are both acting like nothing happened, though I am not engaging whatsoever with A when I see him. But since that night I've just been feeling so much anxiety. I don't know why. I'm not scared by A at all and if he tried anything he wouldn't get very far before I showed him what was what. I'm just so angry because of the situation and I'm trying so hard not to let it affect me but I think it is. I almost had a panic attack at uni today for literally no reason. I don't know why I'm feeling like this and I feel so dumb because I'm not the one being abused by their boyfriend. I don't know what to do, I'm just feeling so off right now.

Reply 1

Muttly

If I was you I would get the hell out of that friendship group and find another group. This an abusive group not a friendship group. If you go along with your friend there will be many more times where you get dumped at 3am. That isn't caring about you, and it is dangerous for your safety. What your friend does is up to her, but it is not clever to stick around someone who is abusive. You create your own narrative in life and determine how it ends.

You now the answer and know what you need to do, so do it. You allow and give permission for these guys to be abusive by returning again and again. Where is your self respect because they don't care?