Major uni anxiety! Help
So in a couple weeks time im due to get my a-level results as everyone is and it’s making me contemplate uni again.
A couple months back I already decided I would take a gap year as the idea of Uni terrified me. My student loan didn’t even cover half my accommodation let alone living costs, id be moving two hours away from everyone I know and I did not in the slightest feel prepared.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure everyone has felt the same way but I was having major anxiety to the point of tears. On a frequent basis I’d sob my eyes out to my boyfriend how I didnt want to leave and he’d always encouraged me to stick to my education and emphasised how I should put my education first. But for the first time in a very long time have I felt stable in my position.
I’ve recently moved in with my boyfriend, I have stable friends (which is new from years of where id fall out with everyone) and I was earning good money.
For so long I lost sight of why I wanted to go uni which was wanting to become a psychiatrist or a form of therapist, and for a while i regained my vision but now that results are coming up I’m not sure I can do it.
My mum would be very disappointed in me if I didn’t go next year and I know it should be about me and not her but I feel like I owe her to make the most of my life as we’re immigrants who have been so close to homelessness.
I don’t want to say my boyfriend is keeping me from wanting to go to uni but it’s no obvious reason he wouldn’t play a factor. I may be young but I genuinely see a future with him where I’d want to marry and have his children one day. My mums even said recently to my family to start saving money for the wedding. My mother may I say is harsh, on multiple occasions she’s told me About exs that I’d get bored of them or they won’t last and everytime she was right. My constant thought is that I don’t want to uproot the relationship I have and potentially jeprodize it as we’ve had conversations and it’s led to us unfortunately agreeing long term would put a massive strain on us as we both suffer with severe anxiety and wouldn’t know if we could make it due to high stress- this in the slightest doesn’t change how much we love one another of course but we don’t think long distance is for either of us. We spoke about alternatives such as constant meet ups and scheduled phone calls but on the first day of my recent holiday, i sobbed my eyes out simple because I wasn’t in the same bed as him and missed him immensely.
On top of all of this I started looking into jobs which could lead me to a position in the mental health field that I was satisfied with without having to go to uni as well as looking into apprenticeships.
So my question is, what do you guys think I should do? Coz I have no idea, and it burdens me everyday.
A couple months back I already decided I would take a gap year as the idea of Uni terrified me. My student loan didn’t even cover half my accommodation let alone living costs, id be moving two hours away from everyone I know and I did not in the slightest feel prepared.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure everyone has felt the same way but I was having major anxiety to the point of tears. On a frequent basis I’d sob my eyes out to my boyfriend how I didnt want to leave and he’d always encouraged me to stick to my education and emphasised how I should put my education first. But for the first time in a very long time have I felt stable in my position.
I’ve recently moved in with my boyfriend, I have stable friends (which is new from years of where id fall out with everyone) and I was earning good money.
For so long I lost sight of why I wanted to go uni which was wanting to become a psychiatrist or a form of therapist, and for a while i regained my vision but now that results are coming up I’m not sure I can do it.
My mum would be very disappointed in me if I didn’t go next year and I know it should be about me and not her but I feel like I owe her to make the most of my life as we’re immigrants who have been so close to homelessness.
I don’t want to say my boyfriend is keeping me from wanting to go to uni but it’s no obvious reason he wouldn’t play a factor. I may be young but I genuinely see a future with him where I’d want to marry and have his children one day. My mums even said recently to my family to start saving money for the wedding. My mother may I say is harsh, on multiple occasions she’s told me About exs that I’d get bored of them or they won’t last and everytime she was right. My constant thought is that I don’t want to uproot the relationship I have and potentially jeprodize it as we’ve had conversations and it’s led to us unfortunately agreeing long term would put a massive strain on us as we both suffer with severe anxiety and wouldn’t know if we could make it due to high stress- this in the slightest doesn’t change how much we love one another of course but we don’t think long distance is for either of us. We spoke about alternatives such as constant meet ups and scheduled phone calls but on the first day of my recent holiday, i sobbed my eyes out simple because I wasn’t in the same bed as him and missed him immensely.
On top of all of this I started looking into jobs which could lead me to a position in the mental health field that I was satisfied with without having to go to uni as well as looking into apprenticeships.
So my question is, what do you guys think I should do? Coz I have no idea, and it burdens me everyday.
Hi there.
Sounds like you're under a lot of pressure right now. You've stated that thinking about university has given you anxiety in the past and this has come back with the looming of results day. I'm wondering what is it specifically about university that is making you feel worried?
I think this is likely down to the instability you have experienced in the past. Almost like you finally feel as though you gotten your life settled, and you're worried a drastic change like this may disrupt everything and cause it to slip out of your hands. Is this mostly just with regards to your relationship, or are there other things?
Although you come from an immigrant family and nearly fell into homelessness, this cannot be a reason to force yourself into doing something that could ultimately worsen your mental health. Health should come first. If you often find yourself in tears just thinking about moving away, I fear the reality would be much worse.
Education is definitely important and it sounds like it is also important to you. It sounds like you've done some digging and already found some great options that get you where you'd like to be in terms of a career. This is really good to hear.
Despite all this, there's something I'd like to flag up. You said you cried on the first day of your holiday due to being away from your boyfriend. To me, this indicates a bit more of a serious and likely deep-rooted issue. It's normal to miss those we love, but being away for a time that you know is only short-term and being this upset can often be a sign of an attachment issue. You did mention you both suffer from severe anxiety, which honestly, may be creating a destructive relationship dynamic. Sometimes two people in a relationship can help each other with their mental health, and other times, it can end up taking a toll on you both without you realising it. I hope you have both reached out to professionals seperately for some support.
If your boyfriend is the main reason stopping you from doing something that would really benefit you long-term, then you may want to do a bit of thinking about how often you're affected by it. It may be that you need to speak to someone.
I think it's likely that university right now would do more harm than good for you. While exposure to things we fear can be helpful, sometimes it makes us a lot worse. You should begin university, if possible, with a healthy mindset.
Please let me know if there's any other hindering factors that you can think of. There may be more to it that you haven't mentioned, but the fact that your relationship was the first thing you wrote down is a bit of a telling sign to me.
Sounds like you're under a lot of pressure right now. You've stated that thinking about university has given you anxiety in the past and this has come back with the looming of results day. I'm wondering what is it specifically about university that is making you feel worried?
I think this is likely down to the instability you have experienced in the past. Almost like you finally feel as though you gotten your life settled, and you're worried a drastic change like this may disrupt everything and cause it to slip out of your hands. Is this mostly just with regards to your relationship, or are there other things?
Although you come from an immigrant family and nearly fell into homelessness, this cannot be a reason to force yourself into doing something that could ultimately worsen your mental health. Health should come first. If you often find yourself in tears just thinking about moving away, I fear the reality would be much worse.
Education is definitely important and it sounds like it is also important to you. It sounds like you've done some digging and already found some great options that get you where you'd like to be in terms of a career. This is really good to hear.
Despite all this, there's something I'd like to flag up. You said you cried on the first day of your holiday due to being away from your boyfriend. To me, this indicates a bit more of a serious and likely deep-rooted issue. It's normal to miss those we love, but being away for a time that you know is only short-term and being this upset can often be a sign of an attachment issue. You did mention you both suffer from severe anxiety, which honestly, may be creating a destructive relationship dynamic. Sometimes two people in a relationship can help each other with their mental health, and other times, it can end up taking a toll on you both without you realising it. I hope you have both reached out to professionals seperately for some support.
If your boyfriend is the main reason stopping you from doing something that would really benefit you long-term, then you may want to do a bit of thinking about how often you're affected by it. It may be that you need to speak to someone.
I think it's likely that university right now would do more harm than good for you. While exposure to things we fear can be helpful, sometimes it makes us a lot worse. You should begin university, if possible, with a healthy mindset.
Please let me know if there's any other hindering factors that you can think of. There may be more to it that you haven't mentioned, but the fact that your relationship was the first thing you wrote down is a bit of a telling sign to me.
Original post by Meduse
Hi there.
Sounds like you're under a lot of pressure right now. You've stated that thinking about university has given you anxiety in the past and this has come back with the looming of results day. I'm wondering what is it specifically about university that is making you feel worried?
I think this is likely down to the instability you have experienced in the past. Almost like you finally feel as though you gotten your life settled, and you're worried a drastic change like this may disrupt everything and cause it to slip out of your hands. Is this mostly just with regards to your relationship, or are there other things?
Although you come from an immigrant family and nearly fell into homelessness, this cannot be a reason to force yourself into doing something that could ultimately worsen your mental health. Health should come first. If you often find yourself in tears just thinking about moving away, I fear the reality would be much worse.
Education is definitely important and it sounds like it is also important to you. It sounds like you've done some digging and already found some great options that get you where you'd like to be in terms of a career. This is really good to hear.
Despite all this, there's something I'd like to flag up. You said you cried on the first day of your holiday due to being away from your boyfriend. To me, this indicates a bit more of a serious and likely deep-rooted issue. It's normal to miss those we love, but being away for a time that you know is only short-term and being this upset can often be a sign of an attachment issue. You did mention you both suffer from severe anxiety, which honestly, may be creating a destructive relationship dynamic. Sometimes two people in a relationship can help each other with their mental health, and other times, it can end up taking a toll on you both without you realising it. I hope you have both reached out to professionals seperately for some support.
If your boyfriend is the main reason stopping you from doing something that would really benefit you long-term, then you may want to do a bit of thinking about how often you're affected by it. It may be that you need to speak to someone.
I think it's likely that university right now would do more harm than good for you. While exposure to things we fear can be helpful, sometimes it makes us a lot worse. You should begin university, if possible, with a healthy mindset.
Please let me know if there's any other hindering factors that you can think of. There may be more to it that you haven't mentioned, but the fact that your relationship was the first thing you wrote down is a bit of a telling sign to me.
Sounds like you're under a lot of pressure right now. You've stated that thinking about university has given you anxiety in the past and this has come back with the looming of results day. I'm wondering what is it specifically about university that is making you feel worried?
I think this is likely down to the instability you have experienced in the past. Almost like you finally feel as though you gotten your life settled, and you're worried a drastic change like this may disrupt everything and cause it to slip out of your hands. Is this mostly just with regards to your relationship, or are there other things?
Although you come from an immigrant family and nearly fell into homelessness, this cannot be a reason to force yourself into doing something that could ultimately worsen your mental health. Health should come first. If you often find yourself in tears just thinking about moving away, I fear the reality would be much worse.
Education is definitely important and it sounds like it is also important to you. It sounds like you've done some digging and already found some great options that get you where you'd like to be in terms of a career. This is really good to hear.
Despite all this, there's something I'd like to flag up. You said you cried on the first day of your holiday due to being away from your boyfriend. To me, this indicates a bit more of a serious and likely deep-rooted issue. It's normal to miss those we love, but being away for a time that you know is only short-term and being this upset can often be a sign of an attachment issue. You did mention you both suffer from severe anxiety, which honestly, may be creating a destructive relationship dynamic. Sometimes two people in a relationship can help each other with their mental health, and other times, it can end up taking a toll on you both without you realising it. I hope you have both reached out to professionals seperately for some support.
If your boyfriend is the main reason stopping you from doing something that would really benefit you long-term, then you may want to do a bit of thinking about how often you're affected by it. It may be that you need to speak to someone.
I think it's likely that university right now would do more harm than good for you. While exposure to things we fear can be helpful, sometimes it makes us a lot worse. You should begin university, if possible, with a healthy mindset.
Please let me know if there's any other hindering factors that you can think of. There may be more to it that you haven't mentioned, but the fact that your relationship was the first thing you wrote down is a bit of a telling sign to me.
I just want to say thank you for your thoughtful message. I think I definitely was experiencing trauma from my childhood aka the instability as well as lots of separation anxiety.
I thought it would be nice to update you as you’ve been so kind and if like me a little nosey about the after math. I ended up taking a gap year as the stress was too much. I dropped out of the uni further away from home and reapplied closer to home for the same degree and course, this made me feel a lot better.
Instead of ranting out how I felt only online I spoke to my bf about how I was feeling and we cleared it up. It took some time to work on the separation anxiety but I’m slowly but surely getting a lot better.
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