Why is he acting this way

My ex and I have been together for three years. This week, less than two days ago he broke up with me. I initially left but came back when he begged me saying we could fix things. When I asked him how he could change his mind overnight he told me how all of my friends called him toxic and how he cried himself to sleep realising he’s destroying me being with me he said he loves me but he wants to be single to focus on himself and his mental health.

I obviously cried and begged him to come back but he said I was guilt tripping me saying he cant fall back into the same toxic cycle. We were both toxic but a few days ago he begged me saying this was just a bump that our differences could be solved that three years we accomplished and went through so much obstacles together. He made a TSR thread about me calling me out as abusive without even talking about his own behaviour towards me.

Since breaking up with me he’s been hot and cold he’s behaved posessive and jealous when I even told him some creepy guy was staring at me bc I was crying he said that I’d probably chat him up and creepy guys are my type. He flirted with me the day we broke up saying he can have my female parts whenever he wants when I tried being firm he said he wont have it then. Knowing I wouldn’t like it.

He told me he’d be lucky to be my flatmate at uni and that we’d still hang out but then goes to saying oh well times change. Later that night he says Uno I cant resist ur body etc etc

When I confronted him about his jealousy he says he’ll adjust to this new normal and get over it and told me over time our love would just lessen to platonic love. Which broke me. I texted him why he said he’d never leave me and that his heart beated for me if he didn’t mean it he said he said it bc he did and he doesn’t have to provide a reason to me

I really want him back we promised our whole lives I really think he’s my soulmate we would say the same things all the time he stuck with me through thick and thin

Last night I had a kidney infection without knowing I got rushed to A&E and I wasn’t treating it because I didn’t even pay attention to it . During that time my best friend spoke to my boyfriend and tried to guilt trip him into staying which only pushed him away.

He wants to be friends with me, or wanted to yesterday before I had my infection. When I was at hospital my friend stupidly said that my other male friend who my boyfriend despises was coming to visit me and my ex replied “keep him away” when my friend asked him why my ex replied “well that’s blown everything him being there” and then he replied “I ain’t taking her back then” my friend then told my ex that he’d get rid of this other bloke and my boyfriend goes too late.

Then when I came home he told me he was going to die and he needed to go to hospital before going offline for 13hrs during which I panicked and spam called him I got worried his long covid was affecting his health.

Today he popped up and said he passed out due to alcohol and that he’s now drinking cider he showed me his cider cans he told me he was going to die and how he had mental health issues his whole life and it was never going to get better.

I am trying so hard just to be there for him I’ve told him I can empathise and I’m here for him just like I’ve always been and that I’m his bestfriend he then tells me no one wants to be his friend. I said I’m still wearing his necklace and he told me to wear it to his funeral.

Today he’s been acting all depressed reaching out to a friend who knew him through school I asked for advice, and he said to make him understand you’re there for him which I did I said Ik what he’s doing and I feel close to giving up and he told me everyone gives up on him and I said not me, I said I was there for him and I am the same girl who helped him and he goes nobody can help.

I feel close to giving up I just want him back I read the no contact rule might work. We were so happy less than two days ago he wanted to make it work and although I didn’t I softened bc he is my soft spot I can never stay mad or leave him for long enough I thought he felt the same

Pls what do I do

The ❤️.
Follow your heart and never go for less.
Sometimes love one who loves you.
Not one whom you love, else you will end up being used.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
You need to go no contact for at least 2 weeks and stick to it.
To give both of you time to calmly decide what type of future each of you want and to allow him to consider whether he is willing to improve his behaviour towards you & other people.

This relationship is not happy or stable and never will be unless a lot of changes are made.
The only way to improve the situation is to break the vicious circle and force change.
You can't force anyone else to change.
That is something that they have to choose and genuinely commit to themselves.
But you can make changes yourself and setup dealbreaker to ensure that you are never closely involved in any toxic relationship again.
Good luck!

Why do you think not communicating with each other will help?

If a relationship is strong, partners will talk to and support each other through difficult times. That's not what happening here; you are both being immature and failing to address the real issues, and why would you stay with someone who has no love, care or respect for you?

Being abusive, possessive, jealous, manipulative; are those the traits of someone who loves you?

Then again, name-calling, checking his socials, admittedly being toxic, wanting no contact; what about your part in this?

You are both better off finishing this and not inflicting your worst behaviours on each other. He can't keep using mental health to excuse the way he's been acting and it sounds like he's not a nice person anyway.

It's pretty obvious what you should do. I don't even have to read this because I notice key words here. Strong, negative words about your ex. "Obsessive, aggressive, depressed, guilt tripping, begged, destroying, possessive, jealous..."

Why on earth are you still confused....?

He's acting this way because he's toxic and a drama queen.

You said...
"Since breaking up with me he’s been hot and cold he’s behaved posessive and jealous when I even told him some creepy guy was staring at me bc I was crying he said that I’d probably chat him up and creepy guys are my type. He flirted with me the day we broke up saying he can have my female parts whenever he wants when I tried being firm he said he wont have it then. Knowing I wouldn’t like it."

Does that sound like someone who cares about destroying you? He's broken up with you because he doesn't want to hurt you yet he still manages to hurt you and play these games. Care about yourself and cut him off. It hurts now but being out of a toxic relationship feels GOOD you won't regret it in the long run.

You’re right today I have cried less. He told me everyone gives up on me and I said i didn’t I said you did. He wants me to give up so I give up I told him he was just like everyone else. I’ve been left before people leave me. It’s nothing new.

he told me I was pushing him away for months and now that he’s doing the same I suddenly hate it and he says it makes no sense.


But it does I knew he’d leave. Everyone leaves me. I’ve had exes before (short term y non serious ones) and they left. I’ve had friends who left and Uno what? I don’t deserve that.

I’m going off to medical school, because I dreamed about it and even though I felt like giving up and pushed that away because I’m stubborn and lacked self confidence I persevered. I have done jobs I hated and didn’t give up even though I felt like it. So I don’t walk away I don’t give up on life. But if he wants to give up on this relationship which he said at “the moment i feel like I do ” then so be it.

But yeah I obvs feel sad and I feel mugged off. He and others are the reason why I have my guards up why I am too afraid to love, why I was always cold hearted yet was with him every single day through thick and thin I wrote him poems, I held his hand. But uno some people take advantage of people who try their best in everything they do.

I said to him if he needs time to think this through and whether he wants to give up then he should have time but if not I’m not fussed anymore because I’m tired of loving someone way more than they love me, story of my life I guess.

Why are you telling him all this? Move in silence. He broke up with you..stop allowing him to jerk you around, and youre even giving him the option to come back if he wants. This behaviour isn't cute nor romantic.

You mentioned that he was flirting with other girls, I bet this is a big part of the reason why he's acting this way.

Why are you telling him all this? Move in silence. He broke up with you..stop allowing him to jerk you around, and youre even giving him the option to come back if he wants. This behaviour isn't cute nor romantic.

You mentioned that he was flirting with other girls, I bet this is a big part of the reason why he's acting this way.

You’re both toxic messes tbh. Don’t really get what you see in a person like that to think they’re your “soulmate”. In any case, such toxic behaviour really isn’t conducive to a stable, long term relationship.