My boyfriend doesn't accept me

I'm trans, ftm and I've been out since I was 12/13 I'm now 16.


I met my boyfriend at college in September, I'm pre everything but I think I pass pretty well so no one knew I was trans. Me and my boyfriend became friends and he still thought I was born male. I caught feelings for him and he said he wanted to give things a try as he did think I was cute, I told him I was trans and he was fine with it and we've been in a relationship since.

He told me he thinks he's asexual as he doesn't feel there is a need for sex and would rather just do romantic things, we have had sex a few times though.

At college, everyone knows about our relationship but my boyfriend gets annoyed when people call him gay or bi and when I speak to him about it, he says he's straight and he's never been attracted to a guy apart from me but if I got bottom surgery then he wouldn't be as he isn't attracted to that but he wouldn't mind if I had top surgery or started testosterone.

I now don't know if he accepts me and I feel like he doesn't see me as a guy. I don't know what to do so i’d like it if I could get some advice

I don't know if I want to break up with him because he is really nice and this is the only issue we've had and I do feel like he doesn't see me as a guy but I'm obviously not 100% sure because he's introduced me as his boyfriend to everyone

soo he doesn’t see you as trans ?

Obviously what he is saying isn't okay and if he is making you feel uncomfortable you should do what feels right for you.
Not making excuses but maybe he is trying to figure himself out and potentially realising that he is gay or bi is new to him and he is trying to figure it out which doesn't mean he shouldn't accept you but it might be a possible solution maybe ??

It's a tough situation really, but the 'He's never been attracted to a guy apart from me' and him getting angry at people assuming he's queer kinda tells me he doesn't really see you as a dude.
If you feel like he can't accept your identity as a guy, are you sure he's really worth it?

At college, everyone knows about our relationship but my boyfriend gets annoyed when people call him gay or bi and when I speak to him about it, he says he's straight and he's never been attracted to a guy apart from me but if I got bottom surgery then he wouldn't be as he isn't attracted to that but he wouldn't mind if I had top surgery or started testosterone.

I now don't know if he accepts me and I feel like he doesn't see me as a guy. I don't know what to do so i’d like it if I could get some advice

He sounds a little weird to be honest.

it kind of sounds like he is insecure in his own sexuality. he seems fine introducing you as his boyfriend which implies that he does accept you (however the fact that he isn't okay with bottom surgery suggests otherwise..).

if he views you as a guy but doesn't identify as bi/gay then he probably is just unsure of his own sexuality and since you are the first person he's interested in, then you've caused him to questions his own ideas of himself.

speak to him about it and make your feelings clear. communication is key

In what way?



Thanks, I will speak to him. I do think he could be unsure of his sexuality which is fine, it just kinda hurts when he says he's straight. Idk if I want bottom surgery anyway so that won't really be an issue it was sort of in a conversation when I asked why he didn't want to be called gay/bi and he said he's straight so I asked if he would be fine with/still want to be in a relationship with me being on testosterone/getting top surgery and he said yes but he wouldn't want me to have bottom surgery as he isn't sexually attracted to it but I'm not sure I'm overthinking it as he's asexual and we don't have sex very often anyway as he doesn't want to so I don't pressure him but I do feel like he only really does it for me as when he told me he thought I was going to break up and he says he'd be fine with never having sex which I wouldn't be and he knows that, but I don't force him and it's kinda good in a way because if he wants to and I don't he doesn't like get annoyed or pressure me as in a way some other guys would