The Student Room Group

housemate issues

i don’t have the best relationship with my housemates. i live with 3 other girls who were all best friends before i moved in. i did try to make an effort to get closer with them, but they haven’t really responded to it and constantly excluded me. i’ve stopped trying now and just accepted it.

one issue that i just cannot ignore is my housemate’s boyfriend. for context, when i first moved into the house, one of my housemates told me that she didn’t want my boyfriend to come over that much, as it would make the house ‘busy’. i respected her wishes and limited the amount of times he came over. but then about a month later, she got into a relationship, and now her boyfriend lives with us. he’s in the house more than i am, even when my housemate isn’t there, always using all our facilities without contributing to the house, and changing his address to ours so his packages get sent to our house. on top of this, he has never spoken a single word to me, even though i’ve tried to be polite and at least greet him whenever i see him - sometimes he says nothing, other times he just glares at me.

i did speak to the housemate about this a few months ago and asked her to clarify what she originally meant, seeing as her boyfriend was over a lot, and she rephrased to say that she ‘doesn’t want anyone’s boyfriend living here’, even though hers does. i’m not a fan of confrontation, and considering this housemate is best friends with all the other girls in the house, i’m afraid that mentioning it to her again will put a target on my back. but at the same time, i hate being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home, especially by someone who doesn’t even live here!

i did speak to the landlord about a week ago and mentioned the situation to him (i didn’t say who exactly) since he is also strict about is having people over, but also explained that i’m worried for him to take action because they will know that it was me who told him.

what should i do? i know i need to talk to this girl, but she does have a tendency to pick on me in front of the others and alienates me from the rest. even if i try to be kind about it i know she will take it the wrong way and they’ll all start to hate me by association. i’m in my final year at uni and this situation, on top of everything else happening in the house, has made my mental health plummet and i’m struggling to carry on with uni. i even considered taking intermission. i don’t want to feel this way for the rest of the year. any advice?
Original post by Anonymous #1
i don’t have the best relationship with my housemates. i live with 3 other girls who were all best friends before i moved in. i did try to make an effort to get closer with them, but they haven’t really responded to it and constantly excluded me. i’ve stopped trying now and just accepted it.

one issue that i just cannot ignore is my housemate’s boyfriend. for context, when i first moved into the house, one of my housemates told me that she didn’t want my boyfriend to come over that much, as it would make the house ‘busy’. i respected her wishes and limited the amount of times he came over. but then about a month later, she got into a relationship, and now her boyfriend lives with us. he’s in the house more than i am, even when my housemate isn’t there, always using all our facilities without contributing to the house, and changing his address to ours so his packages get sent to our house. on top of this, he has never spoken a single word to me, even though i’ve tried to be polite and at least greet him whenever i see him - sometimes he says nothing, other times he just glares at me.

i did speak to the housemate about this a few months ago and asked her to clarify what she originally meant, seeing as her boyfriend was over a lot, and she rephrased to say that she ‘doesn’t want anyone’s boyfriend living here’, even though hers does. i’m not a fan of confrontation, and considering this housemate is best friends with all the other girls in the house, i’m afraid that mentioning it to her again will put a target on my back. but at the same time, i hate being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home, especially by someone who doesn’t even live here!

i did speak to the landlord about a week ago and mentioned the situation to him (i didn’t say who exactly) since he is also strict about is having people over, but also explained that i’m worried for him to take action because they will know that it was me who told him.

what should i do? i know i need to talk to this girl, but she does have a tendency to pick on me in front of the others and alienates me from the rest. even if i try to be kind about it i know she will take it the wrong way and they’ll all start to hate me by association. i’m in my final year at uni and this situation, on top of everything else happening in the house, has made my mental health plummet and i’m struggling to carry on with uni. i even considered taking intermission. i don’t want to feel this way for the rest of the year. any advice?

Hey there!

The best advice I can give you is open and honest communication. Try and get this girl by herself so you could maybe go and knock on her bedroom door and go and have a chat with her. You could start off by saying that you were nervous to come to her because you didn't want her to feel like you were having a nag and that's why you've brought it to her privately rather than infront of everyone. Then you just simply tell her how you feel, if at any point in the conversation one of you ends up raising your voice at each other then the best thing to do is take a step back, reregister your tone and try again. You have to be open to hearing negative criticism back because I'm sure there will be things that she wants to say as well. At the end of the day in order to maintain a healthy living environment, you have to be willing to see things from other people's perspectives. If she can't do that then you take that as your sign that these girls are not the ones you should be inviting into your living space and you move on.

If she doesn't respond well, my advice to you is to join some Facebook housing groups and try and meet some new people to live with for next year. There will be loads of people looking and I found some housemates within a few days. You shouldn't have to put up with a power complex within your living space and you definitely shouldn't be made to feel like you're alienated in your own house and the worst thing you can do is pretend the problem doesn't exist or try and solve this over text because things can become misconstrued. All you need to do is have a conversation with her, if she doesn't respond well then you should start looking for more reliable friends in different places so that you have a safe space to go to when the girls are making you feel awful. She can't hate on you for telling her how you feel as everyone is entitled to their own feelings.

Hope this helped, you've got this!
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU

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