Should I just go for it?

So I am now in my master's year at uni and still haven't done it with anybody... it's not even that the opportunity hasn't presented itself, I just haven't taken it and I'm not sure why that is. I also have never been in a a relationship so I have a feeling that has something to do with it.

I have a friend I've known for a while and when we first met there was an instant connection/ vibe and I could tell there was a mutual attraction. We've gotten drunk together a few times and have gotten with each other (somehow its managed not to be awkward whenever we hang out even after this) and he's said multiple times I should go home with him etc.

And I keep saying no or delaying it.. like this is someone who I do trust and consider a good friend and yeah he's attractive for sure so everything is right but I'm still saying no? It's not even that I'm like scared of sex or whatever but I just keep thinking it'd be so awkward if we did do it.

I know at one point he was interested but I think I've said no enough times and he respects that and has stopped and still wants to be friends so I know that this friendship isn't just because he wanted something physical.

The only thing is, I know that if we again got drunk or whatever, I would probably say yes to it now because we've finished the year and it won't be awkward cuz we don't have to see each other in class. He's maintained that he would not be awkward even if we had slept together during the academic year but I made it very clear that I would make it awkward because its one thing to kiss and a whole thing to sleep together right.

Now I think I want something physical because it won't be awkward anymore and I do trust him/ like him but also I've kind of self sabotaged and said no enough times for him to most likely not be interested anymore. Like he's not as flirty as he used to be/ maintains a respectable distance on nights out etc. so even if I was to suggest something he would most likely say no?

Should I just go for it and tell him I'm now finally at a point where I do want something physical and just be bold? Even if he isn't I still wanna say something and just let him know because he made his feelings very clear and I kind of just ignored it but now I think I've become the more attached one and the roles have reversed lol

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Also, he has slept with many other girls throughout the year so i know that whatever we would have would be a purely physical thing and not an emotional on which i am also completely okay with

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I think he was initially only really friends because of the possibility of sleeping together (as most guys are) but like we did actually end up becoming really quite good friends and sharing really personal stuff etc. so there is an emotional connection there now even if initially, it was just a mutual attraction

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

i just don't think i was ready to sleep with anyone at the start of the year but now i am and he is the only one I would sleep with but i feel like i might have lost the opportunity