Starting dating at 22

I’ve recently turned 22 and completed my final year at uni, and yet I’ve never even been on a single date. Don’t get me wrong - I’ve gone out, made friends, joined societies, all the usual fun stuff - but dating wise I have done nothing.

I think the main issue is that whilst I’m not really a particularly anxious person, when there’s a girl who I like, even if I’m pretty sure she probably likes me back, I just cannot get the courage to say anything, and just decide that it’s much easier to just stay as we are as friends. Which it is, but also that’s not exactly a great way to live your life.

What I’ve also never done is download a dating app. I’m not too worried about not getting matches (and even if I didn’t, ah well) - my main concern is that I’ll start talking to someone, and then do exactly the same. Just talk a lot over text and never actually suggest meeting up, until the other person gets bored and moves on.

So I guess what I’m asking is what’s the best place to start when first trying online dating, and also, how long usually should you talk to someone before suggesting a date? I’m a guy by the way if that makes any difference.

Also with regards to the zero experience - is that worth mentioning? Just like jokily at some stage? Like I say I don’t have issue talking to people but can be I guess… somewhat quirky in the things I say and can come across as a little awkward, especially when I’m meeting someone new.

Sorry about the long post!

Reply 1

Starrytillymae

it's totally normal to feel anxious beginning to date at any age, i'm sure! and you definitely don't have to disclose to someone that you've never dated before. but if you do, i'm pretty convinced people wouldn't look down on you for it. probably just find it quite sweet. especially as there must've been a reason as to why you hadn't all this time.

while i can't really speak for dating apps as i've never had much experience myself with them (my friends certainly have though and i doubt they'd recommend), honestly i've always found it easier getting to know somebody i already know/have just met in a more romantic way. it's a lot more personal. if you are going to pursue on dating apps though and you're afraid of asking to meet up in person, you could also do it in a more casual way, like "would you wanna go for coffee at some point? no pressure, just hanging out" and take it from there. it also shows the other person that you're being mature about it and not wanting to rush into anything. there's never really a timeline for this sort of thing. i guess see where and how it goes before meeting up! i wish i could give you a set time on at what point to ask.

good luck! and hey, there's nothing wrong at all with quirky or weird!

Reply 2

Old Skool Freak

Original post by Anonymous

Better late than never... we've all got to start somewhere... every journey has to start with a first step and all that lol.

From the sound of things, it sounds like you have an active social life, so I'm assuming you've got above average social skills... so you're a lot better off than many other people who haven't been on date, who don't even have those foundations.

I think the main issue is that whilst I’m not really a particularly anxious person, when there’s a girl who I like, even if I’m pretty sure she probably likes me back, I just cannot get the courage to say anything, and just decide that it’s much easier to just stay as we are as friends. Which it is, but also that’s not exactly a great way to live your life.

Alrighty... let's look at this another way...

In your life, how many great girls have you let slip through your fingers because you didn't have the balls to make the final yards? I'll bet you couldn't count them on your fingers... while some of them would have inevitably said "No", there are almost certainly a few whom would have said "yes" (dare I say it, jumped at the chance), and who knows how / where any of those could have ended up?

Anyways, there's noting you can do about what's happened... but you're still young with your whole life ahead of you, so you can make a commitment to change and be more assertive. Really, what have you got to lose by making the jump? When you ask her for a date, either one of two things will happen:-

1) She says "yes", so you go on your date, and see where that journey ends.
2) She says "no thanks" and makes her excuses, you lick your wounds for a week or so, before you get over her and look for someone else.

Either way, you're in a much much better position than spending the rest of your life thinking "What if..." or "If only..."

What I’ve also never done is download a dating app. I’m not too worried about not getting matches (and even if I didn’t, ah well) - my main concern is that I’ll start talking to someone, and then do exactly the same. Just talk a lot over text and never actually suggest meeting up, until the other person gets bored and moves on.

So I guess what I’m asking is what’s the best place to start when first trying online dating, and also, how long usually should you talk to someone before suggesting a date? I’m a guy by the way if that makes any difference.

I can't comment too much about online dating, per-se (I prefer meeting people IRL)... although once you've got past that initial stage of interest, I'd imagine the dynamics are the same as if you met someone in real life. Be a bit more daring during the talking stage (e.g. flirt with her, tell her she looks nice etc. ) and she'll know you're interested.

When suggesting dates, it doesn't need to be anything like a formal dinner date... as suggested above, it can be something fairly casual that can easily be cut short if it's not going to plan. You might want to think of this date a bit like a threesome (No, not with her "bessie", you dirty boy :wink:

) I mean pick something with an additional activity that you can both focus on. Sticking with the bar theme, you could pick a bar with something like a pool table (it provides an additional talking point, pool is one of those sports it's OK for a guy to be rubbish at, or if you're good, you can "coach" her... and... you get to check out her arse when she bends over to get that tricky shot). Alternatively, you could pick a Pub with a quiz night and form a team with her? On the other hand, if you want to play it really safe, you could meet in a coffee shop (as alcohol won't be involved, there's no sexual connotations).

As it's summer, you could even meet up for a walk in the park, along the beach etc.

Also with regards to the zero experience - is that worth mentioning? Just like jokily at some stage? Like I say I don’t have issue talking to people but can be I guess… somewhat quirky in the things I say and can come across as a little awkward, especially when I’m meeting someone new.

I wouldn't explicitly mention you have "zero" dating experience... chances are she'll pick up on it naturally, and if she likes you, she'll be patient; if not, she'll make her excuses. As you said earlier on, you've lead a reasonably active social life up till now, so you'll probably come across much better than you think you would. In life, we always worry / catastrophise about the worst possible outcome... but how often have these terrible results occurred? Even if they have, you're still around now to tell the tale, no?

Overall, you know what you remind me of? You remind me of a nervous diver on a high diving board bracing yourself to make that first jump. You're looking at the distance between you and the water... the people watching you, how much it will impact etc. You know what dude, just jump!

Sorry about the long post!

Shouldn't that be my line? :tongue: