Maybe it is time to stop carrying the burden of your teacher's rebuke, even if it wasn't entirely your fault that this behaviour led to being caught and disciplined. I hope you grow to appreciate yourself more as a special person who is ready for a relationship. As for remaining a virgin at 20, don't brood over that, as even if your traumatic childhood experience had never happened, you STILL may have decided to remain a virgin until 20 or older. Nothing wrong with that. Speak to your friends about your discomfort with affectionate hugs etc. If they truly are friends, they will keep space until you feel ready. I don't know the level of your ability to hug others, if at all. Sometimes owning or taking care of a pet animal first can be a starting point to show friendly affection.