No relationship history

I think you need to know what you want out of life first before anything else. The other consideration is to ask if you are so focussed on yourself and your own needs that you have no time or energy for anyone else. Are you self centred?

You have already answered - you say "If I’m totally honest I wouldn’t even know what I want right now and it wouldn’t be convenient to be in a relationship"

So if it's not convenient for you don't expect to find any pots of gold at the end of the rainbow? You will be giving out vibes that you are not interested or can't be bothered to put any time commitment to someone else and others pick up on these subtle clues?

This seems like you want a relationship like a 'toy' - something you play with and put down and forget? You don't want to give anything back to make a relationship work or to equal the partnership?

If you are having problems with someone liking you and you refuse to acknowledge their response then consider going to your healthcare practitioner and get some talking therapy support?This can help you to explore what is going on for you but the waiting times for help on the NHS are huge. In between go and explore the world. You don't have to have a relationship at all with anyone. Do you have some close friends who support you for who you are and are there for you through the worst? Sometimes over thinking everything and having self imposed 'head rules' in your life can create problems where they don't exist. Allow yourself to believe whatever you want to do is right, go with your instincts and see where you end up? If you like where you have been and what you have been through, repeat. If you don't - work out what happened and why then don't do it again.

Push yourself out into the world to try out every new experience on offer. Explore how you react to challenge, new situations etc Take an interest in other people. So in answer to the relationship - stop looking and run with the world. Life is too short to stop living.