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Girlfriend asking me to delete photos of ex-partner

My girlfriend has asked me to delete photos/memories that I have of my ex-partner. Am I being unreasonable for refusing to do this?

It was randomly brought up in conversation, and I personally don't see a need to do this. She said I should consider this in the future even if not now as she feels uncomfortable. If the photos were on my social media then I'd understand, but she wants me to delete photos that only I have access to.

She is saying that if I don't delete them then I'm still hung up on my ex, which is very much not true at all. I'm over my past relationship and have moved on.
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous #1
My girlfriend has asked me to delete photos/memories that I have of my ex-partner. Am I being unreasonable for refusing to do this?
It was randomly brought up in conversation, and I personally don't see a need to do this. She said I should consider this in the future even if not now as she feels uncomfortable. If the photos were on my social media then I'd understand, but she wants me to delete photos that only I have access to.
She is saying that if I don't delete them then I'm still hung up on my ex, which is very much not true at all. I'm over my past relationship and have moved on.


Id firstly say depends on the kind of photos, and secondly have you tried to have a conversation with her to explain why you’d like to keep them?
Reply 2
Original post by Autumn223
Id firstly say depends on the kind of photos, and secondly have you tried to have a conversation with her to explain why you’d like to keep them?
Just photos of us, and photos from being out and about together. Nothing unusual.

I've said that I don't see any reason to delete them as they are past memories.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous #1
Just photos of us, and photos from being out and about together. Nothing unusual.
I've said that I don't see any reason to delete them as they are past memories.


I’d try explaining that they are memories in a little more detail to her, she may want to know why they still have meaning to you, or what you think of when you see those photos.
I get wanting to keep them for memories (I’m an incredibly sentimental person) but she might not see things the way you are seeing them
Reply 4
Original post by Autumn223
I’d try explaining that they are memories in a little more detail to her, she may want to know why they still have meaning to you, or what you think of when you see those photos.
I get wanting to keep them for memories (I’m an incredibly sentimental person) but she might not see things the way you are seeing them
They don't have meaning as such. They are just there in my photo gallery. To delete them is deleting a huge chunk of past memories in general, which to me doesn't make sense.

I think she comes across as a little insecure. I've said that I don't look at the photos and that I'm not hung up on my ex. She said she feels disrespected that I won't delete them.
Without further context she sounds unreasonable.

I'm still on good terms with a few of my exes, and as much as we've moved on from the relationship I have no need to dramatically eradicate the memories we had, and I certainly wouldn't expect someone else to essentially censor their history for my benefit.

I might not care much about the actual pics, but in the face of something like this I'd likely dig in and be unwilling to indulge the behaviour, if you don't nip it now what's she going to insist or low key accuse you about next?
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous #1
They don't have meaning as such. They are just there in my photo gallery. To delete them is deleting a huge chunk of past memories in general, which to me doesn't make sense.
I think she comes across as a little insecure. I've said that I don't look at the photos and that I'm not hung up on my ex. She said she feels disrespected that I won't delete them.


I guess thats the meaning though? The memory and the time?
To be honest a lot of girls would agree with her, for some people a big part of moving on is deleting photos from past relationships
Reply 7
Original post by StriderHort
Without further context she sounds unreasonable.
I'm still on good terms with a few of my exes, and as much as we've moved on from the relationship I have no need to dramatically eradicate the memories we had, and I certainly wouldn't expect someone else to essentially censor their history for my benefit.
I might not care much about the actual pics, but in the face of something like this I'd likely dig in and be unwilling to indulge the behaviour, if you don't nip it now what's she going to insist or low key accuse you about next?
Yeah if I were friends with my ex I'd understand her reaction a little more. I don't communicate with my ex and have no interest in doing so. We didn't end on good terms.

I don't see why I should need to delete memories (whether positive or negative) that are in my past.
Reply 8
Original post by Autumn223
I guess thats the meaning though? The memory and the time?
To be honest a lot of girls would agree with her, for some people a big part of moving on is deleting photos from past relationships
I guess so. For others it's irrelevant and is an attempt to erase history (which cannot be undone or erased). The past is the past, personally I don't see the reason in dwelling on it.

I don't know how to explain that to her, because I think she will still not like me keeping them.
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous #1
I guess so. For others it's irrelevant and is an attempt to erase history (which cannot be undone or erased). The past is the past, personally I don't see the reason in dwelling on it.
I don't know how to explain that to her, because I think she will still not like me keeping them.


I think the fact you and your ex didn’t end on good terms may be the reason she thinks you are hung up on it?
I think most would keep photos if they were still friends, but when relationships end badly people do on average tend to delete photos
Reply 10
How does your gf know about pics to which only you have access? Has she deleted all her pics and never thinks about exes for a second?

Deleting them isn't going to change the fact that you have an ex and it won't stop you remembering your time together. As above, how far could it go; would it be stuff you bought with your ex, clothes that you wore, not going to the same places, no matter how great they are?

Your gf needed to have found someone who'd always been single if she didn't want a history. They are your photos, you can keep them.
Original post by Anonymous #1
My girlfriend has asked me to delete photos/memories that I have of my ex-partner. Am I being unreasonable for refusing to do this?
It was randomly brought up in conversation, and I personally don't see a need to do this. She said I should consider this in the future even if not now as she feels uncomfortable. If the photos were on my social media then I'd understand, but she wants me to delete photos that only I have access to.
She is saying that if I don't delete them then I'm still hung up on my ex, which is very much not true at all. I'm over my past relationship and have moved on.
Have you told her this last part?
Reply 12
Original post by Surnia
How does your gf know about pics to which only you have access? Has she deleted all her pics and never thinks about exes for a second?
Deleting them isn't going to change the fact that you have an ex and it won't stop you remembering your time together. As above, how far could it go; would it be stuff you bought with your ex, clothes that you wore, not going to the same places, no matter how great they are?
Your gf needed to have found someone who'd always been single if she didn't want a history. They are your photos, you can keep them.
Oh she has already tried to tell me I shouldn't hang out in places where my ex may be nearby.
Reply 13
Original post by tamil fever
Have you told her this last part?
Yes, she doesn't believe me.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Oh she has already tried to tell me I shouldn't hang out in places where my ex may be nearby.
Lol what
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, she doesn't believe me.

If she doesn’t believe you then it’s probably not worth pursuing the relationship with her.
Reply 16
Unless you marry this girlfriend or stay with her for a huge chunk of time, she will be someone whose surname you have to think for a second to recall when you’re fifty. My advice (and I’m pretty old, so have lived a bit of life..) is to have firm boundaries. Explain that one day you’ll be eighty and there are memories that are yours and you want to keep them. Be kind, but be clear. Reassure your girlfriend that they do not impact upon, influence or detract from your time together now.
If she can’t or won’t accept that, I suspect you’ll have bigger problems further down the road.
Don’t accept controlling behaviour from anyone.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Oh she has already tried to tell me I shouldn't hang out in places where my ex may be nearby.


Yeah we're kind of getting beyond 'trying to sensitively understand your insecurities' into 'just who the **** do you think you are?'

She's pretty much calling you a cheat, in intent if not action.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Yes, she doesn't believe me.

At all? From this context alone she sounds dead set in her thinking and if you can't reach a compromise or understanding with your own pictures then I say it's time to drop this relationship. I've read your other replies and she seems insecure, doesn't trust you either and honestly it'll just continue in other situations. And you have to think do you want to deal with this in 3 more years or so.
Reply 19
I don’t think this is reasonable. Memories are important and can have their place even if they’re not relevant for the here and now. People’s past and their memorabilia box are private unless you want to share them, as long as they don’t undermine your current relationship

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