The Student Room Group

My mum wants me to change my uni

I've firmed uni of bath for maths and I'm like 99% sure I'll make the grades and my mum's been fine with this up till now. But recently, I went back to India for a month by myself to visit my grandparents and I've just returned. And my mum's now saying she missed me too much and that she won't be able to survive if i go live so far (I live near london). So she says I should just go to a uni in london instead. Now I absolutely adore my mum and I never want her to feel that way but the best university in London I can get into with clearing is QMUL. There's nothing wrong with that of course but bath is ranked considerably higher for my course and I really like their placement year options so I'd much rather go there. But I also know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her while I was off at bath and she's even had to get some medical checkups done because she lost a lot of weight in the time i was gone. She's the kind of person who never brings it up if she's suffering so if she does say something then I know it's bad.
My parents also said living at home will save me from lots of debt.

Any advice?
It’s your life , it’s your student debt , it’s your choice

Tell you mum ( politely ) to fcuk off
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I've firmed uni of bath for maths and I'm like 99% sure I'll make the grades and my mum's been fine with this up till now. But recently, I went back to India for a month by myself to visit my grandparents and I've just returned. And my mum's now saying she missed me too much and that she won't be able to survive if i go live so far (I live near london). So she says I should just go to a uni in london instead. Now I absolutely adore my mum and I never want her to feel that way but the best university in London I can get into with clearing is QMUL. There's nothing wrong with that of course but bath is ranked considerably higher for my course and I really like their placement year options so I'd much rather go there. But I also know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her while I was off at bath and she's even had to get some medical checkups done because she lost a lot of weight in the time i was gone. She's the kind of person who never brings it up if she's suffering so if she does say something then I know it's bad.
My parents also said living at home will save me from lots of debt.

Any advice?


Bath is brilliant for Maths - I teach Maths - stick with it. You are only a phone call away ...
Original post by Anonymous
I've firmed uni of bath for maths and I'm like 99% sure I'll make the grades and my mum's been fine with this up till now. But recently, I went back to India for a month by myself to visit my grandparents and I've just returned. And my mum's now saying she missed me too much and that she won't be able to survive if i go live so far (I live near london). So she says I should just go to a uni in london instead. Now I absolutely adore my mum and I never want her to feel that way but the best university in London I can get into with clearing is QMUL. There's nothing wrong with that of course but bath is ranked considerably higher for my course and I really like their placement year options so I'd much rather go there. But I also know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her while I was off at bath and she's even had to get some medical checkups done because she lost a lot of weight in the time i was gone. She's the kind of person who never brings it up if she's suffering so if she does say something then I know it's bad.
My parents also said living at home will save me from lots of debt.

Any advice?

Tell her you'll be going to uni in Bath, and that if she wants to rent a flat nearby so she can see you more often she's welcome to do so.
(edited 8 months ago)
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I've firmed uni of bath for maths and I'm like 99% sure I'll make the grades and my mum's been fine with this up till now. But recently, I went back to India for a month by myself to visit my grandparents and I've just returned. And my mum's now saying she missed me too much and that she won't be able to survive if i go live so far (I live near london). So she says I should just go to a uni in london instead. Now I absolutely adore my mum and I never want her to feel that way but the best university in London I can get into with clearing is QMUL. There's nothing wrong with that of course but bath is ranked considerably higher for my course and I really like their placement year options so I'd much rather go there. But I also know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her while I was off at bath and she's even had to get some medical checkups done because she lost a lot of weight in the time i was gone. She's the kind of person who never brings it up if she's suffering so if she does say something then I know it's bad.
My parents also said living at home will save me from lots of debt.

Any advice?

Its your life, and you do the best for you. Its all too good to please the parents, but to what cost to you mentally? There is facetime as well and you can go back and visit half way through term. You can even pose it to them that it will be lovely for them to have a long weekend in Bath and a nice break for them.
Original post by Anonymous
I've firmed uni of bath for maths and I'm like 99% sure I'll make the grades and my mum's been fine with this up till now. But recently, I went back to India for a month by myself to visit my grandparents and I've just returned. And my mum's now saying she missed me too much and that she won't be able to survive if i go live so far (I live near london). So she says I should just go to a uni in london instead. Now I absolutely adore my mum and I never want her to feel that way but the best university in London I can get into with clearing is QMUL. There's nothing wrong with that of course but bath is ranked considerably higher for my course and I really like their placement year options so I'd much rather go there. But I also know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her while I was off at bath and she's even had to get some medical checkups done because she lost a lot of weight in the time i was gone. She's the kind of person who never brings it up if she's suffering so if she does say something then I know it's bad.
My parents also said living at home will save me from lots of debt.

Any advice?


Putting it nicely I think you're Mum is massively overreacting. Bath is only 2 and a bit hours from London and isn't hard to visit for a day trip if your family wants to visit :hugs:If you can teach your parents how to be confident with video calling if they're not already, that might put your mind more at ease :smile:
I'm nearby at bristol uni : there is a train and coach from London; the train is just over an hour to bath. as an only child who went through a similar thing, moving away seems to be as beneficial to the parents as it does to yourself...my parents have learned to fall in love with bristol and I'm sure your mum can do the same with bath.
Original post by Anonymous
I've firmed uni of bath for maths and I'm like 99% sure I'll make the grades and my mum's been fine with this up till now. But recently, I went back to India for a month by myself to visit my grandparents and I've just returned. And my mum's now saying she missed me too much and that she won't be able to survive if i go live so far (I live near london). So she says I should just go to a uni in london instead. Now I absolutely adore my mum and I never want her to feel that way but the best university in London I can get into with clearing is QMUL. There's nothing wrong with that of course but bath is ranked considerably higher for my course and I really like their placement year options so I'd much rather go there. But I also know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her while I was off at bath and she's even had to get some medical checkups done because she lost a lot of weight in the time i was gone. She's the kind of person who never brings it up if she's suffering so if she does say something then I know it's bad.
My parents also said living at home will save me from lots of debt.

Any advice?

I think you need to explain to your mother how this decision will affect the course of your future…. Yes she is probably overreacting but just sit and explain to her
Why would you do this to yourself? Because your mum doesn't want to accept the simple fact of life that we all leave the nest? Go to Bath. It's your life, not your mum's. Explain it to your mum, don't let her hold you back.
Reply 9
Bath isn't far away from London... I'm sure you and your mum could visit each other
Tell her it's not like India you are in England you can visit every weekend if you wan to or she can come see you and it's only 30 weeks a year she'll see you in the breaks and you an face time or Whats app I know it'll be hard for her and it's hard for you but you need to be a bit selfish here and do what is best for you.
Reply 11
Thanks everyone!
I've talked to her and she feels better about it now so I will be going there in September (fingers crossed for next thursday).
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks everyone!
I've talked to her and she feels better about it now so I will be going there in September (fingers crossed for next thursday).


good luck.
congrats for getting in.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks everyone!
I've talked to her and she feels better about it now so I will be going there in September (fingers crossed for next thursday).


Thats great news :smile: a little independence will do you good. Showing your mum you can do this, live cook clean and manage your finances and study will put her mind at rest and she will feel much better when you do branch out into the working world. Im a mum myself and my daughter is in year 4 of uni and at first I was a little worried in year 1, but by end of first term I could she was thriving at uni and need to to worry at all :smile:
(edited 8 months ago)

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