I can’t stop thinking about a guy I met while abroad, but I’m in a relationship…

I can’t stop thinking about a guy I met abroad but I’m in a relationship…

In a relationship but I can’t stop thinking about a guy I met abroad…

Ok so for some context…

I’ve (F21) recently just returned to the UK from a summer in the US gaining work experience at a corporate company. Me and some others got this opportunity through an all inclusive scholarship from our home universities, so for the summer we all lived together, travelled together and some of us even worked together. It’s been one of the best summers of my life and I constantly think about how lucky I am to have been given this opportunity.

There was a lot of drama throughout the summer but for the most part I was uninvolved. During my second last week in the US my flatmates’ colleagues decided to throw them a leaving party which I was hesitant on attending, mostly because I was tired and couldn’t be bothered making the journey downtown from our neighbourhood. After thinking about how this will likely be my last party in the US and “you never know who you meet” at these things, I decided to go. I had already met most of the people there through previous parties but my flatmates introduced me to some more of their colleagues. One guy I was introduced to I realised I got along with really well, let’s call him jack (M22). We talked together for most of the night and my first impressions of him were that he was funny, intelligent and fun to be around. He had also studied abroad in my home country so we had a lot to talk about in that aspect. Anyways at the end of the night, we got talking about our plans for the following week and I let him know that I was most likely going to be at home after work since all my flatmates had finished their placements a week before me and we’re leaving the state/country. He suggested that we go to a popular park and join his friends for a jeopardy night. I was a little hesitant because I wasn’t sure what this guys intentions were but since he didn’t directly label it a date, I thought innocently of it and agreed. He was good company after all and I didn’t think anything would come of it since I was leaving the following week and he was aware of that. We had a really good conversation and as I thought it was mostly innocent but then he started to get a little flirty calling me cute, saying he was glad he came to the party since I was there etc.

Before my flatmates left I discussed it with them and they said he had a pretty flirty personality and he was like that with a lot of people so that’s why I decided to meet him still. They said there was no need to tell my bf about meeting him unless jack was to insinuate something…so I didn’t.

Anyways back to the story, he got a little flirty and I wasn’t sure whether this was his personality coming through or whether this was a serious attempt at flirting so I stayed quiet and tried not to engage with it. At the jeopardy night I could notice him looking at me a lot so I knew by then that there was a high chance he liked liked me. I was starting to feel a bit guilty at this point so I decided to leave, I told jack and he insisted on walking me out the door to fetch an Uber. Ubers were ridiculously expensive that night so I said I’d get transport and he offered for me to crash at his. He then started talking about how good of a day he’s had with me etc etc and he asked if he could kiss me. I politely declined and he took it really well bless him and then made my way home. Jack texted me as I was going home and I explained to him that I was in a relationship back home and that I didn’t tell him sooner because I didn’t think this was a date. Again, he took it really well and said he was happy for us to be friends/have platonic interactions so that was that.

At this point I was doing a lot of reflection. I’ve been with my bf (M21) for over 2 years now and I love him very much of course. Though all I’ve ever known is our relationship - in those 2 years I saw my bf very often and we did EVERYTHING together since we attend the same uni and are studying the same degree, but after my time in the US, I’ve realised that I’ve missed out on making friendships, meeting new people and just generally existing as my own person. As hard as it is for me to admit and as terrible as I feel, I’m realising that part of me liked Jack in that way too. Though I’d never cheat on my bf and I know how sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side.

I decided I still wanted to be friends with Jack so a couple of days later we met up again for a coffee. I wondered if there would be a difference to how he acted with me now since he knows I have a bf. But it was actually pretty similar to the last time - we still had the chemistry we had from the very first time we met at the party - whether it was friendship chemistry or romantic chemistry I’m not sure, but nonetheless it was undeniable. He didn’t call me cute this time or ask to kiss me, I would say it was very much platonic. Though I enjoyed his company.

2 days before I left the US for the UK we met one more time. It was really fun and once again the platonic chemistry was there. We grabbed some food, went to a jazz bar and then went to the esplanade and just lay out by the water talking about life. We stayed out talking a bit too late and I couldn’t get public transport home as it had stopped for the night so I went back to his and got an Uber from there. I knew this was the last time I’d see him so I gave him some souvenirs from my home country, we added eachother on social media and then I hugged him goodbye.

Ever since then I’m finding myself thinking about him more than I should. Looking at his profile reading through our texts. He was a great guy and I enjoyed spending time with him, even though it was brief. That being said I’m in a long term relationship and I feel awful for having these thoughts because I love my bf and we’ve been through a lot to build what we have now. I’m not considering throwing away our relationship over a guy who I met for two weeks but it’s just making me wonder why Jack and I’s paths crossed in the way that it did.