For the longest time I have been at High School and Sixth Form, I only ever related to those individuals that got the highest grades in their subjects, and were incredibly intelligent in most areas. To this extent, I saw myself as somewhat equal to them, especially given they were my best friends.
That said, I don't know if I can find a similar bunch at my current university. Both of these individuals went off to Oxbridge, as did another old friend of mine from a different country, whereas I did not. Indeed, of the 5 universities I applied to to study Economics, I only got into one of them; my insurance choice, my last choice, the one I wanted to go to the least and the one I referred to in a joking manner before my rejections from the other universities started to come in.
Personally, I blame my personal statement, as that is what one of the universities cited as their reason for a December rejection, which hurts me greatly as I worked quite hard on it with both my teachers and friends - with even those getting into their top choice of uni thinking my personal statement was somehow better. In retrospect, in an attempt to tick all the boxes prescribed, I suppose it came across as artificial.
I despise how I am talking of this now, as the uni I am at is quite decent in terms of research - indeed, my favourite economist studied here. But still, I cannot avoid the fact that most people here are unrelatable to me. I've gotten to the point where on the first few days here I've already begun considering dropping out to try for a different university next year, or just transferring to a "better" uni if I get the chance. Such considerations make me quite sad. The jokes I tell my friends that "my second home will be at Oxbridge" as I will travel down there frequently are likely just some crude coping mechanism I've designed for myself
I really do apologise if I came across as narcissistic in this post. That was never my intention, and I recognise that I do not "deserve" to go to any university. But I cannot shake the feeling that this university isn't for me, with its cohort being out of my grasp. I'm sure I will find some who I can relate to, but it still feels unlikely.
I appreciate any advice/discussion, thank you.