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I'm afraid that I can't relate to my peers at my university

For the longest time I have been at High School and Sixth Form, I only ever related to those individuals that got the highest grades in their subjects, and were incredibly intelligent in most areas. To this extent, I saw myself as somewhat equal to them, especially given they were my best friends.

That said, I don't know if I can find a similar bunch at my current university. Both of these individuals went off to Oxbridge, as did another old friend of mine from a different country, whereas I did not. Indeed, of the 5 universities I applied to to study Economics, I only got into one of them; my insurance choice, my last choice, the one I wanted to go to the least and the one I referred to in a joking manner before my rejections from the other universities started to come in.

Personally, I blame my personal statement, as that is what one of the universities cited as their reason for a December rejection, which hurts me greatly as I worked quite hard on it with both my teachers and friends - with even those getting into their top choice of uni thinking my personal statement was somehow better. In retrospect, in an attempt to tick all the boxes prescribed, I suppose it came across as artificial.

I despise how I am talking of this now, as the uni I am at is quite decent in terms of research - indeed, my favourite economist studied here. But still, I cannot avoid the fact that most people here are unrelatable to me. I've gotten to the point where on the first few days here I've already begun considering dropping out to try for a different university next year, or just transferring to a "better" uni if I get the chance. Such considerations make me quite sad. The jokes I tell my friends that "my second home will be at Oxbridge" as I will travel down there frequently are likely just some crude coping mechanism I've designed for myself

I really do apologise if I came across as narcissistic in this post. That was never my intention, and I recognise that I do not "deserve" to go to any university. But I cannot shake the feeling that this university isn't for me, with its cohort being out of my grasp. I'm sure I will find some who I can relate to, but it still feels unlikely.

I appreciate any advice/discussion, thank you.
(edited 5 months ago)
It truly is a gut-wrenching feeling to not achieve something, especially when you have worked hard and done your best to achieve it, as you describe. It can take time to adjust to that disappointment, and work out where to go and what to do next.

I would suggest holding out, and seeing how things go at your current university. As fantastical as it may seem, I do believe that everything happens for a reason even if that reason is not yet clear.

Have you tried having discussions with other students at your university; seeing if they have had similar experiences?

I feel it is a case of trying to make the best of the situation, and seeing how things go from there.

I hope this helps in some way.
Original post by Hensin
For the longest time I have been at High School and Sixth Form, I only ever related to those individuals that got the highest grades in their subjects, and were incredibly intelligent in most areas. To this extent, I saw myself as somewhat equal to them, especially given they were my best friends.

That said, I don't know if I can find a similar bunch at my current university. Both of these individuals went off to Oxbridge, as did another old friend of mine from a different country, whereas I did not. Indeed, of the 5 universities I applied to to study Economics, I only got into one of them; my insurance choice, my last choice, the one I wanted to go to the least and the one I referred to in a joking manner before my rejections from the other universities started to come in.

Personally, I blame my personal statement, as that is what one of the universities cited as their reason for a December rejection, which hurts me greatly as I worked quite hard on it with both my teachers and friends - with even those getting into their top choice of uni thinking my personal statement was somehow better. In retrospect, in an attempt to tick all the boxes prescribed, I suppose it came across as artificial.

I despise how I am talking of this now, as the uni I am at is quite decent in terms of research - indeed, my favourite economist studied here. But still, I cannot avoid the fact that most people here are unrelatable to me. I've gotten to the point where on the first few days here I've already begun considering dropping out to try for a different university next year, or just transferring to a "better" uni if I get the chance. Such considerations make me quite sad. The jokes I tell my friends that "my second home will be at Oxbridge" as I will travel down there frequently are likely just some crude coping mechanism I've designed for myself

I really do apologise if I came across as narcissistic in this post. That was never my intention, and I recognise that I do not "deserve" to go to any university. But I cannot shake the feeling that this university isn't for me, with its cohort being out of my grasp. I'm sure I will find some who I can relate to, but it still feels unlikely.

I appreciate any advice/discussion, thank you.

@Hensin

From your post it sounds like you are at a good university and studying a competitive subject. This leads me to believe that there will be clever individuals in your class who will rival you for top marks and results in exams and assignments. They may or may not have applied to Oxbridge, but there are plenty of clever people who do not go to Oxford or Cambridge.

It's unfortunate that your friends are at Oxbridge and that you are not able to be there with them, but it sounds like your friendship remains. They haven't gone to Oxbridge and then decided to dump you as a friend, so they sound like good people : ), be thankful for that, but try to focus on your university. It might not be helpful to always be travelling down to seem them. Make sure you invite them to see your university and to meet your friends. They will likely think that there are lots of things that are great about your uni and will also be able to tell you about the things that are not so great at Oxbridge.

Be as successful as you can at your university. If you are capable of a first, go get it! If you are capable of a 2:1, then go get it! Don't let the university you attend affect your academic success.

Finally give people a chance! They might have different interests, but you can learn from them. You might also have more common with them than you think. Be open to getting to know new people. It might surprise you the range, diversity and richness of the friendships you make : )

All the best!

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
What exactly do you mean by people at your uni are unrelatable to you?? Are you referring to their intelligence here given you said that you related well to your sixth form friends because of their smarts.
Reply 4
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
What exactly do you mean by people at your uni are unrelatable to you?? Are you referring to their intelligence here given you said that you related well to your sixth form friends because of their smarts.


I suppose I am, yes. My friends and I were always knowledgeable in all sorts of areas, be it news, politics, history especially.

I can guarantee you without a shadow of a doubt that those around me now at this university know more than me in plenty of fields, but as I talk to them more I get the notion that I don't really fit in. Again, I apologise if my post came across in a negative way, I don't want to sound narcissistic at all

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