The Student Room Group

No friends first term in uni

I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.
Reply 1
Hi I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

There are lots of way to make friends at university. You have said you are shy. But that’s okay everyone is different!

If you are in student accom - is there a social place where you could hang out in? or strike up convo with people in your flat. Or ask for a flat night in or out. You have mentioned you have made a friend already, ask them if you can hang out with them.

Lectures and seminars are great for making friends. If you are waiting around outside of a lecture or waiting for it to start just strike up a conversation about the course - could be something like ‘how did you find the reading?’.

The best way I think to make friends is to join a club or society as that’s what they are there for.

Sometimes university unions hold events for students to go to. Double check your union page.

Alternatively join a student group chat you can find them on Facebook or join a course group chat. These are great ways of making friends :smile:
Reply 2
Original post by Titch1781
Hi I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

There are lots of way to make friends at university. You have said you are shy. But that’s okay everyone is different!

If you are in student accom - is there a social place where you could hang out in? or strike up convo with people in your flat. Or ask for a flat night in or out. You have mentioned you have made a friend already, ask them if you can hang out with them.

Lectures and seminars are great for making friends. If you are waiting around outside of a lecture or waiting for it to start just strike up a conversation about the course - could be something like ‘how did you find the reading?’.

The best way I think to make friends is to join a club or society as that’s what they are there for.

Sometimes university unions hold events for students to go to. Double check your union page.

Alternatively join a student group chat you can find them on Facebook or join a course group chat. These are great ways of making friends :smile:

Thank you for the tips 😭 I think my struggle with feeling like everyone is judging me so I find it hard to maintain a conversation with people but I’m gonna try harder
Original post by Anonymous
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hey!

I found it difficult to make friends when I was a student, I'm very shy and anxious so I can relate. It's great to hear that you have made one friend though! This friend may introduce you to their other friends, so I'd definitely make the effort with them and plan some fun things to do.

Although no societies have caught your eye, could you look into any other opportunities like volunteering or becoming a student ambassador as ways of meeting new people? You could always create your own society too!

I think following course mates on social and initiate small interactions like replying to their stories, liking their photos, then in person you could ask about the work, or what TV show their currently watching etc. I know I find small take easier when it's something I genuinely love and can talk endlessly about (definitely tv shows for me haha).

Good luck!! I hope you make some great friends soon, I'm sure you will :smile:

Becky
Original post by Anonymous
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hi there,
I'm sorry that you feel like this but you shouldn't feel alone. I think that university can be naturally quite an isolating experience if you're not a heavy drinker or super social. It might take time to meet the right people and it's presumably your first time living alone, which will only add to it. My advice would be to try to not put too much pressure on yourself, do things that you enjoy and you might find yourself meeting your people. If not, at least you've had a good time.

I'm sorry that I can't help more.

All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Original post by Anonymous
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hi there

I am sorry to hear that you are upset.

Whilst it may seem like everyone has found their groups at University already, this is not true. Many students will be in the same position as you. I can relate to this too, as I am a naturally shy and introverted person. November during my first year at University was quite an upsetting time for me too, but I was lucky to find friends afterwards by trying out different events. :smile:

It is good that you are thinking of putting yourself out there, and I would really recommend stepping out of your comfort zone. This could mean societies, socials or events that your student union hosts, support groups from the wellbeing team, or it could just be starting a conversation with students in the same class as you. (I was reluctant to join societies soon, since most of them did not interest me too much and it was intimidating to go on my own) but still if you can, then do give it a try~ I enjoyed societies that were related to art & crafts as the environment was more enjoyable for me. Find out what you are interested in, and start speaking to others. I am sure you will be able to meet some friends soon.

Another thing that you could try is reaching out to the support and wellbeing team. They may be able to offer you some advice, and I believe they host their own group events too.

I hope this helps.
Chloe
University of Kent Student Rep
(edited 3 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. Starting in university can be incredibly daunting, especially the whole making new friends situation.

I would say not to put too much pressure on yourself! The friendships that last are the ones that happen naturally and simple things like saying hello to the person sitting next to you in a lecture can open up the opportunity to make a new friend.

If you live in student accommodation, I would try and make conversation with your flatmates at meal times to see if you have anything in common.

Making friends can be really tricky but it will happen, it just may take some time so try not to be too hard on yourself and make little opportunities to get to know others.

I hope this is of some assistance,

Mary
London South Bank University Student Rep (3rd-year Children's Nursing)
Original post by Anonymous
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hi there!

I’m sorry to hear your first term hasn’t gone the way you had hoped. Making friends can often take time so don’t give up! Joining societies is a great way to meet new people at university, but it's not the only way. Here are a few other examples for making friends:

Attend social events: Keep an eye out for social events organised by your university, such as orientation parties, welcome events, or campus gatherings. These events often provide opportunities to mingle and meet new people.

Study groups: Join or form study groups within your courses. Collaborating with classmates on assignments or studying together can help you build relationships with your peers.

Participate in class discussions: Engage actively in class discussions and group activities. This can create opportunities to connect with fellow students who share similar academic interests.

Join part-time jobs or internships: Working on-campus or taking up internships can help you meet other students with similar job responsibilities or career aspirations.

Remember, to be open, approachable, and willing to initiate conversations. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and try new things!

Wishing you all the best,
Ellie
What university?
Original post by Anonymous #1
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hi! I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling to make friends ☹️ It can be really discouraging to be someone new in the first place, and to experience loneliness with it can just add to that. If it helps, it is a really common experience both for shy people and extroverted people.

It can be hard to start conversations with new people, but just something easy like asked your lecture peers about how they’re finding the lectures, assessments or the lecturers etc., could give you a good starting point to bounce off of and talk about other aspects of your lives like where you’re from, what life there was like for you, how you’re finding the transition and more.

Joining clubs and societies is also daunting, especially if none stand out to you at first, but it could be a really good opportunity to experiment. Step out of your comfort zone a little and try something new! You could learn something about yourself that you didn’t know before 🙂

Finally, some people just don’t make their lifelong friends at uni. It’s a stereotype for university, for sure, but sometimes it just isn’t true and you might meet your friends in a shopping centre or a baking class or at work or something totally different than university. Try not to get too discouraged by not having many friends either, one or two amazing friends is better than many ‘okay’ friends.

I hope this helps! 🙂

Estelle
Third Year Psychology
University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous #1
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hi anonymous,

Sorry to hear you have been feeling like this. I also felt like this in my first year of university and it can be really hard seeing everybody else making friends when you feel like you aren't.

Don't worry about seeing other people make friends, a lot of the time the first people you make friends with aren't going to be around for the whole time you are at uni and it can take a while to find your friends who you will spend lots of time with. I didn't find my group of friends until after Christmas in first year.
It's easy to say get yourself out there but it can be really hard actually doing it- I found the same and spent a lot of time in my room but it really is a good idea to try and get out and see people. I'm not sure if you attend most of your lectures and seminars but this is also a good way to try and make friends as you know that they at least have one common interest with you. I think a lot of universities do something called a 'refreshers' fair after Christmas which is essentially like freshers fairs and you may be able to find something you enjoy there. There are also lots of societies which usually put on free trial sessions so it may be worth just going to a few of these and seeing if you enjoy them as it's no money wasted if you don't. I understand it can be daunting going to these things on your own but so many more people than you think are in the same position.

As others have suggested, looking on Facebook is a good idea to see if there's people in your city in the same situation as you. Or you could post how you are feeling and you might be surprised at the amount of people who feel the same. Or on other platforms like instagram, or snapchat have groups now for different universities which you could join.

Another suggestion is find out whether your accommodation puts on any social events as it may be worth going along to these with the friend you have made and see if you find anyone else to be friends with.

Hope you find this useful and let me know If there's anything else I can help with.
Lucy- SHU student ambassador
Original post by Anonymous #1
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.


Hi there!

Moving to university can be a really difficult time for some people so please don't think that you're alone in this!

Trying to make casual conversation with the people in your lectures can be a good way to start to build some friendships without it feeling too forced! Try smiling and saying hi to people and you'd be surprised at how far you get!

You said you had made friends with someone in your flat, maybe try seeing if they want to go and do an activity (like pub quiz) together and quite often you'll meet more of their friends! I found I've met some of my best friends through other friends!

Finally, I've met some of my good friends through work as it's something shared so if you have a job, don't discount this as being a good way to meet people!

I hope this helps,
Rebecca
Original post by Anonymous #1
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hey there,

I understand how challenging it can be to navigate social situations in university, especially when you're naturally quiet and shy. It's still early in the first term, so there's plenty of time to meet new people and find your place. While joining societies may not be appealing to you right now, consider exploring other opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals, such as attending campus events or participating in study groups. Remember, building relationships takes time and it's important to be patient with yourself.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out.

You're not alone in this journey.

Take care,
Ilya
Original post by Anonymous #1
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

First of all, always remember every person is different. And it’s completely ok if you are shy, you still managed to make a connection out of your roommate. Believe me you are doing great. If you wanna gel up with someone you can always invite him/her for coffee. First observe and then decide. Also your housing must have a common room, go there and take baby steps into conversations. It can be about a movie/ book/ anything. Doesn’t matter. Make that initial effort and be your true self.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I came to uni thinking I would find people I could vibe with and chill with I’ve never had much friends in general but I thought uni would be different and I was wrong I know I’m partially to blame because I’m also a naturally quiet and shy person but I feel like everyone has found their groups and it’s only November still the first term of uni and I’m just on my own I don’t know what to do I don’t really wanna join societies none of them really catches my eye this is just a rant I know I should put my self out there more but when I try to talk to people it feels like I’m begging it and not authentic it’s just so depressing and often times I find my self hiding in my room because I have no one really to go to I’ve made one friend in my accommodation and that’s it.

Hi there,

I am sorry you are feeling this way.

I know for me, clubs and societies were the best way to make friends. I know you have said you don't want to join them and none of them catch your eye but I think that if you could find one which you might like it would be really beneficial to you.
Also lectures and seminars are good places to meet people on your course- you will likely find that alot of them are similar to you.

I hope this helps,
Ellen
Uni of Sunderland

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