I don't feel good enough
Hey, I need advice, please.
I'm thirteen, I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like a failure and won't succeed in life. I used to be known for being smart, but now everyone doesn't say anything anymore and I feel like I am not as good/smart as before.
I think people praised me too much for my accomplishments, and they have suddenly forgotten about me.
I am trying to do well in school, but people don't care as much about me, and I'm thinking that maybe I'm not as good as I was before. I have doubts. I tried talking to people about it, but they said: 'Work harder! Get out of the shadows, and do everything you can to be on top.'
Am I not good enough? Was I better when I was younger? Am I just someone that used to be smart and pretty?
I feel like people don't care about me anymore. The only thing they cared about was when I helped them in tests, or when I won prizes. I feel like I don't have a value. I am living this kind of reputation that exhausts me. I always have to be on top, I always am disappointed...
So many boys used to have crushes on me, and now when they look at me it's like I'm invisible!
At this point, I don't know what else to say. I'm tired. I'm not the pretty and smart girl anymore, I don't get the boy. I'm a failure.
I'm thirteen, I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like a failure and won't succeed in life. I used to be known for being smart, but now everyone doesn't say anything anymore and I feel like I am not as good/smart as before.
I think people praised me too much for my accomplishments, and they have suddenly forgotten about me.
I am trying to do well in school, but people don't care as much about me, and I'm thinking that maybe I'm not as good as I was before. I have doubts. I tried talking to people about it, but they said: 'Work harder! Get out of the shadows, and do everything you can to be on top.'
Am I not good enough? Was I better when I was younger? Am I just someone that used to be smart and pretty?
I feel like people don't care about me anymore. The only thing they cared about was when I helped them in tests, or when I won prizes. I feel like I don't have a value. I am living this kind of reputation that exhausts me. I always have to be on top, I always am disappointed...
So many boys used to have crushes on me, and now when they look at me it's like I'm invisible!
At this point, I don't know what else to say. I'm tired. I'm not the pretty and smart girl anymore, I don't get the boy. I'm a failure.
(edited 7 months ago)
I will tell you I am a junior in high school and I felt the same way u do……but to tell you the truth is does not matter what other people think of you…..just how you think of yourself….if the other boys don’t like you anymore then it is there problem they are probably missing out on something that could make them happy just try and make yourself happy….
Original post by tater tot
I will tell you I am a junior in high school and I felt the same way u do……but to tell you the truth is does not matter what other people think of you…..just how you think of yourself….if the other boys don’t like you anymore then it is there problem they are probably missing out on something that could make them happy just try and make yourself happy….
And how do I make myself truly happy...? I haven't experience that in a long time. I think I am a failure...
thanks for the answer
(edited 7 months ago)
The education system that we have in the UK, and in most of the world, is based on the Prussian Education System. The Prussian System was created at a time when Prussia wanted more soldiers, factory workers and civil servants. As an education system it's a good one for moulding people into those roles.
There's a lot of social conditioning when it comes to education. Be a good girl. Toe the line. Do what you're told. Do the best you can. And in time you'll be rewarded.
However, in 2023 in the UK, it all depends as to what sort of person you want to be as an adult as to how well the education system will serve you.
For you, it sounds like you've previously had a good self esteem and that now you're going through a bit of a crisis in this area?
Do you have the fire in your belly and the ambition to have a great life?
What's better for you? Sitting in the middle of the herd? Or you going your own way?
It sounds like you may be working out for yourself that it's time for you to start rebelling against a lot of the conditioning that other people have been putting on you.
A silent, secret rebellion is fine. One where you use that amazing brain that you have to work things out for yourself. And where you question the status quo.
A few practical things that you could and should do.
School. Be less perfectionist about it. By all means when you're there try to be professional and absorb what you can. But when you're awake and outside of school - ideally - you should now be doing what you can to prepare yourself for adult life. This is something that very few 13 year olds do. Looking back on my teenaged years, the best things that I did at that time were things like learning how to food shop and do basic cooking (forced on me, but with hindsight I'm delighted it was forced on me).
The most important things for you to learn now are:
1 how to maximise your chances of staying in good health. With good reserves of strength and stamina.
2 social skills. Including woman to man social skills.
3 Money earning and money handling. As well as how to take action in efficient and effective ways. Not being a perfectionist. Not procrastinating.
Start focusing on those 3 and your self esteem will take care of itself.
You can flunk your GCSE's and A levels and fail to get a single boyfriend at school, but as long as you've focused on the above 3, you'll have a huge advantage over everyone else in your year at school in all the important aspects of your adult life.
Let other people in your school compete over all the things they compete over.
The main yardsticks that you should be measuring yourself against is are you getting better than you used to be at 3 key things: health, social skills, money? Those are things you should be grading yourself on. Not stuff like how well you did in an English Lit exam.
You could regard your life right now as your own personal role playing game. Where the idea is that you're aiming to have a high score in Constitution, Wisdom and Charisma for when you start playing the game properly at the age of 18 when you will have complete freedom. And that at the age of 18 you're looking to be a 10th level character in terms of your skills and abilities, instead of you being a 1st level.
And also, like a role playing game, it should be fun levelling up. And your failures don't matter. You just reset and go again.
Another key thing that you're learning now is to not live for the approval of others. Live for your own approval.
So so what if you don't get praise, or you get criticised by parents, peers, teachers? **** 'em!!!
It's 2023. There's far better alternatives to becoming a good soldier, factory worker, civil servant type.
There's a lot of social conditioning when it comes to education. Be a good girl. Toe the line. Do what you're told. Do the best you can. And in time you'll be rewarded.
However, in 2023 in the UK, it all depends as to what sort of person you want to be as an adult as to how well the education system will serve you.
For you, it sounds like you've previously had a good self esteem and that now you're going through a bit of a crisis in this area?
Do you have the fire in your belly and the ambition to have a great life?
What's better for you? Sitting in the middle of the herd? Or you going your own way?
It sounds like you may be working out for yourself that it's time for you to start rebelling against a lot of the conditioning that other people have been putting on you.
A silent, secret rebellion is fine. One where you use that amazing brain that you have to work things out for yourself. And where you question the status quo.
A few practical things that you could and should do.
School. Be less perfectionist about it. By all means when you're there try to be professional and absorb what you can. But when you're awake and outside of school - ideally - you should now be doing what you can to prepare yourself for adult life. This is something that very few 13 year olds do. Looking back on my teenaged years, the best things that I did at that time were things like learning how to food shop and do basic cooking (forced on me, but with hindsight I'm delighted it was forced on me).
The most important things for you to learn now are:
1 how to maximise your chances of staying in good health. With good reserves of strength and stamina.
2 social skills. Including woman to man social skills.
3 Money earning and money handling. As well as how to take action in efficient and effective ways. Not being a perfectionist. Not procrastinating.
Start focusing on those 3 and your self esteem will take care of itself.
You can flunk your GCSE's and A levels and fail to get a single boyfriend at school, but as long as you've focused on the above 3, you'll have a huge advantage over everyone else in your year at school in all the important aspects of your adult life.
Let other people in your school compete over all the things they compete over.
The main yardsticks that you should be measuring yourself against is are you getting better than you used to be at 3 key things: health, social skills, money? Those are things you should be grading yourself on. Not stuff like how well you did in an English Lit exam.
You could regard your life right now as your own personal role playing game. Where the idea is that you're aiming to have a high score in Constitution, Wisdom and Charisma for when you start playing the game properly at the age of 18 when you will have complete freedom. And that at the age of 18 you're looking to be a 10th level character in terms of your skills and abilities, instead of you being a 1st level.
And also, like a role playing game, it should be fun levelling up. And your failures don't matter. You just reset and go again.
Another key thing that you're learning now is to not live for the approval of others. Live for your own approval.
So so what if you don't get praise, or you get criticised by parents, peers, teachers? **** 'em!!!
It's 2023. There's far better alternatives to becoming a good soldier, factory worker, civil servant type.
Original post by deliascutaru
And how do I make myself truly happy...? I haven't experience that in a long time. I think I am a failure...
thanks for the answer
thanks for the answer
just try to do what you can
Hey, thanks for all the answers! Honestly, I feel better now. I realised what's important, and learnt how to appreciate every single thing in my life. Thanks for the advice!
Original post by deliascutaru
Hey, I need advice, please.
I'm thirteen, I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like a failure and won't succeed in life. I used to be known for being smart, but now everyone doesn't say anything anymore and I feel like I am not as good/smart as before.
I think people praised me too much for my accomplishments, and they have suddenly forgotten about me.
I am trying to do well in school, but people don't care as much about me, and I'm thinking that maybe I'm not as good as I was before. I have doubts. I tried talking to people about it, but they said: 'Work harder! Get out of the shadows, and do everything you can to be on top.'
Am I not good enough? Was I better when I was younger? Am I just someone that used to be smart and pretty?
I feel like people don't care about me anymore. The only thing they cared about was when I helped them in tests, or when I won prizes. I feel like I don't have a value. I am living this kind of reputation that exhausts me. I always have to be on top, I always am disappointed...
So many boys used to have crushes on me, and now when they look at me it's like I'm invisible!
At this point, I don't know what else to say. I'm tired. I'm not the pretty and smart girl anymore, I don't get the boy. I'm a failure.
I'm thirteen, I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like a failure and won't succeed in life. I used to be known for being smart, but now everyone doesn't say anything anymore and I feel like I am not as good/smart as before.
I think people praised me too much for my accomplishments, and they have suddenly forgotten about me.
I am trying to do well in school, but people don't care as much about me, and I'm thinking that maybe I'm not as good as I was before. I have doubts. I tried talking to people about it, but they said: 'Work harder! Get out of the shadows, and do everything you can to be on top.'
Am I not good enough? Was I better when I was younger? Am I just someone that used to be smart and pretty?
I feel like people don't care about me anymore. The only thing they cared about was when I helped them in tests, or when I won prizes. I feel like I don't have a value. I am living this kind of reputation that exhausts me. I always have to be on top, I always am disappointed...
So many boys used to have crushes on me, and now when they look at me it's like I'm invisible!
At this point, I don't know what else to say. I'm tired. I'm not the pretty and smart girl anymore, I don't get the boy. I'm a failure.
Did you put on weight?
Original post by Anonymous #1
Did you put on weight?
What do you mean ?
Please allow me to use a quote from Buddha to illustrate my point
'It is perfectly fine if you do not like me, not everyone has good taste.'
'It is perfectly fine if you do not like me, not everyone has good taste.'
Quick Reply
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