Am I too late to date?

I'm 25 and haven't had a girlfriend since breaking up with my ex at the age of 17. I've been through the whole college and university experience single, partly because I felt I needed to focus on my studies but also because I struggle with social anxiety and a massive fear of rejection. I've felt like I don't want to put myself out there unless I'm the perfect version of myself, so focused on getting a job, going to the gym and starting driving. Unfortunately for me all those things took longer for me to achieve than the typical person, so while I now have those things, I'm still way behind most people in my age group when it comes to life experience.

I read information online saying that dating becomes harder the older you get, but for me with my additional social anxiety it's always been more difficult, therefore I believe it will get easier with more life experience. The idea of having a life partner who is compatible with my personality and goals would be just wonderful. It burns a hole in your soul seeing happy couples out in public and on TV shows when you're not in that situation yourself, and for me, finding the right partner would fill that in.

My worry is that I've completely missed the boat, since most people say that your uni years are the best for forming relationships. I'm 25 now but still feel mentally like an 18-21 year old since I'm still a virgin and haven't progressed much with other aspects of my life since. I'd be keen to date in that age range but meeting students is much more difficult when you're not at uni anymore. Most people my age or older are focusing on their careers and either don't have the time for dating, or are already in relationships themselves. Maybe that's just me overthinking but that seems to be the impression everybody gives off these days.

So, bearing in mind that I haven't actively been looking for a relationship for years, am I too late to get back into it? If not, should I start on the dating apps or would it be better to meet people in real life?

Reply 1

Gazpacho.

You are only 25. Stop catastrophising after reading crap online, and get yourself out there.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 2

londonmyst

No, you are not too late to make a return to dating. :smile:

As long as you are positive, honest, regularly working, flexible in your dating preferences, have good social skills, at least average personal hygiene and reasonably normal manners- you'll be okay.

Increase your social networks and have an active social life that involves spending a lot of spare time around single people who date & know that you are looking to start dating again.
Even singles who are not your type may well be willing to introduce you to some of their more compatible friends after getting to know you.
Good luck!

Reply 3

Jemiz321

I admire you for asking this and hope you can realise that ‘everyone’ does not have everything sorted either. From your post you sound articulate, intelligent and self aware. To meet someone special you need to be meeting people, ideally with shared values and to be open minded and yet selective at the same time. Say yes to social events, join clubs, try online dating (tho be careful of the scammers!) and start to entertain the possibility of finding romance and enjoy meeting new people. Good luck!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Jemiz321

Thank you for replying 🙂
In the six months since creating this thread, I've started going to a 20s/30s social group in my local area, and it has been a real success! There are a range of events taking place, and I find the walks and beach meets in particular a great way to mingle with others. I have been aiming to go to at least one event every week but would love to go to more if I had the time. They are a really nice bunch of people and there is one attractive woman who I am becoming friendly with. It is early days though and I don't want to rush into doing anything that might make her feel uncomfortable.

As for online dating, I did try Tinder several years ago, but stopped using it as I was getting matches but didn't have the courage to message most of them. The thing with online dating is, I feel under pressure to be the perfect version of myself because what I say will always be saved onto the platform, and there is the risk that the person I'm messaging could share my private conversations with other people and portray me in a bad light. I'm not the most attractive looking of people, get socially awkward at times and only earn just above minimum wage. I have thought about maybe signing up to Bumble as this removes the pressure on me to make the first move (since only women can message first in a heterosexual partnership), but I feel awkward around sharing my job title plus I don't really know what to put in my bio that will stand out.