Friend in Haram Relationship!

11

Dear Muslim brothers and sisters,
I am deeply concerned about one of my friends; she is a hijabi Muslim and of good nature, however she began dating a classmate of ours.
I warned her along with my other friends, that dating was not permissible in Islam but she replies stating she is serious and wants to get married to him. I’ve explained to her numerous times that the relationship she is in right now is haram but it seems she is so blinded, and I fear it would lead to her committing Zina as she has mentioned something about it before and her and her boyfriend are pretty intimate with each other- (chatting all day, going out together and their always with one another etc.)
I am really worried for my friend she has blocked me and my other friends- who were trying to guide and explain to her that what she was doing was impermissible in our religion, so we now have no means of contact to her.
She is the only child of her parents, who really trust her- yet she refuses to even tell her parents that she is serious about this guy and wants to marry him, her parents have no clue how crazy she has gone after him.
She was by nature a really good Muslim before she met this guy and I keep praying for her guidance, however she has also stated she will be miserable if she doesn’t get to marry this guy?
Do you think there is anything I can do to help her from this sin or say anything to her that may protect her from the wreath of Zina? And would I be a bad friend if I just told her mum the truth about what my friend is up to just for the betterment of my friend herself?
Hoping to get some helpful replies that may help my friend insha’Allah.

Reply 1

londonmyst

19

Your friend has made her decision.
She is being very clear that she is not interested in hearing your opinions on her relationship and does not want any further contact with you.

Best to just walk away.
Focus on your own life and future ambitions.
Above all- do not risk doing anything that could be construed as harassment or depriving her of her right to privacy.

Maybe your friend will regret the choice she has made, maybe she won't.
Either way, it is her right to decide on the types of future and which relationships that she wants to continue with.

Reply 2

I7V

7

Original post by lavishmuslimah06

Dear Muslim brothers and sisters,
I am deeply concerned about one of my friends; she is a hijabi Muslim and of good nature, however she began dating a classmate of ours.
I warned her along with my other friends, that dating was not permissible in Islam but she replies stating she is serious and wants to get married to him. I’ve explained to her numerous times that the relationship she is in right now is haram but it seems she is so blinded, and I fear it would lead to her committing Zina as she has mentioned something about it before and her and her boyfriend are pretty intimate with each other- (chatting all day, going out together and their always with one another etc.)
I am really worried for my friend she has blocked me and my other friends- who were trying to guide and explain to her that what she was doing was impermissible in our religion, so we now have no means of contact to her.
She is the only child of her parents, who really trust her- yet she refuses to even tell her parents that she is serious about this guy and wants to marry him, her parents have no clue how crazy she has gone after him.
She was by nature a really good Muslim before she met this guy and I keep praying for her guidance, however she has also stated she will be miserable if she doesn’t get to marry this guy?
Do you think there is anything I can do to help her from this sin or say anything to her that may protect her from the wreath of Zina? And would I be a bad friend if I just told her mum the truth about what my friend is up to just for the betterment of my friend herself?
Hoping to get some helpful replies that may help my friend insha’Allah.

How is she now?

Reply 3

Kutie Karen

19

Original post by lavishmuslimah06

Dear Muslim brothers and sisters,
I am deeply concerned about one of my friends; she is a hijabi Muslim and of good nature, however she began dating a classmate of ours.
I warned her along with my other friends, that dating was not permissible in Islam but she replies stating she is serious and wants to get married to him. I’ve explained to her numerous times that the relationship she is in right now is haram but it seems she is so blinded, and I fear it would lead to her committing Zina as she has mentioned something about it before and her and her boyfriend are pretty intimate with each other- (chatting all day, going out together and their always with one another etc.)
I am really worried for my friend she has blocked me and my other friends- who were trying to guide and explain to her that what she was doing was impermissible in our religion, so we now have no means of contact to her.
She is the only child of her parents, who really trust her- yet she refuses to even tell her parents that she is serious about this guy and wants to marry him, her parents have no clue how crazy she has gone after him.
She was by nature a really good Muslim before she met this guy and I keep praying for her guidance, however she has also stated she will be miserable if she doesn’t get to marry this guy?
Do you think there is anything I can do to help her from this sin or say anything to her that may protect her from the wreath of Zina? And would I be a bad friend if I just told her mum the truth about what my friend is up to just for the betterment of my friend herself?
Hoping to get some helpful replies that may help my friend insha’Allah.

if she wants to marry him ask her to tell her parents. as an only child they would want her to be happy.

Reply 4

spill_the_tea

15

Original post by lavishmuslimah06

Dear Muslim brothers and sisters,
I am deeply concerned about one of my friends; she is a hijabi Muslim and of good nature, however she began dating a classmate of ours.
I warned her along with my other friends, that dating was not permissible in Islam but she replies stating she is serious and wants to get married to him. I’ve explained to her numerous times that the relationship she is in right now is haram but it seems she is so blinded, and I fear it would lead to her committing Zina as she has mentioned something about it before and her and her boyfriend are pretty intimate with each other- (chatting all day, going out together and their always with one another etc.)
I am really worried for my friend she has blocked me and my other friends- who were trying to guide and explain to her that what she was doing was impermissible in our religion, so we now have no means of contact to her.
She is the only child of her parents, who really trust her- yet she refuses to even tell her parents that she is serious about this guy and wants to marry him, her parents have no clue how crazy she has gone after him.
She was by nature a really good Muslim before she met this guy and I keep praying for her guidance, however she has also stated she will be miserable if she doesn’t get to marry this guy?
Do you think there is anything I can do to help her from this sin or say anything to her that may protect her from the wreath of Zina? And would I be a bad friend if I just told her mum the truth about what my friend is up to just for the betterment of my friend herself?
Hoping to get some helpful replies that may help my friend insha’Allah.

As someone who has been in a similar position as yourself believe me, I understand your concern.

It's obviously very good that you care so much for your friend and have tried to guide and pray for her but if she has blocked you then you should just leave things now. I know it hurts to see a good friend going down a path you think could lead her very much astray from her faith and that has already caused her to cut off her own friends so swiftly but there is nothing much you can do when someone refuses to acknowledge your advice or listen to reason.

As for contacting her parents...not only would you be a 'snitch' for telling on your friend, you would basically be exposing her sins which is a major sin in and of itself. Also you never truly know what someone's family is like and how they may react to such things, especially when it comes to the perceived 'honour' relating to their daughters so it would be best not to put her in such a position that could lead to her harm - she probably would end up only growing more distant from Islam as a result of you telling her parents anyways. And besides, since you mention she talks about marrying her boyfriend, I assume you guys are around 16 at least which means, whilst you may think she may not be making the wisest decisions at the moment, she is ultimately mature enough and responsible for accounting for her own deeds from an Islamic point of view.

I'm aware this was a very long-winded response but basically the gist of it is:

•

Don't expose your friend to anyone, no matter what. Could cause more harm than good and is a sin itself.

•

Try to keep guiding her if you can (in person obvs) but in such a way that she doesn't get frustrated or feel like she's being lectured - and if nothing else just remind her that no matter what sins she commits, God is all-forgiving and she shouldn't ever abandon her prayers.

•

If she won't listen to you with regards to her relationship, at least try to remain friends with her (as long as you feel like she won't take you away from the straight path yourself).

•

If she still doesn't want you in her life then all you can do is pray for her guidance and for her to remain steadfast in her deen etc.

Sometimes no matter how much you try to help someone, they refuse to listen to you. Sometimes it's not even because they don't care or agree, but just because they're too caught up in their feelings and maybe even ashamed of themselves so they feel too embarrassed to stop and turn back. They may start being rude with you and even cut you off, or just drift apart from you as your lifestyles change drastically, but never take it personally. It will hurt and you are allowed to miss them, but you have to let them go and live their own life whilst you live yours. Whatever's written will happen. Maybe there is hidden wisdom or a lesson in this that you don't know about, and maybe never will. All you can do now is pray for her and trust in Allah's plan. Insha Allah things turn out for the best for you both :smile:

Friend in Haram Relationship!

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