The Student Room Group

Muslim sisters advice please

Salaam sisters, brother speaking here to those with strict parents especially is it difficult to tell your parents especially if you like a boy. And does it require time such as 2-3 years?

Shukriya and Jazakallah to anyone who replies

:smile:
Salam I'm a revert sister
It shouldn't be discouraged to let your family know you like someone, and as long as it's done halal, I expect you should be able to get married soon!
If you're in a position to get married, why delay it?
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Salam I'm a revert sister
It shouldn't be discouraged to let your family know you like someone, and as long as it's done halal, I expect you should be able to get married soon!
If you're in a position to get married, why delay it?

Salaam sister Shukriya for the response the girl I like I made my intention to marry her and let her know she has the same intention to marry me and has admitted on multiple occasions that we share a future together although I asked her quite a while back how long would it take you to tell your parents her parents are strict considering us Asians and she said give me 2/3 years baring in mind she’s completing and nearing the end of her degree Ive waited nearly a year and a half of her 2/3 years she needs but I’ve still yet to receive anything from parents it’s reassuring to know the girl wants to marry me with my mother already knowing my stance and giving her blessing to our marriage neither the girl parents know yet and when she tried telling her mum “whether she’d meet a boy she likes” her mum just went “no,no,no” and that was broadly and vaguely without giving her a chance to get to know me more that kind of hurt but I’ve learnt to wait since.
Original post by Anonymous
Salaam sister Shukriya for the response the girl I like I made my intention to marry her and let her know she has the same intention to marry me and has admitted on multiple occasions that we share a future together although I asked her quite a while back how long would it take you to tell your parents her parents are strict considering us Asians and she said give me 2/3 years baring in mind she’s completing and nearing the end of her degree Ive waited nearly a year and a half of her 2/3 years she needs but I’ve still yet to receive anything from parents it’s reassuring to know the girl wants to marry me with my mother already knowing my stance and giving her blessing to our marriage neither the girl parents know yet and when she tried telling her mum “whether she’d meet a boy she likes” her mum just went “no,no,no” and that was broadly and vaguely without giving her a chance to get to know me more that kind of hurt but I’ve learnt to wait since.


Wa alakium salam brother
I'll advise as best I can, marriage is very important, as you know it completes half our deens!
Inshallah it works out for you please remember that Allah is the greatest planner, and also I recommend istikhara for guidance!
That's good you both want to marry each other, are you both from the same ethnic background?
It's a shame the parents are getting involved in a negative way, parents should be encouraging not withholding marriage!! (I often find it strange when parents do this, as a result, I couldn't imagine stopping m kids from marriage in the first place. I'd also love my children to get to a point of marriage instead of investing in something haram!)
Have you spoken to her father? Because that is the next step. if he says no and you really want to marry her you can wait but then again if he's saying no now how certain of you he'll say yes in a few years. also doing that means you're restricting yourself from other potentials too which is also your second option. If you want to get married then why not find a sister who also wants to get married!
You shouldn't limit yourself to one person just for the parents, when there are many sisters who do want to get married, if it's just the parents stopping you then you don't have too many options.
If it isn't meant to be then I would also suggest to stop talking and keep making du'a for a righteous wife and potentially her too but you don't want to involve yourself in anything haram!
You sound like a good brother I'll also make du'a for you to find a righteous wife !
Everything is a test/trial from Allah you'll never be put through more than you can handle!
Reply 4
Yes as you said sister marriage completes half of our seen and I’ll be extremely honest with you sister she’s the only girl I see myself getting married to she’s a sweet, polite hardworking individual a supportive and helpful one too and I love her so much. Yes I’ll take board the advice about Istikhara. We are of the same ethnic background Bangladeshi heritage. Yes you are right about parents although my parents aren’t strict hers is. I’ve not spoken to her father yet because honestly speaking I’ve discussed this with my mother and she reminded me culturally what we are like and the respectful way and manner with the girl needing to tell her parents first before anything. I do want to get married but sister I don’t want to get married to a sister that wants to get married to me especially if it’s arranged marriage the current scenario I’m in is love marriage. Shukriya sister and once again many thanks for you kind advice and sending my duaa and wishes to you and our ummah. Keeping you all in the strongest of health
Original post by Anonymous
Salam I'm a revert sister
It shouldn't be discouraged to let your family know you like someone, and as long as it's done halal, I expect you should be able to get married soon!
If you're in a position to get married, why delay it?

Salam Brother, I would say, (as a Muslim girl with extremely strictparents) that it is definitely hard at first to convincethe parents but it doesn’t take ages and can bedone insha’Allah with patience and respect.I must say you guys are really lucky you both areBangladeshi as this means it won’t be a problemfor your respective families to meet and mingleinsha’Allah, in fact it should make arrangementsmuch faster and easy going. I would however, first and foremost advice you toapproach her father, as the decision is in his handsand if you are a good man who meets hisrequirements and whom he finds suitable for hisdaughters hand, I’m sure there won’t be anythingstopping him from getting married to her - justmake your intentions clear to him as soon aspossible and from the start so misunderstandingsdon’t come in the way in the future insha’Allah. Praying for the best for you, I totally get how it feelsto be so in love with one person that you only wantto get married to them and I’m so happy you havepure intentions and want to get married to this girl.May Allah bless you both with a bright future, andmake this girl your future wife, if she is written andbest for you.
Original post by lavishmuslimah06
Salam Brother,
I would say, (as a Muslim girl with extremely strict parents) that it is definitely hard at first to convince the parents but it doesn’t take ages and can be done insha’Allah with patience and respect.
I must say you guys are really lucky you both are Bangladeshi as this means it won’t be a problem for your respective families to meet and mingle insha’Allah, in fact it should make arrangements much faster and easy going.
I would however, first and foremost advice you to approach her father, as the decision is in his hands and if you are a good man who meets his requirements and whom he finds suitable for his daughters hand, I’m sure there won’t be anything stopping him from getting married to her - just make your intentions clear to him as soon as possible and from the start so misunderstandings don’t come in the way in the future insha’Allah.
Praying for the best for you, I totally get how it feels to be so in love with one person that you only want to get married to them and I’m so happy you have pure intentions and want to get married to this girl. May Allah bless you both with a bright future, and make this girl your future wife, if she is written and best for you.

Why is the decision in the father’s hands? Is he getting married to OP?
Original post by Anonymous
Why is the decision in the father’s hands? Is he getting married to OP?

A father is responsible for the woman’s life prior to marriage. It is his duty to ensure that the proposed groom is a reliable and trustworthy person who will continue to carry on his role and responsibility towards the bride after marriage.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
Salam Brother, I would say, (as a Muslim girl with extremely strictparents) that it is definitely hard at first to convincethe parents but it doesn’t take ages and can bedone insha’Allah with patience and respect.I must say you guys are really lucky you both areBangladeshi as this means it won’t be a problemfor your respective families to meet and mingleinsha’Allah, in fact it should make arrangementsmuch faster and easy going. I would however, first and foremost advice you toapproach her father, as the decision is in his handsand if you are a good man who meets hisrequirements and whom he finds suitable for hisdaughters hand, I’m sure there won’t be anythingstopping him from getting married to her - justmake your intentions clear to him as soon aspossible and from the start so misunderstandingsdon’t come in the way in the future insha’Allah. Praying for the best for you, I totally get how it feelsto be so in love with one person that you only wantto get married to them and I’m so happy you havepure intentions and want to get married to this girl.May Allah bless you both with a bright future, andmake this girl your future wife, if she is written andbest for you.

W/Salaam sister hope you are well. What about it do you need to convince the parents about. I don’t understand though why it would take ages and she’d need that much time. Yeah fortunately and thankfully we are of the same heritage makes understanding between both sets of families more easier. I understand it’s in his hands but culturally I need to be aware as my mother said especially that his daughter would have to inform him and her mother about me before we could possibly meet otherwise that’s just disrespectful. Especially in Bangladeshi society/community. In Sha Allah I hope nothing either I care about her so much and love her so much. Thank you for understanding Allahuma barik she’s a amazing person, extremely hardworking so well mannered and polite and just a lovely form of energy and bubbly and she’s the only one I wish to get married to her or no one at all.
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
Why is the decision in the father’s hands? Is he getting married to OP?

The girl said to be whether both her parents decide arrange marriage for her or not she still wants to get married to me
Original post by Anonymous
The girl said to be whether both her parents decide arrange marriage for her or not she still wants to get married to me


Salaam brother, from what you’re experiencing I know first hand how to get you through this milestone as my family and I, had got my brother married to my SiL ( we’re also from BD) so if you need advice about how my parents went about it, message me so that I can explain how my mum and dad went about this journey, maybe it could be of some help.
Original post by Anonymous
W/Salaam sister hope you are well. What about it do you need to convince the parents about. I don’t understand though why it would take ages and she’d need that much time. Yeah fortunately and thankfully we are of the same heritage makes understanding between both sets of families more easier. I understand it’s in his hands but culturally I need to be aware as my mother said especially that his daughter would have to inform him and her mother about me before we could possibly meet otherwise that’s just disrespectful. Especially in Bangladeshi society/community. In Sha Allah I hope nothing either I care about her so much and love her so much. Thank you for understanding Allahuma barik she’s a amazing person, extremely hardworking so well mannered and polite and just a lovely form of energy and bubbly and she’s the only one I wish to get married to her or no one at all.

I guess the girl would need to tell her parents in depth about you and perhaps her dad will need to do checks on you (they do that in Bangladeshi culture where they find out a bit about the prospective groom before going forward with the relationship.) It really shouldn’t take that long, but it just depends on the girl- maybe she’s a bit hesitant or a bit nervous to ask her parents straight away and requires a bit of time to tell them- it is after all a big step in her life and yours.
Your mother is right, she will need to inform him about you and her joint interest to marry you, so he is aware that she too wants to get married to you, and perhaps after she does that, he will agree to meet you and your parents to set the mutual decision.
Insha’Allah everything goes smoothly for you, don’t stress and just pray for the best as “to love someone and then to ask for them in every prayer, is your proof to be sincere.” And Allah will bless you with tremendous happiness and fulfilment.
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
I guess the girl would need to tell her parents in depth about you and perhaps her dad will need to do checks on you (they do that in Bangladeshi culture where they find out a bit about the prospective groom before going forward with the relationship.) It really shouldn’t take that long, but it just depends on the girl- maybe she’s a bit hesitant or a bit nervous to ask her parents straight away and requires a bit of time to tell them- it is after all a big step in her life and yours.
Your mother is right, she will need to inform him about you and her joint interest to marry you, so he is aware that she too wants to get married to you, and perhaps after she does that, he will agree to meet you and your parents to set the mutual decision.
Insha’Allah everything goes smoothly for you, don’t stress and just pray for the best as “to love someone and then to ask for them in every prayer, is your proof to be sincere.” And Allah will bless you with tremendous happiness and fulfilment.

Checks on me exactly like what if you don’t mind me asking? Hesitant in what sense it seems unfair to be honest I told my mother I’ve wait for well over a year she said she’ll need 2/3 years just to tell her parents…
Original post by Anonymous
Checks on me exactly like what if you don’t mind me asking? Hesitant in what sense it seems unfair to be honest I told my mother I’ve wait for well over a year she said she’ll need 2/3 years just to tell her parents…

They may do checks on you just to see if you’re a match for their daughter, (eg: check to see if your in a suitable job that will provide an income for their daughter, see if your a good man by asking around with their extended friends and family who may have also known you… etc.) you get the idea?

In my opinion, I don’t see anything unfair with the situation; she just needs time and you should be patient. It’s not easy for everyone like it was for you to tell your parents, especially if her parents are strict- I know it’d take me some time to tell my parents if I liked someone as I’d be nervous and I’d have to convince them- marriage is a big thing. It shouldn’t really take her 2-3 years but if she is asking for that much time there must be a reason behind it, and if you love her so much than you can only be patient and wait for things to unfold insha’Allah.
Also can I add that if she is currently studying for university, and is requesting for you to wait for 2-3 years. I can see why and agree with her, because she wants to finish her current commitment which would be education. I know lots of people who intended to get married at university, so they both worked hard to finish their degrees, and then got engaged. Got jobs and got their Nikaah. Because from what I sense, you have come to the idea that she isn’t on the same page of getting married like you are as she’s not spoken about you to her parents like you have. But you have to see it from her point of view, did she say she wants marriage with you? If she did then she’s got the intention to wed you but she’s got some current plans to sort out. For you both to get married, you both need to be ready & focused . Whilst you wait for each other to be prepared for this next step to adulthood, you should both focus on improving your selves emotionally, physically, spiritually and, mentally because you’d want to be the best for her and I’m sure she wants to be the best for you.
Original post by Anonymous
Salaam sister Shukriya for the response the girl I like I made my intention to marry her and let her know she has the same intention to marry me and has admitted on multiple occasions that we share a future together although I asked her quite a while back how long would it take you to tell your parents her parents are strict considering us Asians and she said give me 2/3 years baring in mind she’s completing and nearing the end of her degree Ive waited nearly a year and a half of her 2/3 years she needs but I’ve still yet to receive anything from parents it’s reassuring to know the girl wants to marry me with my mother already knowing my stance and giving her blessing to our marriage neither the girl parents know yet and when she tried telling her mum “whether she’d meet a boy she likes” her mum just went “no,no,no” and that was broadly and vaguely without giving her a chance to get to know me more that kind of hurt but I’ve learnt to wait since.

I had a read through this thread and brother I think you need to check if the girl is serious. Take this with a pinch of salt but trust me here. I have multiple friends with older sisters (all Asians) and when boys make the intention to marry these girls at the end nothing happens. This may be hard to hear but this one girl likes this boy and this boy has expressed the intention to marry this girl. The girl however always came up with some excuse like let me finish university or wait for me to tell parents. 5 years later nothing happened and now I think they are gonna leave each other. And there are many other similar stories. Also I know this lady who acts as a matchmaker within the Muslim community and she says parents must be involved from the start cause it makes everything easier. This is so true because my family has had proper problems when parents were not included in relationships from the start. You should tell the girl you like that she needs to express her wishes to her parents. It may be hard so try asking her to start opening up convos to do with marriage to her parents in general like when did her parents marry or what type of wedding did they have. This way it will open her parents eyes to marriage. Then slowly she can open up more and discuss you.
Or I think maybe get your parents to display interest to her parents. (I think you said your mother has given permission). This means your intentions are given to the parents from the start and the relationship doesn’t become haram. Your parents don’t need to come out with a proposal but more of an interest in the girl for marriage in a few years. Wish you the best!

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