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Urgent reply please - friendship situaton

So my friends want to hangout and want me to come over but my parents are saying no because of the 'times' and that they don't know the parents and they can't trust just anybody. I respect their comments but I have never gone out with my friends. The last time I did (for a few hours because we had to go back to school for a performance) was when i was 7 year old. I am 16 now and I haven't even stepped out the house myself. This will be like the 8th time I will be saying no to my friends that I cant go, so how should I begin the conversation. Also it's not like my friends are doing a party or something, we just want to play uno and monopoly together.
(edited 6 months ago)
Reply 1
Original post by Sukhmani22
So my friends want to hangout and want me to come over but my parents are saying no because of the 'times' and that they don't know the parents and they can't trust just anybody. I respect their comments but I have never gone out with my friends. The last time I did (for a few hours because we had to go back to school for a performance) was when i was 7 year old. I am 16 now and I haven't even stepped out the house myself. This will be like the 8th time I will be saying no to my friends that I cant go, so how should I begin the conversation. Also it's not like my friends are doing a party or something, we just want to play uno and monopoly together.

Sometimes parents dont get that we also want to go out and have fun. However at the end of the day we have to respect their boundaries and u clearly are. If ur scared of ur friendships becoming weak due to not being there, then give it time. U may not even be in contact with these friends in a few years. and if u are then it means they respect the limits that are in ur household even of they arent the same as their rules. what is it ur exactly afraid of? them getting tired of u always saying no?...
Reply 2
Original post by Hafz_
Sometimes parents dont get that we also want to go out and have fun. However at the end of the day we have to respect their boundaries and u clearly are. If ur scared of ur friendships becoming weak due to not being there, then give it time. U may not even be in contact with these friends in a few years. and if u are then it means they respect the limits that are in ur household even of they arent the same as their rules. what is it ur exactly afraid of? them getting tired of u always saying no?...

Thanks for the reply! It's just I don't know how to begin the conversation with my friends and how i tell them that i wont be able to make it. it sounds dumb but i just hate disappointing people especially after my friends said that they really want me to come. And i also dont want to put my parents in the bad light for not letting me go. but again, thanks for the reply!!
Original post by Sukhmani22
Thanks for the reply! It's just I don't know how to begin the conversation with my friends and how i tell them that i wont be able to make it. it sounds dumb but i just hate disappointing people especially after my friends said that they really want me to come. And i also dont want to put my parents in the bad light for not letting me go. but again, thanks for the reply!!

I would consider speaking to your parents about this before telling your friends the reasons. Obviously it is up to you whether you do so as you know how comfortable you feel discussing situations like this. You could explain that you would like to maintain friendships with your friends and worry that if you do not have this time with them, the friendships could be strained. It is typical and beneficial for people your age to seek more independence and opportunities to see friends. You could also ask them more about their concerns with you meeting up with your friends- would they still have these boundaries when you become an adult? What do they expect you to tell your friends when you can't go? I would also provide solutions such as asking to meet your friends in an environment such as the park or the local shopping centre where you are all in an equal position and not stuck in a house with unfamiliar people. You could also ask if your parents would be willing to arrange meet ups with your friends' parents to ensure they know who you are meeting and feel more at ease.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can come to a compromise which suits you both.

Rachel- YSJ student rep
Reply 4
Original post by Rachel_ysj
I would consider speaking to your parents about this before telling your friends the reasons. Obviously it is up to you whether you do so as you know how comfortable you feel discussing situations like this. You could explain that you would like to maintain friendships with your friends and worry that if you do not have this time with them, the friendships could be strained. It is typical and beneficial for people your age to seek more independence and opportunities to see friends. You could also ask them more about their concerns with you meeting up with your friends- would they still have these boundaries when you become an adult? What do they expect you to tell your friends when you can't go? I would also provide solutions such as asking to meet your friends in an environment such as the park or the local shopping centre where you are all in an equal position and not stuck in a house with unfamiliar people. You could also ask if your parents would be willing to arrange meet ups with your friends' parents to ensure they know who you are meeting and feel more at ease.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can come to a compromise which suits you both.

Rachel- YSJ student rep

Thank you for the reply, it really made me feel at ease. I haven't been able to even think about anything else cause I was too caught up with this and the fact that my friend's really REALLY wanted me to come over. I don't think my parents will be changing their mind about this though, so i'm just going to get the courage to talk to my friends about this after talking to my parents about what to say.
Reply 5
Original post by niyanair2018
Hi,
I’m Indian and in the same situation as you :frown:
My friends constantly make plans together and invite me but I always say no because my parents say no. Obviously with sleepovers, I understand why they say no - as I know loads of ppl who are not allowed on sleepovers - but it can get annoying when they say no to everything. Like I have to make excuses like ‘my family are going out’ or something. Or I have to say that my parents are busy and they can’t drop me off and then my friends will start offering to pick me up - but my parents will be like ‘we don’t know them so you can:t go in their car’.

I would say that if you truly want to overcome this, then invite all your friends to your house - this idea was a little embarrassing to me at first but it will be worth it. Get your parents to talk to their parents and establish a trust - otherwise they won’t allow you to go out with friends.

Hope this helps - and btw I share you pain : ( !!!

Hi, I relate to this post A LOT. I also have to come up with excuses sometimes because telling your friends that your parents don't trust them is an awkward conversation. But I also do want to go because after their hangouts they all have inside jokes and pictures but I just can't relate to it. My parents find this excuse a bit too unreasonable so I can't do much about that either. However, their reasoning does make sense because they care, but sometimes it's a bit too excessive. But thanks for the reply!
Original post by Sukhmani22
So my friends want to hangout and want me to come over but my parents are saying no because of the 'times' and that they don't know the parents and they can't trust just anybody. I respect their comments but I have never gone out with my friends. The last time I did (for a few hours because we had to go back to school for a performance) was when i was 7 year old. I am 16 now and I haven't even stepped out the house myself. This will be like the 8th time I will be saying no to my friends that I cant go, so how should I begin the conversation. Also it's not like my friends are doing a party or something, we just want to play uno and monopoly together.

Maybe you should invite them over first before you try and ask your parents to go to their house. Your parents might be able to see the type of people they are and maybe speak to them a bit and get a good impression

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