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Family don’t like my gf what to do

I invited my gf round for the first time to meet my family. I did not introduce her specifically as my girlfriend but just asked my family if I could invite a girl to stay round for the Christmas holidays so it’s pretty safe to assume they know it’s my girlfriend but we never spoke about it.

My girlfriend is extremely shy, she gets anxiety and is extremely introverted and doesn’t talk much. Very quiet.

When I invited her round and she met my parents and siblings she was so shy she didn’t speak to them, and whenever they spoke to her she just smiled and didn’t respond. Of course this was a result of her being shy and anxious. But my family found it very rude.

Even I must admit it came off extremely rude, it really looked like she was ignoring them, she would even walk out of the room whenever my parents or siblings came. E.g. my sister was talking to her and she just walked off mid conversation. I asked why she did that and she said she didn’t know what to say.

My gf is amazing to me, she talks a lot to me, and treats me really well. But I must admit she looked extremely rude and my mum said she doesn’t like her and doesn’t want her in our home anymore and to tell her to leave, also my sister said she doesn’t like her either. My mum said she’s not welcome round our house ever again and told me they don’t want me seeing her again.

I tried to explain how shy she was to my parents and it wasn’t her being rude it’s just her anxiety and shyness but my parents said no, she should still make the effort to at least say hello and thank you rather than ignore them.

I spoke with my gf about it and asked if she can today thanks for having me over to my parents and offer them help around the house but she said no. My gf said she feels really uncomfortable around my family and has no interest to talk to them so doesn’t want to interact with them.

My family were very nice to her, even cooked for her and washed her clothes etc.

I’m not sure what to do

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

You need to decide whether your family’s opinion on this matter is important.

They’re not willing to accommodate social anxiety and your GF understandably doesn’t want to put herself in that position again.

Sometimes with the best will in the world things won’t click with your family.

Reply 2

Jriah100

I understand that she has social anxiety and it can come across a certain way but your gf should atleast aim to make a good impression on your parents atleast and your siblings. Because its just respectful to do so.

Walking out and acting off is only gonna make it worst for her and your parents are gonna think she’s rude especially if your parents are making an effort she should try too

Reply 3

username6914627

Original post by Anonymous

I invited my gf round for the first time to meet my family. I did not introduce her specifically as my girlfriend but just asked my family if I could invite a girl to stay round for the Christmas holidays so it’s pretty safe to assume they know it’s my girlfriend but we never spoke about it.
My girlfriend is extremely shy, she gets anxiety and is extremely introverted and doesn’t talk much. Very quiet.
When I invited her round and she met my parents and siblings she was so shy she didn’t speak to them, and whenever they spoke to her she just smiled and didn’t respond. Of course this was a result of her being shy and anxious. But my family found it very rude.
Even I must admit it came off extremely rude, it really looked like she was ignoring them, she would even walk out of the room whenever my parents or siblings came. E.g. my sister was talking to her and she just walked off mid conversation. I asked why she did that and she said she didn’t know what to say.
My gf is amazing to me, she talks a lot to me, and treats me really well. But I must admit she looked extremely rude and my mum said she doesn’t like her and doesn’t want her in our home anymore and to tell her to leave, also my sister said she doesn’t like her either. My mum said she’s not welcome round our house ever again and told me they don’t want me seeing her again.
I tried to explain how shy she was to my parents and it wasn’t her being rude it’s just her anxiety and shyness but my parents said no, she should still make the effort to at least say hello and thank you rather than ignore them.
I spoke with my gf about it and asked if she can today thanks for having me over to my parents and offer them help around the house but she said no. My gf said she feels really uncomfortable around my family and has no interest to talk to them so doesn’t want to interact with them.
My family were very nice to her, even cooked for her and washed her clothes etc.
I’m not sure what to do

Your Parents need to be MUCH MORE FORGIVING AND UNDERSTANDING. She sounds a really nice girl and would be a shame if your Parents lack of compassion crushed her. Maybe she has a Neurodivergence ?.

Reply 4

username6914627

Original post by Jriah100

I understand that she has social anxiety and it can come across a certain way but your gf should atleast aim to make a good impression on your parents atleast and your siblings. Because its just respectful to do so.
Walking out and acting off is only gonna make it worst for her and your parents are gonna think she’s rude especially if your parents are making an effort she should try too

The Parents are uncaring, not the girl. So she is very shy, whats wrong with understanding that and excusing her.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Tbh I understand your parents because she shouldn’t be walking away mid conversation. She may be uncomfortable but also made your family uncomfortable in doing so, especially when they cooked and washed clothes for her. My priority is respecting my bf and in respecting my bf comes with putting myself in an uncomfortable situation like social settings w family.

Maybe have a chat to her in the importance of your family’s opinions and that even tho you don’t want her to be uncomfortable, that if she could try interacting not for herself but for you because that’s what’s important to you. Especially since you’re getting the consequences of her actions.